10. UNCLE BEN('S) PARKER/RICE!
I don’t think there are two other
Uncles under the same name so universally known...
One adopted Peter Parker/Spider-Man and taught him“With Great Power comes great responsibility”
Just kicked some knowledge to you Parker! Words for your ass.
The other?
Well, he’s been slanging Rice so tasty it "really does make a
difference” since the 1950’s.
9. UNCLE FRANK
MCALISTER!
Uncle Frank is a
known cheapskate and prick but that prank Kevin Pulls on him in Home Alone 2 is
the sole reason 8 year-old kids made their folks shell out money to buy that
bullshit Talkboy (Talkgirl) Deluxe voice recorder...
You remember that thing? You thought you were going to be able
to pull off soooooo many pranks when you saw that under your Christmas tree
didn’t you? I know how you feel. Kids can be real schmucks sometimes.
8.
UNCLE FESTER ADAMS!
Uncle Fester is the dude you want at all
holiday dinners, picnics, and various family functions. Buddy gets loaded; get that camera phone ready…
7.
UNCLE DREW!
Everybody has that one uncle who always likes to tell people how baller they were at sports
back in THEIR day. Uncle Drew is
different. He STILL has game and
will feast on your young ass!
6.
UNCLE RUCKUS!
A hero to self-hating black men everywhere, can’t ever say he won’t tell you how he
feels…especially if you’re not white.
5.
UNCLE RICO!
He
may not be athletically gifted an Uncle as Drew and his throwing motion is
pretty bad but do you see that accuracy?
The NFL draft is Thursday and I
can think of a couple NFL franchises that may want to spend a late-round pick
on Rico and attempt to develop him. He’s already more on target than anything currently seen under
center for the Jets, Cardinals, Jags, Browns or Raiders.
4.UNCLE
BUCK!
I think every kid grew up wishing that Uncle Buck would come to watch them when mom and pop went out of town for the weekend!
3.
UNCLE PHIL BANKS!
It’s
not easy taking in your wife’s trouble-making nephew from West-Philadelphia
(born and raised). Philip Banks did
it, however, not without probably getting a little annoyed with all the fat
jokes.
2.
UNCLE SAM!
He dresses like a pimp, but who cares? AMERICA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
1.UNCLE
RUSLAN TSARNI!
Uncles
are not afraid to put you on blast when you’re failing in life and Uncle Ruslan
didn’t have two fucks to give for his Boston Marathon Bombing nephews and
went dead in on them Friday.
Ruslan condemned the actions of Tamarlan and Dzhokhar Tsarnaev, conveyed sympathy towards all the victims and gained a nation in his corner when he pretty much made it clear to America:
WE DON'T EVEN KNOW THEM LIKE THAT! MY FAMILY AND I LOVE AMERICA!!!!
-WST
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