So the Blackhawks win in sudden
death overtime last night. How do
my roommate and I react?
“YESSSSSSSSS MOTHERFUCKER!” ::: In unison:::
Took to Twitter and wrote “YEAH BITCH!!! #BLACKHAWKS”
Got in bed feeling real good but then I started thinking...
"Damn, I still need to stop swearing so much!"
Some people can’t remember their first swear word, but I
remember mine perfectly…
It was “shit,” and it was after my buddy accidentally (at
least I hope it was an accident) kicked me in the groin while we were playing
“Ninja” on the playground during the after-school program in the third grade.
It was quickly
followed by “shit” again…
Hot Teen Counselor: Oh my gosh! Jason are you all right?
Me: Ohhhhh shit! My nuts!
Hot Teen Counselor: Ummm, I’m going to have to tell
your folks you swore…
Me: NO!!!!!!!! Please don’t! Shit!
Today, while crude, swearing is mainstream. With the exception of a select few
words, all your favorite TV shows and movies get away with swearing.
Even PG-13
flicks let you get away with one “fuck” now.
If I just say, “Keebler Chips Deluxe cookies with the
M&M’s are good,” you may not be convinced.
But if I say, “Keebler Chips Deluxe cookies with the
M&M’s are FUCKING FLAME,” you know I mean business. You can FEEL my passion for those
cookies.
On a side note, I have been told I have a gift of adding a
lot of emphasis on my F-bombs.
This guy in College by the name of Neil was especially a huge fan of
this:
Neil: John Starks was pretty good…
Me: Man…. FUCK John Starks!
Neil: You always put twice the energy of a normal person
into saying fuck. I love it.
So while I do enjoy swearing some, I certainly don’t want to
look like a Neanderthal lacking in word knowledge and thought-articulation
either.
So what was I to do?
Swear Jar? Call up my mom
and have her accompany me everywhere?
No way in hell I swear around her!
Nope, I had to establish some guidelines for my sailor
mouth:
- Never
swear around elders: Basically anyone who is 40 years
old and up. Especially the
folks who have known me since I was a kid. It's just a respect thing.
- Avoid
swearing on dates: Dates are tough
enough for a dude without a woman thinking she’s agreed to
dinner and drinks with a walking Tarantino movie…
- Never
swear around kids: This one is so hard. I’m used to being unfiltered as I
want when I’m with my boys, but with the pitter-patter of little feet in
some of their homes these days, I try to watch it when I stop by.
- Limit F-bombs on Facebook: Mom, as well as aunts, uncles, and cousins all have friended me. I’m not really into embarrassing myself in front of family.
- I get the green light during a game: Don’t try to stop me; it’s going to happen…a lot! This is why I rarely watch the Bears or Bulls in public places. Well...one of the reasons. The other is because I don't want to strangle some loud random sitting nearby who has no clue what they're talking about.
I’m not saying it’s changed my life, but it does keep me
honest. I still get to keep it pretty raw
on Twitter as well as this blog.
Should those be next?
Nah, to hell with that shit.
-WST
"Ninja" was a fun game
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