FULL CIRCLE FRIDAY-FUCK KD!

All the stories you know, and ones you don’t, but should. Welcome to FULL CIRCLE FRIDAY.

MONDAY
-Cristiano Ronaldo had a statue dedicated in his honor in his hometown of Funchal, Madeira, Portugal.

Um...that statue looks a little TOO excited there.  

On the bright side, when little Ronny eventually asks pops where he came from, he can point to that bulging bronze dick and proudly say right there son!

-You ever wanted to run a race but you're too fat and training several months out of the year isn't really your thing?

Well the Philly 0.0 instant gratification run is just for you.  On, February 6th, "runners" from around the globe will pony up $35 bones to step from a start line over a finish line.  

Winners are chosen by lottery and each participant gets the basic marathon swag upon completion.

You can even pay $28 dollars to be a "Virtual Participant" in case you still don't feel like leaving your couch.

Excuse me while I book my flight to the City of Brotherly Love.

TUESDAY
-Quart'e Smith, a four-star linebacker prospect from Georgia posted a picture of himself having a relaxing soak in a tub filled to the brim with recruiting letters...

I don't know which school will gain Smith's services next year but you see that candle in the corner?

His decision is going be real sensual, baby.

-Speaking of linebackers, Alabama investigators would like to have a word with Dallas Cowboys LB Rolando McClain and the car seen speeding away from his $1.5 million dollar home minutes before it burst into flames and burned to the ground...

The house had been listed for sale.  Is it Arson (probably) but who cares?

Because the jokes kind of write themselves....

Like who pays $1.5 million to live in Alabama?

Or...

Torched just like Dallas' defense come postseason time.

WEDNESDAY

-YO! ERNIE ELS!  WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!

South African Original eh?  Better cut that shit out before Arnold Palmer finds out and fades your ass bruh.  You come at the King, you better not miss!

-Retired Lakers Star Vlade Divac sank a half-court shot to win $90,000 dollars for charity...

And if you're wondering, yes, that in fact is the Lakers best play of the season.

THURSDAY

-FUCK ALL THIS SHIT RIGHT NOW......

Happy Holidays readers! From me and my family to you and yours!

OH AND NEXT YEAR, STOP POSTING "MERRY CHRISTMAS YA FILTHY ANIMALS!" 

HOME ALONE CAME OUT IN 1990!  THAT LINE WAS FUNNY FOR MAYBE AN HOUR WHEN I WAS FIVE.  GET OVER IT!  YOU'RE RUINING ONE OF MY FAVORITE CHRISTMAS MOVIES YOU FUCKING RUINERS!  SAY THAT SHIT NEXT YEAR AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS!

FRIDAY

-UMMM.....

Well then, let's hope 2015 beats 2014.  

-Good luck Houston!

So the Texans just need Case Keenum, Connor Shaw and Chase Daniel to win football games this weekend to make the playoffs. Sounds do-able.
— AJ Hoffman (@AJIsTheReal) December 26, 2014

I'm just kidding, there's no such thing as luck with THAT situation, they're dicked like your girl at NBA All-Star weekend. 

WEEKEND WATCH!

What you should be doing this weekend if you know, you’re not drunk or doing something better…

RETURN GIFTS!
You told Aunt Gwen and Uncle Roscoe to just give you cash dammit!

WATCH AWKWARDLY-NAMED BOWL GAMES!
My personal favorite?  Franklin American Mortgage Music City Bowl.

SEE THE GAMBLER!
The Marky-Mark one.  Although Kenny Rogers is a G.

FRIDAY SHOUT-OUT!

Recognizing whomever the hell I want!

Shout-Out to beast mode!  You sir, have no regard for human life and demonstrated it once again last Sunday. 

Oh and note to the media:  Stop calling his runs "Beast Quakes"

That lame-ass shit sounds like a passed-over name for a Dairy Queen treat.  I don't know any beast quakes...

All I know is Hold Mah Dick and Hold Mah Dick II: The Sequel!  That's what I've known them as since the jump and that how they should be known moving forward.

I'm going to go eat a cheeseburger on the beach.  This forecast: Dark and Cloudy...with chance of drive-by.

-WST