FIGHT NIGHT: HIPSTER CHICK VS. COUNTRY BOY!

Welcome to the Jerry’s Sandwich Shop in Wicker Park! I’m your host, Token Gumbel and we have a clash of epic proportions…

  A match-up that has a taken a few years to build up, but should be worth the wait... 

It’s Horn-Rimmed Glasses vs. Wranglers. Bicycle vs. Truck.  Yes, it’s the Hipster Chick vs. the Country Boy.

TALE OF THE TAPE:

ROG

HEIGHT: 6’2

WEIGHT: 230

LIKES:  Diet Mountain Dew, Trolli Sour Gummy Worms, Rascal Flatts, Steak, Nebraska Cornhuskers Football, Duck Dynasty, Jack & Coke.

DISLIKES: Any food he hasn’t tried yet.

BIO: Rog is a Sales Rep in town for his company’s biggest convention.  He thought he’d bring a couple co-workers out for dinner with his old college friend, a certain Well-Spoken Token.  Little does he know, he’s just walked into Jerry’s, a charming (and delicious) Sandwich shop in a predominantly hipsterish neighborhood on possibly the establishment’s most hipster night of the week: Open mic night.

Rog doesn’t hate the hipster scene as much as he's just not really feeling it.   He thinks that if he were to rock a pork pie hat or pair of mint green pants,  he'd be made fun of or have his ass kicked by his buddies.  WST included.

ADDY *changed to protect

HEIGHT: 5’7

WEIGHT: Yeah right, I’m not guessing that shit.

LIKES: Indie Music, Craft Beer, Sarcasm, Tips, hearing that she resembles Julia Louis-Drefus from “Seinfeld” & “Veep.”

DISLIKES: Awkward moments, Splitting the bill, Anything that’s not gluten-free, The two dudes doing an acoustic cover of “Single Ladies” in the next room.

(fictional) BIO: Addy is just doing the waitress thing until she can get her interior decorating business off the ground.  She enjoys her job though; hours are good, and she’s ecstatic to take a week off to hit up Bonnaroo next month with some of her co-workers since Lollapalooza is too mainstream.

Seems like a normal night but Addy is unaware that among the five guys she just sat down for dinner lies the pickiest eater humanity has ever seen.

LET’S GET IT ON!!!!!!!

ROUND 1

Slow start as Rog asks for a Jack Daniels and coke only to be informed that the they don't carry any.

 Rog asks for Crown Royal and is informed that he should have some Jailers instead,

After confusing it for Sailor Jerry’s, he seems dinterested…

Addison assures Rog Jailers is good and offers a free shot.  Adding in that it won’t really matter since he’s adding coke. Rog tries and is content to mix it with his cola.

Round Winner: ROG!

-Not a bad move inquiring about the Crown, however Addy countered nicely by offering a free shot only to hurts herself by getting snaky.  That could hurt her in later rounds…

ROUND 2

Addy shows up to the table with appetizers right in the middle of Rog's story of that one time Freshman year a girl asked  him for a ride back to campus only to piss herself in the back of his truck... 

She exclaims that this is awkward only for ROG to sneer “You know you like it!” in response.

Round Winner: ADDY

-Not Addy’s fault for unknowingly walking into a college adventure tale, but it looked like adding that touch of smart-ass would clearly would hurt her again…had Roger not responded.

ROUND 3 (FINAL ROUND)

Following the main course, Addy comes back to find Rog has barely touched his French dip and wasn’t really fond of it…

Addy tells him that she’ll comp his meal, adding that she’d rather have him come back next time and try something he likes than not come back at all.

10 minutes later Roger  asks if the bill can be split up, Addy starts to show a little face of irritation.

Bill comes; Rog leaves her a solid tip.  THIS FIGHT IS OVER!  

Round Winner: DRAW!

-Addy didn’t have to visibly show her disdain for the check split request, but increased the chance that the customer would return (HE WILL) and between the other gentleman at the table, she walked away with a nice chunk of change to put away for a rainy day or…towards some OG kush for that concert next month.

Rog meanwhile, only had to pay for his drink, his co-workers had a good time, and he was assured by his buddy that he’ll be taken to his favorite spot over the weekend. 

Let’s go to the decision…

DECISION: WE HAVE A DRAW!!!!!

Yes, a draw, you know these big-time fights never live up to expectations…

OUT UNTIL MONDAY. LATER.

-WST