Friday, December 19, 2014

FULL CIRCLE FRIDAY-SOMEONE TO LOVE


All the stories you know, and ones you don’t, but should. Welcome to FULL CIRCLE FRIDAY.

MONDAY
-Ya boy Kobe passes Michael Jordan for #3 on the NBA all-time scoring list...
If there was any opposing crowd that would give Kobe a standing ovation, you KNEW it would be Minnesota.  They're nice as hell up there in the Twin Cities...kind of annoying to be honest. Shit, they're just happy to have a Basketball team.  Makes them feel more metropolitan.

Afterwards, the Lakers threw Kobe a depressing "congrats" party on the team's plane...
JESUS MAMBA...you hate everyone and they hate you.  I know your whole schtick is be as close to Jordan as humanely possible but even he had some fucking friends bruh.  

I'm serious...Mike had Scottie to carry his luggage, Charles Oakley to beat people up and Steve Kerr to punch in the face for no reason.  Closest thing to a friend you've had in your career?  

Mark Madsen...
In fact, you should give him a call, you seem like you could use a hug these days.

-The Flyers Claude Giroux decided to get on some second grade shit and wiped his boogers on an unsuspecting ref...
That'll be 20 minutes against the wall at recess Claude.

TUESDAY
-Florida Panthers and Washington Capitals went back and forth for the longest shootout in NHL history...
Damn...more shots on goal than fans left in the arena.

-Jets owner Woody Johnson "accidentally" favorited a tweet calling for General Manager John Idzik's firing...
Woody's response?
Idzik actually IS getting fired this offseason.  Woody just didn't mean to favorite it yet.


WEDNESDAY
-The Andre Iguodala travel bounce is here to take the streets by storm!
You hear that Bobby Shmurda?!  The Shmoney dance's reign of terror is over!  In fact...
YOU might be over too!  It was all good just a week ago!

-Bears Safety (fuck this team) Chris Conte told reporters he'd rather die 10 to 15 years earlier than not play in the NFL and have a long life. Well...
Conte had died at least 15 times in the last two SEASONS alone so I think he knows what he's talking about.  At least the money's good, right Chris?

THURSDAY
-The hell?

If I were a Pistons fan, I don't want Brandon Jennings anywhere near my team.  I wouldn't wish that dude on anybody.

But fuck all that shit right now...
I went 0-13 in my fantasy football league this year.  0 and fucking 13...you know how hard that is to do?  Embarrassing to be honest, worst part is that I actually tried every game because throwing in the towel and not trying in fantasy is a coward's way out.

Ray Rice said it not so best: sometimes in life, you get knocked down...  

Well shit, I don't know WHO I pissed off to earn this humbling.  Everything that could go wrong, did go wrong.  

I look back at my draft and calling it a "dumpster fire" would be way too nice.  Let's review:

FIRST ROUND-ADRIAN PETERSON (3rd overall):  Purple Jesus!  Best running back in football, can't go wrong right?!  The dude tore up his knee up a few years ago and came back part cyborg for pete's sake!

Then he decided to stuff leaves in his kid's mouth and mollywhop him with a tree branch...so much for that!  

Seriously, here's me in my car that Friday evening in September when the announcement came through that he was getting suspended...
Would it get worse?  You know it does!

SECOND ROUND-ZAC STACY (18th overall): With feature RBs already running low, I opted to take Stacy, who came out of nowhere in 2013 to rip off 1,114 total yards with eight touchdowns. 

Unfortunately, this dude went back to nowhere in 2014...up until week 13, he hadn't gotten a carry since October and has been moved to the bottom of the depth chart.  I dropped Stacy five weeks into the season.

THIRD ROUND--BRANDON MARSHALL (23rd overall):  I think I've made it abundantly clear how I feel about Brandon Marshall these days.  He is the NFL's greatest con man and that's all I got to say about that.

FOURTH ROUND-JORDAN CAMERON (38th overall):  I thought Jordan Cameron was going to be that next breakout Tight End man...   

He had the numbers (917 yards, 7 TDs) in 2013 plus he's got the look!
Seems like a chill dude...LA guy...probably has a black cousin somewhere in his family and listens to a lot ScHoolboy Q.  

Plus EVERYBODY knows white TEs are reliable as shit.  They'll always get that catch on 3rd and 9 while risking a potential concussion.  

I say concussions because that's exactly what's happened.  He's missed five games this season between that and an ankle injury.

Doesn't help having Brian "is he good or nah?" Hoyer and Johnny Football under center either.

FIFTH ROUND-KEENAN ALLEN (38th overall):  Allen racked up 1,047 yards and seven TDs as a ROOKIE in 2013 and looked like he was going to be Phillip Rivers' go-to guy going into this season...

Then Rivers decided he was going to be an elite Quarterback again...do you know know what elite QBs do?  They try to break the ball off to everyone. 

Between Eddie Royal vulturing catches and Allen becoming the focal point of opposing defenses, he's put up a mediocre 783 yards and four TDs this season.

I hope someone slashes Rivers' car tires and punches him in the face.

SIXTH ROUND-RAY RICE (58th overall):  I present to you, my thought process in late August:

Is he a piece of shit?  Of course...but I'm trying to win MONEY here man.  I have no time for a conscience at the moment. 

Did he have a pedestrian 2013 as far as numbers?  Sure, but if the NFL has taught us anything, fans will forget all about that negative publicity with a productive season.  I think 1,200 yards rushing and 10 TDs should do it.

September 8th:

Haha, the ace up my sleeve, all I gotta do is hold it down two games until he comes back from that weak suspension the ginger-hammer handed out and...
Oh shit, I'm dicked.

GREAT SEASON GUYS! OH I HAD TY HILTON AND FOOTBALL JETER TOO!  THEY WERE COOL, THE REST OF YOU?  DO ME JUST ONE LITTLE FAVOR AND GET FUCKED?  GREAT, THANKS!

FRIDAY
- Last night was the final tilt in the NFL's 'Thursday Night Football' slate of games and league certainly saved it's best for last...
I'm sure we'll all be thirsty for a Jacksonville-Tennessee match up come March, but for now, good riddance TNF.

WEEKEND WATCH!
What you should be doing this weekend if you know, you’re not drunk or doing something better…

SEE THE HOBBIT: BATTLE OF THE FIVE ARMIES
Caught it back on Wednesday.  Not great but not awful, shoot it a peep.

WATCH LOW-LEVEL COLLEGE FOOTBALL!
Wisconsin-Whitewater! Mount Union!  Sam Houston State!  North Dakota State!  Colorado State-Pueblo!  Minnesota State!  Normally, no one would give a shit about these schools, and frankly, no one still does!  

 But if you're one of those self-righteous "I prefer athletes who play for the love of the game" types.  This is like a hand job for you.

WATCH THE NFL ON SATURDAY!
NFL Football on Saturdays is the best thing ever.

 It's all the fun of a Saturday but wait, if you want to watch the Eagles kick the shit out of Washington or Jim Harbaugh's farewell tour, you can! It's only on NFL Network though, so that blows.

FRIDAY SHOUT-OUT!
Recognizing whomever the hell I want!
Shout-out to North Korea!  That's right, I said it!

They saved America from the "Interview" and I couldn't be happier!  You didn't really want to see that piece of shit did you?

Oh you did?  Well go drink bleach and punch yourself in the nuts.  I promise it's the same feeling you'd have if you had watched it.

I'm out to go do some black guy shit. I don't see no Ray-Ray.

-WST
Posted by at

No comments:

Post a Comment

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)