I love my city. If you read on the reg, you know I
do. At the same time, it’s not
perfect, and Wednesday kicked off the lone event I despise in the Windy City;
The Taste of Chicago.
Yes, “The Taste” has gone from something I had a great time with as a kid to a week I hate so much, I’d rather have my back waxed by Stevie
Wonder than attend. Why is my
disdain for something that’s supposed to be a “fun” so
strong? Well read further…
5. THE WEATHER!
So hot man, and
I hate being too hot. At least
when it’s freezing, I can put on more layers. When I’m hot, I turn into a cranky fuck on the same level of
Walter Mathaau. It will rain for three straight weeks, but let the week of the
Taste come up and it’s nothing but humid ass-sweat weather. Can a brother get an overcast day or something?
4. THE TRAFFIC!
Stay away
from Michigan avenue until Monday. It’s a parking lot and will make you consider committing vehicular manslaughter on the dumb-shit pedestrian who just decided it would be a great idea to cut in front of your car just as you’re finally
allowed to move a few feet.
Speaking of large crowds…
3. HORDES OF TOURISTS!
Like any native
of any large city, I don’t give a damn if the local economy needs their
dollars, is there any way we can just take tourists’ money and lure them
through a series of mazes that lead right back to the city limits?
2. OVER-PRICED FOOD!
The only thing
worse than the small portions is the prices. Eight bucks gets you 12 tickets, but four pieces of chicken
costs nine tickets? That isn’t
right! Dude, give me two
bros along with eight more dollars and I’ll just go to Popeye’s for a family meal WITH a side! What do you know about
those Cajun Mashed Potatoes!!!!!!!!
1. ROBIN THICKE!
Damn you evil
Timberlake. I like your music, I
really do. I’ve been in your
corner since A Beautiful World. How dare you agree to perform
tonight as part of the City’s grand scheme of attracting more bodies to a cash-grab/tourist trap. ‘Blurred Lines’ is really rapey by the way, not that I care
though, I have that shit in my ears right now!
HEY, HEY, HEY!
-WST
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