WHY DO YOU HAVE TO SUCK SO MUCH FEBRUARY?

This month by far offers the worst holidays.

Sorry Abe Lincoln, I know you freed the slaves but I don’t care that it’s your birthday.

By the way, did you really free the slaves? I gotta confess I fell asleep in the theatre during the second half of  ‘Lincoln’ since I had just seen ‘Django’ seven hours earlier.

Frankly, after watching a freed slave blow up a Mississippi plantation, you wouldn’t feel like spending three more hours seeing how it really happened either.

Sorry, George Washington, I don’t really care about your birthday either, I haven’t had it off in years and I know if you had someone around to blame that Cherry tree shit on, you would have done it.

Sorry Valentine’s day, I should be against you since the last three go down in the scorebook as fails. However, I don’t have the hate in me to really dislike you either.  I’m more indifferent than anything.

You see, I’ve decided February blows and is the worst.

Football is over.

College Basketball and the NBA don’t get interesting until March.

Baseball is still two months away. Don’t give me that World Baseball Classic nonsense, it sucks and should be taken to an empty field and shot.

I’m starting to watch a little more hockey, well scratch that, actually, I’m starting to watch more Chicago Blackhawks hockey, but the sport will always remain the Tito Jackson of the four big ones.

I’ll still watch ‘Mighty Ducks 2,’ ‘Slapshot,’ or ‘Goon’ over an actual NBC Sunday Hockey broadcast.

Weather wise, February sucks.  The innocence and joy I had as a kid playing in the snow is now replaced by pure contempt and hate as an adult who has to drive in it, shovel it, attempt not to slip (busted my ass this morning) on it or step in the dog shit hidden in it.

Even from a social aspect, this month blows.  It’s Wednesday and I can already tell you what I’ll be doing with my Saturday? Shit. 

I’ll wake up, eat some Oatmeal, go lift at the gym, come home, shower, throw on those sweatpants that are a size too big and spend the rest of the day occasionally glancing at some college hoops game that I could care less about or listen to Childish Gambino and Mac Miller while watching ‘Tombstone’ for the 200^th time, “I’M YO HUCKLEBERRY!”

On Sunday, I’ll either go to someone’s place or people will come over to watch some ‘Shameless’ and ‘Walking Dead’ and we’ll use the three hour block to forget there’s a million things to get done once Monday hits.

Know my plans for next weekend?  The same thing.  Maybe a chill stop for a drink Friday night, but other than that, it’s like I’m in hibernation.

Only thing worthwhile this month is my little sister’s birthday (love you kid, one team, one dream).  It’s February 12^th, readers should buy her lots of gifts or face her unforgivable wrath.

So enjoy your February, well try to anyway.

-WST