THE FIVE DRUNK ALTER EGOS OF MEN!

Every guy has woken up in a living room full of friends wearing shit-eating grins and asked, “What the hell happened last night?”

There’s bits, and there are pieces, but you can never remember the whole story and rightfully so…you were an entirely different person.

That’s cause you had one too many and your drunk alter-ego made an appearance.  The drunk alter-ego can vary, but here are the five more common ones hiding within men and just waiting to let loose whenever we decide to get white-boy wasted.

DANCE-FEVER DANIEL

            One Long Island too many?  Is there a dance floor?  Most importantly, did N*ggas in Paris just come on?  Daniel may not be the best dancer, but he’s going to cut a fucking rug like no one is watching, which is too bad, because EVERYONE is watching.   Get ready to be a YouTube sensation buddy.

TALK-SHOW TOMMY

            Talk-Show Tommy gets deeper than a Chicago-Style pizza and wants to discuss everything; life, politics, work, the government, problems in his relationship, how much he values your friendship.  Look, your boys love you and all, but they're trying to talk to these girls here, speaking of girls…

SMOOTH STEVE

            Smooth Steve is interesting; normally a shy-type, he now has some liquid courage and thinks he's Don Johnson, James Bond, and Derek Jeter all rolled into one.  From this point forward, any woman who as much looks in his direction wants him…well…in his mind anyway.  The best part is the next day when you ask him why he couldn’t close; he’ll always give the “I was too drunk” excuse. Never mind that being too drunk is what got him that far in the first place.

FISTICUFFS FREDDY

            Here’s how a night at the bar can go once F.C.F gets sauced:

:::GUY BUMPS INTO YOU:::

GUY: My bad man!

YOU: It’s cool!

F.C.F: YOU ALRIGHT BRO?! YOU GOOD?!  FUCK IS HIS PROBLEM?! HEY MAN, IS THERE A PROBLEM?!!! DO…WE…HAVE…A…PROBLEM?!!!!

I guess it’s cool to have a guy like that around if there’s actually a situation, but this dude just scared the shit out of everyone and now bouncers have their eyes on your clique for the rest of the night.

MUNCHIE MIKE

            At the end of the night, the only thing Munchie Mike is looking to hook up with is a sandwich damn it.   If he has a taste for a certain food, he will not end the night until he gets it.   Closest Sonic is 20 miles?  You’ll find a way.  Have a craving for Wendy's and Taco Bell?  Hit both drive-thrus.   Chocolate Chip Pancakes at 4 in the morning?  Let’s do it.

-WST