Monday, February 4, 2013

5 Suspects behind the Super Bowl Power Outage

There I was; Good food, lots of drinks, lovely women. I was having the best Super Bowl in recent memory at a friend's party.  The Ravens were in the middle of a thorough dismantling of the San Francisco 49ers and then this happened...


Someone forget to pay the light bill? Jim Harbaugh's finger prints on that switch?  Ray Lewis out in one final attempt to eliminate all remaining enemies?

Not bad theories for your average citizen, however, WST is smarter than that and dug deeper to find the REAL forces at work here and offers you five suspects who could have had something to do with last night's Power Outage.


5. ROBERT REDFORD
 Was he in the Super Dome?  Did he have that bat, "Savoy Special" with him?  If he did, look no further.



4. BANE
 After collapsing Gotham Stadium like a troubled marriage, I could easily see the masked terror from last Summer's 'The Dark Knight Rises' having something to do with the lights taking a vacation as he was born in the dark, moulded by it.  He drops a couple pretty sick verses right here. You hear the name Bane, you feel the pain New Orleans.


3. KANYE WEST & RHIANNA
 Beyonce ripped up the halftime show but it wouldn't shock me if little bro and sis, Yeezy & Rhi-Rhi got a little jealous and attempted to steal the show.  My sources tell me they had an  impromptu performance ready to go. Luckily, building operators got the lights back on before the duo of douche could do their thing.  You know rap concerts never start on time.



2. SHAWNE “LIGHTS OUT” MERRIMAN
 He hasn't been good since the league made him get off the "juice," but about 5 years ago, he was one of the most dominant sack artists in the league. That's why the NFL really stands for Not For Long.  However, like his signature dance, I can see him turning the switch with a flick of the wrist.


1. PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING
 Anyone who enjoys the theatrics of the squared circle knows last night was nothing unusual and EXPECTED someone to be out on the 50 yard line once the blackout ended.  Chris Jericho?  Sting? Nope, last night was work of the dark man himself, the phenom, yes the UNDERTAKER!!!!!!

SPECIAL MENTION: NBA Commissioner David Stern:  Because David Stern is part of EVERY conspiracy theory in sports.  I can picture him there right now in the Super Dome, chilling next to Roger Goodell with that damn smirk on his face.


-WST

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