The NBA playoffs start Saturday and while there’s sure to
be a little drama involved, its safe to say barring injury, the Heat are almost
certain to end up facing either the Thunder or Spurs in the finals.
Due to this, I’ve decided to make it interesting and pick
my winners based off the foods that each city is known for. This morning, I
went through the first round match-ups in the east, now it’s time for the wild, wild, west!
WESTERN CONFERENCE
1.) COUNTRY-FRIED STEAK
(OKLAHOMA CITY THUNDER) VS. 8) LEAN/PURPLE DRANK (HOUSTON ROCKETS)
THE STORY OKC:
Oklahoma City is one of two cities in the playoffs that I’ve
never visited and frankly, if you ever find me there, it would be for one of
these three reasons: 1.) I’m stranded. 2. )Someone offered me a lot of money to
be there 3.) I’m there to toss Kevin Durant in my trunk and bring him to the
Bulls.
Anyway, I read somewhere that Oklahomans take their
Country-Fried Steak very seriously and there’s a pretty good one at Ann’s
Chicken Fry on Nw 39th St. so I
guess that’s their representative.
Never really tried country-fried steak until the cafeteria in college and the shit was awful. However I give it the benefit of the doubt and blame it on my alma mater's kitchen staff.
Never really tried country-fried steak until the cafeteria in college and the shit was awful. However I give it the benefit of the doubt and blame it on my alma mater's kitchen staff.
Features: Steak, breading, gravy, served with biscuits,
mashed potatoes or corn.
THE STORY HOUSTON:
Hey, it’s the OTHER city I’m not really familiar with. Only time I’ve step foot in H-Town was
for a connecting flight at the airport. Not really familiar what they’re known
for…
Then again, if there’s anything the region's Rap scene taught me, it’s that Houston Hard Hitters seem to really enjoy two things: Shrimp from
Pappadeaux Seafood Kitchen, and sipping
lean, drank, syrup,
barre, purp, sizzurp, Texas tea. Say hello to the only drink entry everyone...
You have to be a pretty dumb son of a bitch to drink lean.
The shit will slow your heart rate down…that’s NOT appealing to me.
Interesting that the three guys who rapped the most about it, DJ Screw, Big Moe and Pimp C from UGK all DIED from sipping too much of it. Johnny Jolly from the Green Bay Packers ruined his career
trying to slang it, and it’s more than likely the cause of those “seizures” Lil
Wayne suffered from last month.
Features: Sprite, Jolly Ranchers, Promethazine-codeine prescription-grade cough syrup.
THE VERDICT: Not
messing with lean. COUNTRY-FRIED STEAK WINS BY DEFAULT
4.) ROSCOE’S CHICKEN
& WAFFLES (L.A. CLIPPERS) VS. 5.) CORKY’S BBQ (MEMPHIS GRIZZLES)
THE STORY L.A. CLIPPERS:
The Clippers and Chicken & Waffles were meant for each other because
they’ve traveled similar roads…
Both toiled in obscurity for a number
of years only to just up, and explode into the mainstream recently. I had the
pleasure of dining at Roscoe’s Chicken
& Waffles in L.A. a few years back and
have vowed not to touch another establishment’s C&W since.
Features: American waffle, maple syrup, chicken
breast/wing/leg.
THE STORY MEMPHIS:
28 years in business, voted best BBQ in Memphis 22
times? Damn, Corky’s is putting in that work. I’m sure Grizzles Big Men Zach Randolph (Fat Eddie Winslow)
and Marc Gasol have paid a fair share of visits. In fact, those are probably their plates…
Features: “Wet” or “Dry” Ribs, BBQ pulled pork
sandwiches/nachos.
THE VERDICT: This one was really tough but after you dip a piece of
that tender Roscoe’s chicken in the syrup, the decision isn’t that hard after
all…ROSCOE’S TO THE NEXT ROUND!
2.) TEX-MEX (SAN
ANTONIO SPURS) VS. 7.) PINK’S HOT DOGS (L.A. LAKERS)
THE STORY SAN ANTONIO:
San Antone is a hot bed for Mexican Food and Rosario’s
Mexican Café and Cantina is about as old
and reliable as the Spurs roster. Great Food, Colorful setting, beautiful local
works of art and a Margarita that will have seeing double. The Antojitos (white
fish, red onions, jalapeños, lime juice) are quite baller!
Features: Ceviche, chorizo quesadillas, poblano chicken.
THE STORY L.A. LAKERS:
Pink’s is well known and pretty glitzy due to the amount of
movie stars and various celebrities that frequent it just like the team it
represents.
If you ever
feel like a Polish Sausage with nacho cheese, American cheese, guacamole,
onions and chopped tomatoes (Ozzy Osbourn’s Spicy dog), or a 10-inch dog topped
with mustard, onions, chilli and sauerkraut (Rose O’Donnell’s Long Island dog),
Pink’s is a must.
Features: Customized hot dogs, burgers, onion rings.
THE VERDICT: I like Pink’s, but I have a serious thing for great Mexican
Food and that Margarita is legit.
TEX-MEX GOES TO THE SEMIS!
3.) ROCKY MOUNTAIN
OYSTERS (DENVER NUGGETS) VS. 6.) R&G LOUNGE’S PEKING DUCK (GOLDEN STATE
NUGGETS)
THE STORY DENVER:
I could have gone with Coors I suppose, but I've have actually
tried Rocky Mountain Oysters and it was well…an experience.
Features: Bull testicles, breading, cocktail sauce, lemon
wedge, and hot sauce (use lots).
THE STORY GOLDEN STATE:
San Francisco/Oakland Bay area kills it in the Asian food department. Chinese, Sushi, Thai but the best spot
for Cantonese Food is R&G Lounge
with their Peking Duck & Dumplings.
The roasted duck is so crisp, so tender and it’s even better when you
put it into one of the dumplings that’s sweet as a Stephan Curry three-pointer.
Features: Whole roast duck, sweet dumplings.
Features: Whole roast duck, sweet dumplings.
THE VERDICT: Rocky Mountains...never again! PEKING DUCK ALL DAY!
So the Western Conference Food Semis for next Thursday look
like:
One-seeded Oklahoma City Country-Fried Steak facing off
against L.A. Roscoe’s Chicken & Waffles…
While two-seeded San Antonio Tex-Mex faces the sixth-seed,
Bay Area Peking Duck. WHOOOOOO,
THAT COULD BE WAR!!!
-WST
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