FULL CIRLCE FRIDAY: FUNKY FOR YOU

All the stories you know and ones you don’t, but should. Welcome to FULL CIRCLE

MONDAY

- In a week where we celebrated the power of love, we start in the city of Brotherly Love as the Philadelphia Eagles announced that it had restructured Quarterback Michael Vick’s contract for one year.  Vick will head into next season with the task of spearheading the same fast-paced spread-offense that new Coach Chip Kelly ran during his tenure at the University of Oregon.

Over/Under of games Vick starts before being knocked out for the season opens at seven.

Seriously Chip is going to get this guy killed. They know it too as they just signed former Oregon dual-threat QB Dennis Dixon to back him up once Vick goes down. He’ll more than likely get blown up as well and the Eagles will probably throw in LeSean McCoy (they love misusing him, why not?) and THEN ask him to drop back and pass the ball 60 times just so they can fuck up my fantasy team.

-Also Monday, Golden State Warriors unveiled their new alternate jerseys. It’s a concept Warriors owner Peter Gruber calls “Revolutionary” as key changes include a lighter fabric and sleeves.

So what you’re saying is that Basketball teams of the future will just wear Under-Armour shirts instead of jerseys?

TUESDAY

-Grapplers young and old cried foul as the International Olympic Committee (IOC) announced that it would be discontinuing Wrestling for the 2020 Olympic games.  Wrestling has been a part of the Olympics since 1896 and was chosen out of 26 core Olympic sports. 

Bullshit. You cut this…

But you keep modern Pentathlon?

            -Also on Tuesday, four University of Alabama Players were suspended indefinitely from the team after being arrested for robbery and assault.  

Three of the players confessed to attacking a pair of men Monday night and stealing a wallet, computer and a debit card that was later used to purchase SNACKS from a campus vending machine…

The victims managed to identify their attackers easily as they wore their jerseys with the name and number on the back.

Ok, that part is a joke but seriously, why are you robbing people in a town where everyone knows who you are? I’m not saying it’s ok to be a criminal but if you’re going to do it, be a SMART CRIMINAL.

WEDNESDAY

            -Meet Daniela Holmqvist, A 24 year-old Swedish rookie on the Ladies Golf European Tour.  On the fourth hole for the Women’s Australian Open in Yarralumla, Australia Homqvist noticed a Black Widow Spider on her ankle.

GAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! STOP. HOLD THE PHONE. FUCK, AND THAT SHIT. I HATE SPIDERS!!!!  TERRIFIED OF THEM! I WOULD HAVE SCREAMED LIKE A LITTLE GIRL!!!

Holmqvist swatted it away and almost immediately fell over in pain as the as the vile creature had bitten her.  After being informed that a Black Widow bite could kill a child within 30 minutes, she quickly grabbed the only thing available, her GOLF TEE and used it to cut open the wound and squeeze the venom out.

That’s some Crocodile Dundee shit dude.  I think I have my first nominee for the WST Badass of the year award.  In fact, she may be the winner.

            -Meet Leonard Cooper, he’s a boss as well. While he didn't dig arachnid venom out of his lower body with golf equipment, I think if you watch this, you'll agree he's got skills.

Now THAT is Swag.

THURSDAY

- OSCAR PISTORIUS (a.k.a. Little Tink Tink)...OSCAR, OSCAR, OSCAR, OSCAR. You shot & killed your girlfriend thinking she was a burglar (or at least you say you thought), she was a beautiful model AND she was sneaking in your place to give YOU your Valentine’s Day gift…

That’s a triple fail in my book.

UPDATE: Screw that Burglar story; word out of Johannesburg is that prosecutors are not buying it.   It’s now being reported police were called to the house hours before the shooting as neighbors complained of a loud argument between the two. Later when they returned, the girlfriend, Reeva Steenkamp, was found shot through a bathroom door.

Yeah, you’re going to prison Tink Tink.

            -Steelers Linebacker and 2008 Defensive Player of the year James Harrison has announced that he will be joining a Dodge ball Team known as the Ball Busters for the off-season. 

Jesus James, this is why people think black men don’t like to smile.  Do you really have to look hard in EVERY photo? How would you feel walking into a gym against this team and seeing Brick Shithouse here warming up to toss something serious at your noggin? RINGER!!!

FRIDAY

            -A meteorite exploded over the Russian City of Chelyabinsk early this morning, damaging several buildings including the home of the KHL’s (Russian Hockey League) Traktor Chelyabinsk.

The arena obviously will be shut down and puts a playoff game the team had scheduled for next Thursday in serious question.

Why is this the only thing I could think of once I heard a Meteor had fallen?

WEEKEND WATCH!

What you should be doing this weekend if you know, you’re not drunk or doing something better.

SEE A GOOD DAY TO DIE HARD!

            -Dudes did their Valentine’s Day duty, the least ladies can do is sit through an hour, 45 minutes of this epicness.

NBA ALL-STAR GAME!

            -Entertainers along with ballers past and present, descend upon Houston for a weekend of parties, networking and hordes of gold-diggers.  It culminates Sunday with an exhibition game featuring no defense.  Should be fun regardless.

NBA SLAM DUNK CONTEST!

            -Last year's sucked. Can we get Blake Griffith to dunk over a car again? Afterwards, can someone run him over with it?

He’s kind of a dick to himself in those KIA commercials. 

That’s it for this guy.  I gotta go through the rest of the day with a hangover.  This is why I don't go out in the middle of the week anymore.

Have a great weekend and be safe!

-WST