THE TEN BIGGEST ASSHOLES IN SPORTS MOVIES: FIGHT NIGHT EDITION!

BACK AGAIN AND IT’S TIME TO KNUCKLE UP AND GET IT ON!

10. Tong-Po (Michel Qissi)-Kickboxer

 

            Kickboxer’s pony-tailed antagonist shatters Eric Sloane’s spine and then has his boys kidnap him in an attempt to ensure victory when younger brother Kurt (Jean-Claude Van Damme) challenges him for revenge.  He even beats & rapes Kurt’s girl, Mylee!  Lesson Learned: Never visit Thailand. EVER.

  9. Kelly Stone (Joe Piscopo)-Sidekicks

            Comedian Joe Piscopo plays kind of a John Kreese-Lite (The Cobra Kai Master from Karate Kid) and does a decent job of it too as his Stone Karate School cronies terrorize daydreamer Jerry Grabrewski.  Motherfucker MUST be joking though to think he can throw down with CHUCK NORRIS!  In fact Chuck kills Piscopo’s career, as he’s never heard from again after this flick.

8. Ryan “The Terror” McCarthy (Cam Gigandet)-Never Back Down

 

            He’s popular, rich, and good-looking but the only thing he loves more than Mixed-Martial Arts is fucking the new kid up in front of the whole school while videotaping the entire thing.  How big of a douche is Ryan?  Well, he later enters his fight at the infamous “Beatdown” to Soulja Boy…

7. Commodos (Joaquin Phoenix)-Gladiator

 

            He’s kind of a more evil, but also more pussified ancient Roman version of WWE’s Vince McMahon.  He uses everything including fucking Tigers to take out Maximus and even STABS him before finally facing him on and he STILL can’t beat him.  Maximus told you he’d have his vengeance in this world or the next bro…

6. Zeus(Tommy “Tiny” Lister)-No Holds Barred

            Before he was “Deebo” in Friday or the President in The Fifth Element , Tommy “Tiny” Lister was ZEUS and his one mission in life was ending the life of Wrestling champ Rip (Hulk Hogan).  Lister would actually go on to wrestle for the WWE for a few years after this movie.

5. John Gillon (Bruce Dern)-Diggstown

 

            He’s a former Boxing manager and the richest guy in Diggstown, Georgia on account that he bet against his best, and heavily favored fighter and then sabotaged the fight. Yes, life is good for John Gillon until he takes a $1.5 million dollar bet that con-man John Kane’s guy, Honey-Roy Palmer, can’t beat ten Diggstown Boxers in one day.  Never con a con man Mr. Gillon.

4. George Washington Duke (Richard Gant)/Tommy Gunn (Tommy Morrison)- Rocky V

           

            You can’t have one without the other; Duke’s got the hustle and can’t get Rocko to fight, so he steals and brainwashes his protégée for the muscle.  Honestly this movie sucked, except for the EPIC street fight at the end that leaves Gunn in handcuffs and “The Duke” in a position no brother wants to be in; stranded in south Philly and surrounded by a bunch of angry Italians…

3. John Kreese (Martin Kove)- The ORIGINAL Karate Kid

 

            This Karate Sensei won't be winning any Sportsmanship awards anytime soon… 

SWEEP THE LEG! COBRA-KAI NEVER DIES!!!!!

2. Johnny Lawrence (William Zabka)-The ORIGINAL Karate Kid

 

            This bandanna wearing punk-bitch has, and will continue to inspire generations of d-bags for years to come.  He is THE 80’s villain.  You gotta admit, he actually makes being a prick cool…

1. Chong Li (Bolo Yeung)-Bloodsport

 

            While Johnny Lawrence wins the tool of the 80’s award, THIS guy was just pure evil.  The crazy part is Bolo Yeung was 42 when this flick was made! LOOK at him! The man is jacked!  He severely beats Ray Jackson, the friend of main character Frank Dux (Van Damme again) before attempting to kill Frank, himself, by throwing salt in his eyes and giving him the business too.  Van Damme wins at the end because you know, it’s his movie, but shit Bolo was a motherfucker.

Even Chung Li’s demeanor and walk says, “I don’t give a shit, I’ll end you.”

-WST

WEDNESDAY RANT: I DON'T HATE YOU, JUST YOUR FACEBOOK PAGE

You’re a ho.

I’m a ho.

Your girlfriend is ho.

Your boyfriend is a ho.

Mother? Aunt? Uncle? Dad? Hoes.

All your friends?  Hoes.

Before you think I’ve lost my mind, let me speak.  We’re all hoes and our pimp is that white “f” with the blue background that hangs around on our toolbars and we hit it three, four, five, sometimes 12 times a day.

Yes, Facebook is a pimp.

If there were a human pimp version of Facebook, He’d have a velvet sky blue suit, white hat with a blue feather sticking out of it, white shades and go by the name Face-Bookie.

Face-Bookie would drive a long-ass blue Cadillac with the logo on the door and all.  The car’s horn would make that sound you hear when you get a chat message.

And guess what? We’d all be hoes in Face-Bookie’s stable.

Just like a pimp who recognizes a potential recruit,  Face-Bookie finessed us into the game early in our lives when we were young and dumb (some still are), and now we’re hooked.

We couldn’t leave it if we tried.  Don’t get me wrong, every so often someone manages to do it but for every successful, “I’m done with Facbook, later.” there’s two dozen “Hey, I’m back!” and Face-Bookie is just nodding and smiling.

FB: “Hey baby, welcome back, I knew you couldn’t quit me and I don’t know why you tried in the first place!  Weren’t you happy? Didn’t Face-Bookie take care of you?  Did you see how many “Likes” that one status got you last month?  Don’t you EVER try to leave Face-Bookie again! You hear me! If ya do, I'll cut ya! Now go out and make Bookie his money ho.”

So… on to my point, more or less, we’re all with Face-Bookie for the long hall.  I like you all, I really do and I enjoy being “friends” with you on FB because first, it’s a great tool for networking and keeping contacts. Secondly, it’s great to see people you know and have memories with making it in the world.

That said, some of you out there in Face-Bookie’s stable make it hard on a ho.

It’s not that I don’t like pictures of your kids.  I’m happy for you and your spouse.  I hope your kid grows up to be a gentlemen or lady and contributes great things to society. 

It’s just that I don’t need see to 80 damn pictures of them on my news status before 9:30 in the morning.

You better hope I never meet your kid when they get grown, because I’m going to embarrass the hell outta them like…

“Oh shit, you’re the little dude with the Tigger costume!  You like Trains right?  You’ve really come a long way from that huh? Good to see you have some clothes!  Your folks used to have you walking around all over FB in just a pair of Pampers!”

It’s not that I’m being an asshole and hating on your relationship.  I wish you 100 years of success and love.  I just don’t need to know what your monkey asses had for dinner last night or any other intimate detail either.  Here’s what a situation is like when you talk with your friends now.

Friend: Hey man, guess what?

Me: You popped the question.

Friend: What?! How’d you know? I just asked her 10 minutes ago!

Me: Motherfucker, your girl had that shit up NINE minutes ago…

It’s not that I don’t care about your problems.  But why the hell would I want to help you or show sympathy when you put all your business out there just in a attempt to fish for pity?

Lost my job. My back hurts. Girlfriend or boyfriend broke up with me.  I’m fat. I’m so lonely.  Nobody cares about me. I HATE EVERYONE!!!

You know, you COULD start taking the steps to fix that situation or ask to talk to a real friend, relative, psychiatrist, shit, even Dr. Phil rather than waiting for that chick who’s a friend of a friend that you met at a jungle juice party to comment with a sad face.

It’s not necessarily you, it’s your Facebook page, and damn, it kind of makes me want to delete your ass.

Wait; let’s not even get started on “unfriending” people on FB.  Why does THAT have to be an announcement?

“Time to delete some of you randoms, if you’re still here by tomorrow, it means I value you as a friend.”

The fuck outta here.  If you announce that you’re going to unfriend some people on Facebook, I promise I’m going to piss in your drink next time I see you.

Seriously, I swear the only thing worse than some of you people on Facebook is the people who complain about people on Facebook.

Oh wait….

SHIT!!!

-WST

TWO THUMBS UP, FOUR THUMBS DOWN TUESDAY!

 

Every Tuesday, I’ll be sharing the little life’s pleasures that make me jump for joy and the terrible, awful things I want to spit on.

Two Things that earned my love:

1. The Chicago Blackhawks: 16-0-3! These guys are your place after a house party dirty!  Even ESPN is starting to take notice and the booyah’s HATE talking about hockey!  Bitches love Hossa!
2.  Jeopardy Tournament of Champions winner Colby Burnett:

Did you catch the Degeneration X “Suck It!” move at the end?  That’s a child of the 90’s if I ever saw one.

Four things that earned my scorn:

1. The Daytona 500:  While I’m sure more than half of NASCAR fans go to SEE a crash, I’m also positive none go to be apart of one.  I don’t know what's the bigger disaster: the devastation caused by that car crash or “Two Quarters'” attempt to plant a kiss on Erin Andrews...

2. Manti Te’o:  The Irish Linebacker was listed at 6’2 255 during his time at Notre Dame, but was measured at 6’1, 241 at the NFL Scouting Combine in Indianapolis yesterday.  Te’o would go on to run a disappointing 4.81 in the 40-yard dash and then blamed it on the stress and long days that the combine brings. Really? That's you're excuse?  "My girlfriend is keeping me up all night" would have been a better one.
3. Desmond Bryant's Mugshot:  The Raiders Defensive Tackle was arrested Sunday Morning in Oakland for “allegedly going to a neighbor’s house inebriated and causing a commotion.” That’s not the fun part though, you ready for the fun part? Here comes the fun part…

YES! DERP FACE!

4. Dennis Rodman in North Korea:

The “Worm” is in North Korea along with the Harlem Globetrotters to promote a little “Basketball Diplomacy” by visiting schools and playing pick-up games with locals.  Let’s hope he doesn’t head-butt or kick anyone important in the groin.  Wouldn’t want to start a war or anything…

-WST

TOP 5 Party Moments of the WST!

Long story short, I stopped at a Birthday party this weekend with some friends and though no fault of my own, our group was asked to leave maybe 20 minutes in.

No hard feelings. It is what it is. 

However, to say I'm severely disappointed would be an understatement... 

It snapped a impessive run of an estimated 300 plus parties/social gatherings that I have attended without being kicked out or asked to leave. 

THAT IS HUUUUGGGGE!  IN SPORTS, THAT'S WHAT YOU CALL AN IRON MAN STREAK!

Even more amazing is when you take into effect that this streak had stood firm while doing things and hanging out with people that SHOULD have gotten me the boot alot sooner.

So join as me as I relive my TOP 5 party moments!

5. 2007-Sioux City, Iowa

Synopsis: Ugly Christmas Sweater Party with with my five roommates/Football teammates at our house off-campus

Highlights: Thinking our one buddy had left the party, only to find him passed out behind the dryer in the laundry room the next day.  This sweet Christmas Sweater…





Lowlight: Pretty much became official with my college ex (it's not the young lady above) that night.  In hindsight, definitely not my best decision.  Actually, probably one of my worst to be honest.

4. 2005-Lincoln, Nebraska

Synopsis: Football BYE week results in a road trip to Lincoln and the University of Nebraska for homecoming with my roommate and my best friend from home.

Highlights: Walking into the apartment where we were staying and finding former Nebraska Cornhusker and Oakland Raiders Cornerback Fabian Washington chilling in the kitchen. 

30 minutes later, another Husker alum in New Orleans Saints Safety Josh Bullocks shows up as well. Both were real cool, open to talking about playing in the NFL, and left us with a bottle of Hennessey before hopping into a White Escalade and riding off into the night.

Lowlight: Showed up at a random house party with some people and the roommate’s friend decides to take a piss in the corner of the room. 

We were POLITELY asked to tell him to stop. 

A guy is urinating in your living room and instead of just kicking his ass, you respectfully ask us to grab him...

That’s the kind of juice you carry in Lincoln when you tell people you play for their beloved Huskers.  Never mind if you really do or not…

3. 2006/2007/2008-Iowa City, Iowa

Synopsis: The same way little kids go Apeshit over Disney World.  I get a little magic twinkle in my eye every time I hear the words “Iowa City”.  I truly believe that if you’re between 18 and 23, Iowa City and the University of Iowa is the happiest place on earth.  So many bars, so many girls, so many parties.

Higlights: Pick one! Watching a friend beat a guy up over a slice of pizza? Check.  Bar Crawls? Check. Seeing a couple future NFL players toss around d-bag Frat bros? Check.  Forming a drunk A Capella group and performing a breathtaking rendition of “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” outside of a Pancheros Burritos? Check, and…..check!

Lowlight: The four hour car rides back west to our own school following these weekends were pretty awful.  You are hungover, tired and really didn't want to leave.

2. 2012-Chicago, Illinois

Synopsis: The old college crew hits my city for a bachelor party and that’s all you need to know!

Highlights: Another story for another time!

Lowlight: Not going to bed the night before and spending Sunday morning taking people to the airport, work and brunch all before 10.

1.1996-Oak Park, Illinois

Synopsis: Sleepover for my 10th Birthday!

Highlights: Video Games and Skeeball (I love skeeball) at Fun Zone (RIP) in nearby River Grove.  Pizza for dinner, Ice cream and Cake for dessert.  Watching 'D2: The Mighty Ducks' 'Hackers' and playing SEGA until the sun rose.

Did I mention mom’s waffles in the morning for breakfast?  No, I don't think I mentioned mom's waffles for breakfast.  Mom's Belgian waffles are FLAME!

Lowlight: Not a damn one...

-WST

FULL CIRLE FRIDAY: JUST ME, MYSELF AND I

 

All the stories you know and ones you don’t, but should. Welcome to FULL CIRCLE

MONDAY

-We begin our Week with one, Dwayne Carter, a.k.a. Lil Wayne, a.k.a. Lil Weezy, a.k.a. Lil Tunechi, a.k.a. you should have never have more than two aliases.

Wayne has apparently been sipping on too much Lean (Purple Drank or cough syrup with Sprite for the uninitiated) again as a few weeks ago he was asked to leave a game between the Miami Heat and Los Angeles Lakers following a bizarre scene in which a fan accused him of making a “threatening gun gesture.”

Weezy took to Twitter to voice his displeasure with the Heat Organization following the incident and apparently was still a little upset during last Sunday’s NBA All-Star game as he voiced his displeasure and brought up a little tidbit from the past regarding Chris Bosh’s wife. (Video via TMZ)

You know Bosh is like "Sweetie, you have some splaning to dooooooo!"

-I also bring you this picture of Kareem Abdul-Jabbar in a Darth Vader Helmet and Katherine Webb…

Because you can’t go wrong when you combine a Hall of Fame hooper, Star Wars, and a hot chick. Am I right or am I right?

  

TUESDAY

-Meet the “Elegant Lady,” the Dallas Cowboys’ new $2 million dollar team bus being unveiled at the NFL Scouting Combine in Indianapolis this weekend.

Very nice, now tell me how it will fix Tony Romo or their shaky ass defense?

            -Also on Tuesday

 

Meet 42 year-old former Oklahoma State University booster Gannon Mendez, he won’t be winning any “Father of the Year” awards as he was arrested in Perkins, Oklahoma, for allegedly beating his 9-year old son with a wooden paddle because he roots for Oklahoma instead of Oklahoma State.

No punch line here, except the one I’d like to give him in the face.

WEDNESDAY

            -It really wasn't a good week for NBA/Hip-Hop relations as Toronto Raptors play-by-play man Matt Devlin dissed D.C. Rapper Wale during a game against the Wizards.

Someone tipped Wale off to what Devlin said and took it upon himself to make a press box visit...

Wale looks PISSED. By the way, who the hell let him get all the way up there? 

“You said Drake is better than me?! We got beef son!”

            -Also on Wednesday, in a conference match up of two top five ranked teams, Michigan State and Indiana put on an absolutely amazing show as the Hoosiers triumphed in overtime 72-68 due to the outstanding play of Shooting Guard (and future NBA lottery pick) Victor Oladipo and no thanks to the most overrated player in college hoops, Cody Zeller. 

Zeller’s flopping game seems to be NBA ready though as he grabbed the arm of Michigan State’s Derrick Nix and shoved it into his crotch.

Dick Vitale went nuts as he thought Nix punched Zeller in the groin.  You need to check that eyesight Dickie.

THURSDAY

-The Knicks were in Philly to play the Sixers last month and an 18-year old Philadelphia girl decided to post this little Twitter convo between her and SG J.R. Smith...

Obviously this was met with some criticism, until J.R. posted this clever response on his Instagram account last night.

J.R.Fucking Smith everyone!

            -Also on Thursday, the Miami Heat dominated the my Chicago Bulls 86-67 but not before the United Center crowd let King James know how they really feel after he was hobbled following a Nate Robinson foul.

Classy? Not really.  It is what it is though. Saying we don’t like LeBron here is an understatement.  We LOATHE him.  The only person we hate more is D-Wade and he’s FROM here…

FRIDAY

-Speaking of the Bulls, Reggie Rose, the Brother/Manager of star Point Guard Derrick Rose ripped the organization for not making a move during yesterday’s trade deadline to put more talent around his brother and stated that it may affect whether Derrick returns this year or not.

I see what you’re saying Reggie but at the same time, who the hell would you have liked the Bulls to get?  Joakim Noah and Luol Deng are All-Stars and NOBODY and I mean NOBODY wants Carlos Boozer.

Maybe you should do what your brother pays you to do; manage and close your damn mouth.

WEEKEND WATCH!

What you should be doing this weekend if you know, you’re not drunk or doing something better.

SEE SNITCH!

            -The Wrestling Heavyweight champ of the world goes to work for the Feds.

SEE DARK SKIES!

            -Aliens in your house trying to take the kids?  Well get out of the house then bitch!

SHOVEL SNOW!

            -I love how Mother Nature always waits until February to shit on everyone. 

That’s all!  Another one down.  Enjoy your weekend and stay warm!

-WST

A HUMP DAY ADVENTURE FROM HOME!

Last night was supposed to be a non-eventful Wednesday night.  I was a little under the weather and had already settled onto the couch with my favorite sweatpants when my roommate informed me that we would be having a little company…

He was attending the Swedish House Mafia concert right down the street at the United Center and the two girls going with him would be stopping by the condo to pre-game before heading over. 

If you don’t know whom Swedish House Mafia is. Step one is get out of your cave, step two is checking them out below.

Meanwhile, I’m blowing my nose like a French Horn (that’s what I get for walking out of the gym everyday with my shorts on in the dead of winter. I do stupid shit sometimes).

I know these girls are more than likely good looking, as he tends to associate with girls who are not ugly. So it’s time for an appearance quick tweak.  No girl wants to sit in the living room with the sick, disgusting roommate.

The home quick tweak when girls stop by unexpectedly is never hard; it’s just about looking neat but also looking like you didn't change just for them.

I quickly drink some Nyquil, toss on a gray v-neck t-shirt, my UGG house shoes and turn my Bears NewEra cap backward because all cool guys turn their hats backwards.

Boom! I’ve transformed from sick, disgusting roommate, to cool, chill, lounging roommate.

Around 7:30, a leggy blonde comes through the door followed by a buxom brunette.  See? Told you my roommate has taste.

We make our introductions; talk a bit on how they know each other, watch a little NBA on TV (Kyrie Irving was BALLING). 

I end up having a drink or two while the three of them proceed to completely demolish a bottle of Ketel One with tonic water.

However, I’m starting to notice that it’s getting later.  They had said the SHM would be starting at nine and all of a sudden, it’s 8:45.

At this point, the blonde is completely bombed and she has that face.  You know THAT face because anyone who drinks has had it before.  She quickly makes a beeline for the bathroom and doesn’t come out for bit.

Now the brunette is PISSED. Turns out, she had just moved to Chicago two weeks earlier and really, really had her heart set on seeing this concert.  In fact, she’s so pissed she gets a phone call and runs right to MY room and slams the door.

My roommate keeps his cool, walks to the fridge and tosses me a Popsicle all while trying not to crack up because I have a shit-eating grin on my face.

The process continues for another hour and a half:  The blonde would come out, look like she’s ready to finally go, but then runs right back to the bathroom.  Meanwhile, the brunette goes back and forth between my room, the living room and the bathroom to check on her buddy, all while just stewing and steaming.   

At one point, I jokingly ask if she wants to Harlem Shake it out and she shoots me a death stare that would turn a man to stone.

Finally, around 11:30, the girls have a ride come pick them up and my roommate and I share a quick laugh before heading to bed.

They may have missed Swedish House Mafia, but I definitely got a free show last night and didn’t even have to take a step outside.

-WST

The 100 Best Movie Threats of all time.

I usually do a rant today but I came across this last night.  I don't know why I didn't find it sooner.  I don't know HOW I didn't find it sooner but I now possess it.

 I feel like Indiana Jones when he found that holy grail...

Goosebumps.  Thank you Harry Hanrahan.  Whoever you are

-WST

TWO THUMBS UP, FOUR THUMBS DOWN TUESDAY

Every Tuesday, I’ll be sharing the little life’s pleasures that make me jump for joy and the terrible, awful things I want to spit on.

Two Things that earned my love:

1. Ole Miss Guard Marshal Henderson: The Rebels trailed Georgia by eight with 3:37 left to go in the game.  He would go on to score all 14 of the regulation points after that and finished the game with 25 points, 14 coming on free throws.  When informed that the press wanted to speak to him, Marshall took two steps into the media room and shouted: “ITS ALL THE SAME, IT”S SATURDAY NIGHT. I’M OUT!”
2.  NFL Combine:

College kids are turned to livestock as NFL coaches and personnel watch them run, jump, hop and lift their way to a higher draft position and potentially millions more dollars. It’s like an episode of Double-Dare for grown ups.  Except the contestants can cripple you.

Four things that earned my scorn:

1. Jerry Buss Passing Away:  One of the coolest owners in all of Pro Sports…

RIP

2. Not doing Background checks:  The Belfast Giants of the United Kingdom’s EIHL were recently bought by Floridian, Christopher Knight.  Then they learned of his 2003 conviction for “Lewd or Lasvious Battery,” entailing “sexual activity with a person 12 years of age or older but less than 16 years of age.”  The sale had already been completed and it looked like this fucking scumbag would have a Pro Hockey team.

Thank god the company that owns and manages the arena came to the rescue by forming a new company and signing all the players to the new team.

3. Da‘Quan Bowers:

Every few months or so, we come across an athlete who is dumb enough to think they can sneak a gun through an Airport.  Yesterday, Bowers, a Defensive End with the Tampa Bay Bucs, became that athlete when  he was arrested for carrying a loaded .40 caliber gun in his luggage at LaGuardia Airport in NEW YORK.

You know, the same city that gave Plaxico Burress a two-year bid for CARRYING A GUN AND SHOOTING HIMSELF!

4. Oscar Pistorius:

Worst Comic Strip Ever.  Please don’t put that next to Dick Tracy or Peanuts.  Why Little Tink Tink? Why?

-WST

THE LAST BALLAD OF AN OLD GUNFIGHTER: MY RETIREMENT

Over the weekend, I found myself in the area of Chicago known as Pilsen slugging down craft brews at Simone’s-A trendy bar & lounge where the neighborhood’s suddenly growing hipster population rub elbows with the 20-something sons and daughters of the elders that have long made up this predominately Latin side of town.

Simone’s is a hip-hop addict’s dream.  A place where the house DJ’s spins classics such as De La Soul's “Me, Myself and I” one minute and today’s hits such as “Pop That” by French Montana the next.  It was this song playing overhead when her and I made eye contact...

5’7,dark hair, black leather jacket, gray jeans, red pump heels, the wide-frame black hipster glasses that everyone rocks these days as well as very nice, well, um, “assets.”  My two associates had just went to the bathroom and I stood solo as strutted right up to me with a half smile and asked the question I knew she had on her mind the minute we noticed each other...

“You got moves! Wanna dance-off?"

I looked at her, thought about it, and flashed a smile before I calmly put my hands up and said, “It’s cool, you got it, I don’t even want any trouble tonight!”

That night, or rather morning, as I crawled into my bed, I realized my time had come to an end.

So today, with great sadness but excitement, I officially announce my departure from all competitive dance-offs.

Will I miss it? Sure. Don't fret, I won't leave dancing all together, I'll still get down with a pretty girl or at a wedding.  However, I feel I have accomplished all there is in the domain of dance battles. 

My dancing will go down in history books and I’ve inspired movies. yes. MOVIES.  

Save the Last Dance, Step Up, You Got Served? All me.

First of all, I’d like to thank my parents, Lee & Eleanor. They’ve always been great and motivated me every day. Mom’s Belizean bloodlines also surely helped. Like her, I was naturally born with rhythm.

I’d like to thank the organizers of the Oak Park Park District Jr. High Dances.  It was HERE that I discovered my gift to the beat of songs like The Luniz’s “I got 5 on it” and Lil Troy’s “Wanna Be A Baller”

To Oak Park-River Forest High School: your monthly MORPS (PROM spelled backward) provided me with countless opportunities for competition that would ultimately hone my skills for the next level.

Sioux City, Iowa, Briar Cliff University and the now-closed Rosie’s Bar will always remain special places in my heart.  At one point, I’m almost certain Rosie himself told me he would be naming the dance floor in my honor (maybe I was drunk). 

As for BCU, I look forward to being invited back in a few years for the ceremony honoring me as the greatest dancer to ever grace campus.  I’m sure I can dig up a few old pairs of shoes for their Hall of Fame.

Thanks to Duffy’s, Red Ivy, McGee’s, John Barleycorn, Moe’s Cantina, Kirkwood’s, The Underground, Lumen, Rebel, The Mid, Spy Bar, Le Passage, Soundbar, The Pony, Dore', Bull & Bear, Public House, V-Live, Crocodile, Houndstooth Saloon as well as any other Chicago establishment that were graced with my majestic feet on multiple occasions.

 I look forward to seeing my picture hanging proudly each time I walk through your doors.

As for the future, it looks bright!

 I plan to take my free time to work with the youth as well as open a series of centers all over the Chicagoland area for the rhythmically challenged. 

There are other philanthropic endeavors I have planned as well but they’re not ready to see the light of day yet.

Finally, to all my fans and admirers, I say thank you for recognizing my greatness.  It’s been a fun ride and the honor of watching me move has been all yours.

Life is good. Dancing is better.

-WST