Wednesday Rant: Nice Guys? Wrong Game.

“I am so done with dudes right now, I just attract jerks, I just need a nice guy, all they want is sex, all men are assholes, there are no good men out there, men are just stupid.”

Being a guy and hearing this out of a woman is awful. 

It’s worse than those damn Twilight movies and their false pretenses of romantic Vampires.

Vampires are stone cold, heartless PIMPS damn it!  They’re done making those movies right?  If they make any more, I hope Count Chocula pops up with a razor and cuts Robert Pattinson. Slow.

I've reached the point where I'll listen to a Ke$ha album over a lack of quality guys complaint.

Am I a nice guy? I have my moments, triumphs and embarrassing failures as one. 

I once had a girl tell me I’m TOO nice. That I was the type a girl someday marries, not dates in high school. 

I can appreciate honesty, but damn, that just sounds like some cold-blooded shit doesn’t it?  Did this broad just tell me my best bet is a developmental contract?!

“You got potential and heart, kid, but you’re not ready for the show.  Work on being a dick for a few years, keep hustling. MAYBE it will pay off for you.”

Am I bitter? Not really.  There's times where I was screwed over, but I'm not innocent either.  College really sticks out.

It’s just irritating because so many women know they're bullshitting when they say there's no nice guys out there.

There are plenty of nice guys out there. I’ve played ball with them, worked with them, gone to school with them, kicked it with them, called them friends.

Truth is if a woman is looking for a nice guy, she doesn’t want just ANYONE; she wants the nice guy that SHE created.

It’s like the 7 year-olds who drag their folks to Build-A-Bear Workshop, where $30-$50 is spent creating what could be bought for 12 bucks anywhere.  However, that custom teddy probably feels a lot better snuggling up to than whatever the hell they’re selling at Toys-R-Us.

It’s like me at a Five Guys Burgers.  WENDY’S? NO! I’D RATHER SHELL OUT 18 BONES AND TOSS ON BACON, MUSHROOMS, GRILLED ONIONS, JALEPENOS AND HOT SAUCE BECAUSE THAT SHIT IS MORE DELICIOUS!  I EVEN NAMED MY CREATION. I CALL IT EL GUAPO!!!

The same way we customize food, phones, computers, television, Facebook and Twitter, some women have the habit of taking that “asshole” guy and trying to tailor him to fit her wants and needs. 

Never mind they usually already know four to eight good guys; men who could instantly provide them what they claim they're looking for.

Chivalrous fellas who will open doors, send Flowers, and can be taken home to visit parents without embarrassment

Ain’t nobody got time for that! Too easy apparently!           

I know women who treat the idea of going after those types like Buck hunting with an Uzi, no sport in it. 

Women enjoy the chase just as much as men do.  If they didn’t, they wouldn’t go after the same types over and over with the same results.

Females will take d-bags, losers, cheaters, bros, meatheads, lames, sexists, drunks, gamblers, thugs or womanizers and try to make a new one from scratch like a damn episode of Martha Stewart’s Living.

A determined woman may succeed too.

I think the female ego holds a pipe dream to create a gentleman from a jackass.

You know, the guy who disrespects her.

The dude she has to pick-up for a date.

That clown who tends to just play games with her head and heart.

The prick that rarely ever calls and when he does, he’s drunk and it’s just to come fool around.

However, just like that teddy bear or burger, customization always costs a little extra, and the price for that type of man is usually putting up with a lot more drama and bullshit. 

To think otherwise is silly.