Wednesday Rant: Whiskey, Green Beer and Me!

So about this time last month, I did a “Wednesday Rant” on Valentine’s Day…

Most people were feeling it.  Had a good reception.

However, there were a few fuckers who were MAD!!

I’m not in the business of embarrassing people I know but here’s one text I got from a female friend of mine after that V-Day post…

“READ YOUR RANT.  FYI: THE MORE YOU TELL COUPLES TO KEEP THEIR RELATIONSHIPS PRIVATE, THE MORE LIKELY THEY’LL WANT TO RUB IT IN YOUR FACE.  SORRY I’M NOT SORRY J!”

Fair enough.  I can deal with being criticized

Fires too hot,  get out of the kitchen right?

However, be warned, because this weekend it’s payback time.

Because this Saturday is Chicago’s annual St. Patrick’s Day parade and I’ll be sure to return the favor by shining all over social media.

 NO, I won’t be the jackass taking self-pics of myself everywhere I go.

I won’t have to, people will take care of that for me. Does that sound arrogant? Yes.  True? Very!

You don’t like it? Learn to love it, because it’s the best thing going today!

I can’t speak for another city’s celebration of the Feast of St. Patrick, but here, in the “city of wind,” WE GET IT IN!

The Chicago St. Patty’s Parade is a city-wide college house party and anyone regardless of race, religion, or sex is invited. 

EVERYONE is a little “Chi-rish” come Saturday.

I salute and love those crafty Irish men and women.  I mean who doesn’t? 

The festivities surrounding the celebration are tailor-made for two other types of people: singles and those who enjoy making questionable decisions.

Both types can go hand in hand.

I’m not saying you can’t be a couple and enjoy St. Patty’s together, but most of the time, it's like cheating on each other; you can try it, may even work for a little bit, but it's likely it won't end well.

At functions like this, obviously everyone wants get bombed, and I’ve noticed some couples don’t do too well when both get drunk... 

The likelihood that one will say or do something they really shouldn’t goes up like a fat kid’s cholesterol level and you're going to be at each other's throats.

So what happens?  One of you ends up having to to be the responsible one ATTEMPTING to stay sober and you end up getting annoyed with your girl/guy. 

Argument breaks out anyway and you become that couple that has up to call it in early and leave.

So you’ll end up just hearing about all the real good shit that happened the next day, and that’s no fun.

I say that because several things are certain this Saturday.  I call them the FOUR WILLS.

Someone you know WILL get into a fight.

Someone you know WILL get faded and blackout.

Someone you know WILL lose his or her keys/wallet/phone/camera.

And MULTIPLE people you know WILL hook up guilt-free.

As for my plans, I have a little something-something going but I’ll discuss that more next Monday with a complete wrap-up of my activities.

Frankly, with the exception of two to five in the afternoon, I have no clue where I’ll be.

Could be doing my best Robert Horry impersonation in a game of green beer pong at my place by eight in the morning...

You may find me rapping Snap’s “I’ve got the Power” on the Michigan Avenue Bridge as I overlook the green dyeing of the Chicago River...

Smashing vodka filled Shamrock shakes outside of a Lakeview area McDonald’s around noon...

Maybe around midnight, I’ll inform a group of young ladies on the results and benefits of Kanye’s Workout Plan in some Lincoln Park drinking establishment…

In University Village mowing down a fish sandwich or Polish from Jim's on Maxwell Street at three in the morning?  Possibly.

Now SOME people out there are going to judge and hate.

 “Sounds like just a immature and juvenile way to relive your college days.”

And to you people, I kindly say fuck off.

I can’t think of too many people I know here between 23 and 30 who won’t be out living life.

And guess what? We’ll stumble home that night or morning, spend half of Sunday (real St. Patrick’s day for the record) recovering, and come Monday, everyone will be ready to be a productive member of society again.

Only we’ll have a shit-eating grin on our faces because most of the people at work really have no idea that one quiet girl from the HR department or the friendly dude from accounting are actually ANIMALS on the weekend. 

That’s the best part!!! Who we are at work is just really a disguise because there’s what we do and then there’s who we are.

And those who don’t get participate in the fun secretly wish they were.

-WST