The NFL Playoffs: Who Knew? (part 2)

 I should have known Sunday was going to be strange the second I turned on the TV just in time to catch Mark Wahlberg crash and burn through the FOX pre-game intro.

The fuck is he doing on my TV? I mean what kind of insight and analysis can he offer me right now?  How to Executive-Produce every show on HBO?

The only time I want to see Marky-Mark on my TV is to watch him hurl insults and one-liners in that sometimes entertaining, “Southie Boston” accent he does like this.

Anyway, I felt confident that I could finish the weekend 2 for 4 on my picks.  

The Atlanta Falcons had established a rep as the band kids of the NFL; talented, but not getting past first base anytime soon.

No one outside of Houston seriously thought the Texans could beat the Patriots.

I watched the Atlanta-Seattle tilt at a Bowling alley in the burbs since one of my best friends was having a birthday party for his son and who doesn’t love cake? 

My buddy’s kid seriously may have more friends at age four than I think I have now and trying to move around was like navigating a loaded mine field.  One wrong step, and I would have a moat of tears and a pissed off parent on my hands.

To avoid destroying a child, I ended up spending most my time in the lounge with a pint, a couple other friends and maybe one dad who you could tell was just envious as shit watching us drink.  He could only check the score every few minutes, or risk his kid wandering off and becoming property of the joint.

The bartender was rocking an authentic Matt Ryan jersey and I thought he was the sorriest son of a bitch on earth as the Falcons raced to a 20-0 half time lead but managed to choke it back to the Seahawks and were down by one with under a minute left.

Meanwhile, I was feeling validated, I started doing what I do best; talking shit to my guys.  Saying I called it and whatnot.

 I was feeling myself so much; I decided to crow a little bit on Facebook just so everyone could see what a big ass genius I was to have guessed a Football team would choke….

Just like Saturday, who knew?

Who knew that even after Ryan offered up a Golden Globe worthy performance of Tony Romo for almost the entire fourth quarter, he’d suddenly snap out of it and drive his team into field goal position thanks to some soft-ass coverage?

Who knew Pete Carroll would attempt to ice Matt Bryant with a timeout on a kick that missed?

So you know what happened next, Bryant gets another kick and....

Game.

Me: “OH SHIT”

People on Facebook: “HAHAHA, DUMB BASTARD!”

Bartender:  SMUG “KISS MY ASS!” GRIN.

You know what? Fuck Matt Ryan. Nothing irks me more about him than the fact that he owns the douchiest nickname in pro sports anyway.

Matty Ice is a name you hear during a Golf Pros and Tennis HOs party at some lame ass frat.  OOHHHHHH SHIT BROSEPH, WE GOT MATTY ICE IN THE HOUSE!!!!!!

As for the second game of the day, who knew I would actually get a pick right? Patriots win!

But who knew Gronk would bonk his forearm again and miss the rest of the season.

Who knew Brandon Spikes did a little popping and locking in his spare time?

So I finished the weekend 1-3.   That’s pretty awful and it probably means my picks should be regarded as a kiss of death.

If that’s the case, let’s go Patriots and Falcons.

Dare I say Harbaugh Bowl in New Orleans?