The fun flaws of the Well Spoken-Token

I thought pretty hard about all my character flaws to discuss this week because I feel like I haven’t provided readers with too much of a background on myself. 

Some people know me extremely well but there are many who only see what I allow them too.

So here are my problems:  I’m obsessed with money, I can be arrogant and materialistic, I tend to overanalyze a lot, I’m very critical of myself, I have no middle ground; I’m a really nice guy or a raging asshole.

Welcome to the wonderful world of a Virgo.

You really didn’t think I intended to take responsibility for my own problems did you? I decided my Zodiac Sign is the perfect scapegoat. Can’t be my own fault, can it?!

I hit up the site, www.gotohoroscope.com basically because it was the first one that came up on Yahoo! It was here that I discovered the Basic Traits of a Virgo.

Holy shit, every flaw I have fits with it’s description!

People born in this period are as a rule general successful in life.

Not really a flaw! But it’s true! You’re reading aren’t you? Success! You love me! I know you do! I love you too! Well most of you!

Virgos are usually materialistic in their views of life and analyze and reason everything from their own way of thinking outwards.

Materialistic? Me? Never?  That? Oh that’s just the Acura truck. What’s that? Oh it’s just the Don Julio 1942 ($85 a bottle) we have been drinking while the game is on. Where am I? Oh, just in Ft. Lauderdale AND Miami by the beach. Like the pictures I plastered over Facebook and Twitter? Hey, remember the crushed velvet sweatsuits I wore in college? Fly weren’t they?

Wait a minute….

Virgos analyze and reason everything from their own way of thinking outwards.  These people are and attracted to only that knowledge that can be applied usefully.  They will happily share this information with anyone if it confirms their own usefulness in the world.

Me: “Hey! I’m a good listener and I already figured you out, tell me your problems so I can feel good about myself and provide you with my superior thoughts and intellect on it!  By the way, I‘m going to be pissed if you don’t take my advice.  I knew I should have charged you for my thoughts."  

"Did I mention I already figured you out?”

If Virgos develop a love for money, they will stop at nothing to acquire it, and this type is often considered cunning and crafty at the expense of others.

I once had an ex-girlfriend call me a money-grubber because I was at the point where I would rather spend time obsessed with work and money then continue to date her.  Who calls someone a money-grubber? More importantly who DOESN’T like money? 

I guarantee you whoever said “Money isn’t everything” was a rich guy.  All I know is that yes, he’s correct, it isn’t everything but it beats whatever the hell is in second place.

For the record, I don’t make it at the expense of others.  Except for that one score (I love saying score) where my surfer buddies and I dressed up as former U.S. presidents to rob banks but were infiltrated by this clown who looked like Keanu Reeves.

Wait, that was ‘Point Break’ wasn’t it?

Virgos are more capable of going to extremes in good and evil than any other type

DING! DING! DING! WE HAVE A WINNER! I am TOO nice and it’s rather awful, we all know from last week’s Wednesday Rant how nice guys can fare!

 I’ve put up with a lot of shit over the years, because people tend to take my kindness for a weakness. 

For instance, I had a friend come into town last weekend and she puts me on the spot and makes me in charge of getting people out for her birthday. I had a solid plan but we encountered a few miniscule problems that anyone would have.

 We parked our cars and had a FOUR block walk to the bar and a 10-minute wait in line and only thing I heard was her bitching. The whole time, I’m just taking it and it’s building up. I tried to hold it in too because it was still her birthday weekend but to no avail.

The end result was an appearance from ASSHOLE JAY. Asshole Jay is the result of holding in too much resentment, frustration, annoyance, and confusion.

While only seen by a few (you know who you are), Asshole Jay is vindictive and ruthless with a stare that would spook a gargoyle.

Asshole Jay is colder than a high school chick at prom with a pity date.

In love, Virgos are the most difficult to understand.  To people born under this sign, love is not dramatic, emotional or sentimental.  Love for them is devotion and will include love of family and friends.

And here I thought I just put up with some of my friends' shit because I was a chump.  Turns out its part of my love and devotion to them. Interesting.  

 I was also under the impression that girls weren’t feeling me just cause I tend to be a goofy weirdo.  Here that girls? I’m difficult to understand! You need to put in that overtime for the Well-Spoken Token.  This isn’t a normal Hershey Kiss here.  THIS IS GODIVA CHOCOLATE BABY AND I’M WORTH IT!

So don’t blame me, blame the fact that I was born between August 23 and September 22.

Are my flaws fixable? Certainly! But why do something about them? You aren’t doing anything about yours?

Are you working on being a better husband, mother, a better brother, sister or friend? Are you making an effort to change that smoking problem?

Excessive drinking?

Gambling problem?

Partying too much?

Lose weight?

Stand up for yourself?

 Are you trying to curb your spending on things that don’t matter? 

Are you trying to stop treating women like garbage?   Men like garbage? People in general like garbage?

You see having flaws is human nature

Recognizing them and making no attempt to better yourself is a whole other flaw in itself.