The NFL Playoffs: Who Knew? (Part 1)

SHIT, how about those NFL playoffs over the weekend!!! They left me with such a feeling of satisfaction, I thought I would need a smoke and a Turkey Sandwich afterward and those were just Saturday’s games.

The NFL postseason teaches us that streaks, records and previous matchups don’t mean shit on that given day and this weekend was no exception. 

Last Friday, in Full Circle, I made what I felt were all pretty headstrong picks and went with the Broncos, Packers, Patriots and Seahawks.  

I'll discuss the Pats and Hawks later but I'd like to focus the day one games, Broncos (vs. Ravens) and Packers (vs. 49ers).  

Both lost and I went 0-2, but damn, who knew?

Who knew Joe Waka Flacco Flame would make it rain on Denver like a tax refund at the strip club?  

The fella may look like the result of a menage a troi between two Muppets (Sam the Eagle, Bert) and Adam Carolla, but he brought his big-boy pants.

Who knew Ex-Champ Bailey, the gold standard of cornerbacks in the league for years, would just wake up Saturday morning and have such a mediocre game, that it would invoke two-dozen bad “Colorado smoking/burning marijuana” jokes.

And why would I be dumb enough to doubt the will of this Man:

 AND THAT WAS JUST AN INTRO TO A VIDEO GAME!!  DOESN'T THAT MAKE YOU JUST WANT TO DO SOMETHING GREAT AND THEN GO JACK SOMEONE IN THE FACE?!!!  THAT GUY COULD MOTIVATE ME TO DO ANYTHING!

If Ray Lewis were my physics professor, I would be a master Chaos Theorist.

If Ray Lewis were my personal trainer, dates would request to eat their dinner off my abs.

If Ray Lewis told me to take a murder rap for him, I, well, you know what? Not going there.

Also, who knew Jim Harbaugh and the 49ers offense would toss their playbooks and just develop their entire game plan around a couple hours of NCAA Football on XBOX?  Read-Option? Really? Colin Kapernick rushed 183 yards to the tune of it.

Who knew that the Packers defense would keep falling for it like a young kid sibling who's afraid to use the bathroom at night because you told them there's a monster waiting to maim them under the bed?

So Ray Lewis wins and the state of Wisconsin loses?  Beautiful. I could deal with zero for the day if that's the result.

Citizens of that hellhole to the North, don’t fret.

The Bulls and Fighting Illini were both Champ Bailey’d by the Bucks and Badgers in hoops last week, so you got that going for you.  Freaks.