FULL CIRCLE FRIDAY-FUCK KD!

All the stories you know, and ones you don’t, but should. Welcome to FULL CIRCLE FRIDAY.

MONDAY
-Cristiano Ronaldo had a statue dedicated in his honor in his hometown of Funchal, Madeira, Portugal.

Um...that statue looks a little TOO excited there.  

On the bright side, when little Ronny eventually asks pops where he came from, he can point to that bulging bronze dick and proudly say right there son!

-You ever wanted to run a race but you're too fat and training several months out of the year isn't really your thing?

Well the Philly 0.0 instant gratification run is just for you.  On, February 6th, "runners" from around the globe will pony up $35 bones to step from a start line over a finish line.  

Winners are chosen by lottery and each participant gets the basic marathon swag upon completion.

You can even pay $28 dollars to be a "Virtual Participant" in case you still don't feel like leaving your couch.

Excuse me while I book my flight to the City of Brotherly Love.

TUESDAY
-Quart'e Smith, a four-star linebacker prospect from Georgia posted a picture of himself having a relaxing soak in a tub filled to the brim with recruiting letters...

I don't know which school will gain Smith's services next year but you see that candle in the corner?

His decision is going be real sensual, baby.

-Speaking of linebackers, Alabama investigators would like to have a word with Dallas Cowboys LB Rolando McClain and the car seen speeding away from his $1.5 million dollar home minutes before it burst into flames and burned to the ground...

The house had been listed for sale.  Is it Arson (probably) but who cares?

Because the jokes kind of write themselves....

Like who pays $1.5 million to live in Alabama?

Or...

Torched just like Dallas' defense come postseason time.

WEDNESDAY

-YO! ERNIE ELS!  WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!

South African Original eh?  Better cut that shit out before Arnold Palmer finds out and fades your ass bruh.  You come at the King, you better not miss!

-Retired Lakers Star Vlade Divac sank a half-court shot to win $90,000 dollars for charity...

And if you're wondering, yes, that in fact is the Lakers best play of the season.

THURSDAY

-FUCK ALL THIS SHIT RIGHT NOW......

Happy Holidays readers! From me and my family to you and yours!

OH AND NEXT YEAR, STOP POSTING "MERRY CHRISTMAS YA FILTHY ANIMALS!" 

HOME ALONE CAME OUT IN 1990!  THAT LINE WAS FUNNY FOR MAYBE AN HOUR WHEN I WAS FIVE.  GET OVER IT!  YOU'RE RUINING ONE OF MY FAVORITE CHRISTMAS MOVIES YOU FUCKING RUINERS!  SAY THAT SHIT NEXT YEAR AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS!

FRIDAY

-UMMM.....

Well then, let's hope 2015 beats 2014.  

-Good luck Houston!

So the Texans just need Case Keenum, Connor Shaw and Chase Daniel to win football games this weekend to make the playoffs. Sounds do-able.
— AJ Hoffman (@AJIsTheReal) December 26, 2014

I'm just kidding, there's no such thing as luck with THAT situation, they're dicked like your girl at NBA All-Star weekend. 

WEEKEND WATCH!

What you should be doing this weekend if you know, you’re not drunk or doing something better…

RETURN GIFTS!
You told Aunt Gwen and Uncle Roscoe to just give you cash dammit!

WATCH AWKWARDLY-NAMED BOWL GAMES!
My personal favorite?  Franklin American Mortgage Music City Bowl.

SEE THE GAMBLER!
The Marky-Mark one.  Although Kenny Rogers is a G.

FRIDAY SHOUT-OUT!

Recognizing whomever the hell I want!

Shout-Out to beast mode!  You sir, have no regard for human life and demonstrated it once again last Sunday. 

Oh and note to the media:  Stop calling his runs "Beast Quakes"

That lame-ass shit sounds like a passed-over name for a Dairy Queen treat.  I don't know any beast quakes...

All I know is Hold Mah Dick and Hold Mah Dick II: The Sequel!  That's what I've known them as since the jump and that how they should be known moving forward.

I'm going to go eat a cheeseburger on the beach.  This forecast: Dark and Cloudy...with chance of drive-by.

-WST

FULL CIRCLE FRIDAY-SOMEONE TO LOVE

All the stories you know, and ones you don’t, but should. Welcome to FULL CIRCLE FRIDAY.

MONDAY
-Ya boy Kobe passes Michael Jordan for #3 on the NBA all-time scoring list...

If there was any opposing crowd that would give Kobe a standing ovation, you KNEW it would be Minnesota.  They're nice as hell up there in the Twin Cities...kind of annoying to be honest. Shit, they're just happy to have a Basketball team.  Makes them feel more metropolitan.

Afterwards, the Lakers threw Kobe a depressing "congrats" party on the team's plane...

JESUS MAMBA...you hate everyone and they hate you.  I know your whole schtick is be as close to Jordan as humanely possible but even he had some fucking friends bruh.  

I'm serious...Mike had Scottie to carry his luggage, Charles Oakley to beat people up and Steve Kerr to punch in the face for no reason.  Closest thing to a friend you've had in your career?  

Mark Madsen...

In fact, you should give him a call, you seem like you could use a hug these days.

-The Flyers Claude Giroux decided to get on some second grade shit and wiped his boogers on an unsuspecting ref...

That'll be 20 minutes against the wall at recess Claude.

TUESDAY
-Florida Panthers and Washington Capitals went back and forth for the longest shootout in NHL history...

Damn...more shots on goal than fans left in the arena.

-Jets owner Woody Johnson "accidentally" favorited a tweet calling for General Manager John Idzik's firing...

Woody's response?

Have to be more careful when scrolling through my Twitter feed. The tweet I most recently favorited was inadvertent.
— Woody Johnson (@woodyjohnson4) December 17, 2014

Idzik actually IS getting fired this offseason.  Woody just didn't mean to favorite it yet.

WEDNESDAY

-The Andre Iguodala travel bounce is here to take the streets by storm!

You hear that Bobby Shmurda?!  The Shmoney dance's reign of terror is over!  In fact...

YOU might be over too!  It was all good just a week ago!

-Bears Safety (fuck this team) Chris Conte told reporters he'd rather die 10 to 15 years earlier than not play in the NFL and have a long life. Well...

Conte had died at least 15 times in the last two SEASONS alone so I think he knows what he's talking about.  At least the money's good, right Chris?

THURSDAY

-The hell?

If I were a Pistons fan, I don't want Brandon Jennings anywhere near my team.  I wouldn't wish that dude on anybody.

But fuck all that shit right now...

I went 0-13 in my fantasy football league this year.  0 and fucking 13...you know how hard that is to do?  Embarrassing to be honest, worst part is that I actually tried every game because throwing in the towel and not trying in fantasy is a coward's way out.

Ray Rice said it not so best: sometimes in life, you get knocked down...  

Well shit, I don't know WHO I pissed off to earn this humbling.  Everything that could go wrong, did go wrong.  

I look back at my draft and calling it a "dumpster fire" would be way too nice.  Let's review:

FIRST ROUND-ADRIAN PETERSON (3rd overall):  Purple Jesus!  Best running back in football, can't go wrong right?!  The dude tore up his knee up a few years ago and came back part cyborg for pete's sake!

Then he decided to stuff leaves in his kid's mouth and mollywhop him with a tree branch...so much for that!  

Seriously, here's me in my car that Friday evening in September when the announcement came through that he was getting suspended...

Would it get worse?  You know it does!

SECOND ROUND-ZAC STACY (18th overall): With feature RBs already running low, I opted to take Stacy, who came out of nowhere in 2013 to rip off 1,114 total yards with eight touchdowns. 

Unfortunately, this dude went back to nowhere in 2014...up until week 13, he hadn't gotten a carry since October and has been moved to the bottom of the depth chart.  I dropped Stacy five weeks into the season.

THIRD ROUND--BRANDON MARSHALL (23rd overall):  I think I've made it abundantly clear how I feel about Brandon Marshall these days.  He is the NFL's greatest con man and that's all I got to say about that.

FOURTH ROUND-JORDAN CAMERON (38th overall):  I thought Jordan Cameron was going to be that next breakout Tight End man...   

He had the numbers (917 yards, 7 TDs) in 2013 plus he's got the look!

Seems like a chill dude...LA guy...probably has a black cousin somewhere in his family and listens to a lot ScHoolboy Q.  

Plus EVERYBODY knows white TEs are reliable as shit.  They'll always get that catch on 3rd and 9 while risking a potential concussion.  

I say concussions because that's exactly what's happened.  He's missed five games this season between that and an ankle injury.

Doesn't help having Brian "is he good or nah?" Hoyer and Johnny Football under center either.

FIFTH ROUND-KEENAN ALLEN (38th overall):  Allen racked up 1,047 yards and seven TDs as a ROOKIE in 2013 and looked like he was going to be Phillip Rivers' go-to guy going into this season...

Then Rivers decided he was going to be an elite Quarterback again...do you know know what elite QBs do?  They try to break the ball off to everyone. 

Between Eddie Royal vulturing catches and Allen becoming the focal point of opposing defenses, he's put up a mediocre 783 yards and four TDs this season.

I hope someone slashes Rivers' car tires and punches him in the face.

SIXTH ROUND-RAY RICE (58th overall):  I present to you, my thought process in late August:

Is he a piece of shit?  Of course...but I'm trying to win MONEY here man.  I have no time for a conscience at the moment. 

Did he have a pedestrian 2013 as far as numbers?  Sure, but if the NFL has taught us anything, fans will forget all about that negative publicity with a productive season.  I think 1,200 yards rushing and 10 TDs should do it.

September 8th:

Haha, the ace up my sleeve, all I gotta do is hold it down two games until he comes back from that weak suspension the ginger-hammer handed out and...

Oh shit, I'm dicked.

GREAT SEASON GUYS! OH I HAD TY HILTON AND FOOTBALL JETER TOO!  THEY WERE COOL, THE REST OF YOU?  DO ME JUST ONE LITTLE FAVOR AND GET FUCKED?  GREAT, THANKS!

FRIDAY

- Last night was the final tilt in the NFL's 'Thursday Night Football' slate of games and league certainly saved it's best for last...

I'm sure we'll all be thirsty for a Jacksonville-Tennessee match up come March, but for now, good riddance TNF.

WEEKEND WATCH!

What you should be doing this weekend if you know, you’re not drunk or doing something better…

SEE THE HOBBIT: BATTLE OF THE FIVE ARMIES
Caught it back on Wednesday.  Not great but not awful, shoot it a peep.

WATCH LOW-LEVEL COLLEGE FOOTBALL!
Wisconsin-Whitewater! Mount Union!  Sam Houston State!  North Dakota State!  Colorado State-Pueblo!  Minnesota State!  Normally, no one would give a shit about these schools, and frankly, no one still does!  

But if you're one of those self-righteous "I prefer athletes who play for the love of the game" types.  This is like a hand job for you.

WATCH THE NFL ON SATURDAY!
NFL Football on Saturdays is the best thing ever.

It's all the fun of a Saturday but wait, if you want to watch the Eagles kick the shit out of Washington or Jim Harbaugh's farewell tour, you can! It's only on NFL Network though, so that blows.

FRIDAY SHOUT-OUT!

Recognizing whomever the hell I want!

Shout-out to North Korea!  That's right, I said it!

They saved America from the "Interview" and I couldn't be happier!  You didn't really want to see that piece of shit did you?

Oh you did?  Well go drink bleach and punch yourself in the nuts.  I promise it's the same feeling you'd have if you had watched it.

I'm out to go do some black guy shit. I don't see no Ray-Ray.

-WST

FULL CIRCLE FRIDAY-NO SMALL TALK!

All the stories you know, and ones you don’t, but should. Welcome to FULL CIRCLE FRIDAY.

MONDAY
-And now for your viewing pleasure, Sir Elton John falling out of a chair at some fucking tennis thing.

B-B-B-Bennie and my bac-WOAH!

-Speaking of celebs from across the pond...

Prince William:  "Hey, if we combine our heads, we could could possibly come up with a FULL set of hair mate!"

TUESDAY
-Cam Newton escaped a scary ass car crash with two fractures in his back.

You know what's scarier?  Seeing this guy take over the snaps....

DEREK ANDERSON?!  YESSHHHHH!!!! Might as well start the play 60 kid.

-Buffalo Sabres Center Zemgus Girgensons is on track to the tart the NHL All-Star game with 82% of his 803, 805 votes coming from his home country of Latvia.

And no, Americans, Latvia is a real country and not some kind of potato pancake.  Those would be Latkes.

WEDNESDAY

-Breaking News: Russell Wilson enjoys porn just like the rest of us!

WARNING: NSFW!!!!!!!!

Won't someone think of the children?!  How are you going to explain this to your kids when they ask why football Jeter would favorite a pic of a lady eating a little black baby's arm?!

-Cory Jefferson...why?

  

Pass the ball eh?  Hell outta here.  There is no reason this shot should exist.  Yet there it is.

THURSDAY

-England's Amir Khan (Brit heavy this week I know) will be rocking the world's expensive most shorts when he dons this pair with a 24-karat waistband for his welterweight bout this weekend against American Devon Alexander.

The shorts carry a value of $47,000.  That means he better not get knocked out or he may wake up with that bitch missing.

But fuck all that shit right now...

College Football playoffs are all set and for the most part, everyone is satisfied.  

You got the Atlantic, Midwest, South and Pacific all represented and yours truly is especially happy as it's supposed to finally mark the end to the annual whine-campaign that occurs when a perfect (or near-perfect) team gets spurned for a chance at the National Championship.

Unless of course, you live in Texas.

Looking at you Baylor...

And laughing maniacally at you TCU...

Fans, players and coaches for both teams have been bitching all week.  Not to mention complaints from Michigan State and Mississippi State.

Now the booyah network, instigators that they are, have already rolled out this crock of shit before the bowl season even starts.

So let me end this debate once and for all...

Michigan and Mississippi State...both these teams have two losses. If you're a fan of either and crying that they don't get a place at the big boy table, sit the fuck down and shut the hell up while grown folks are talking.  End of conversation.

Now where was I?  Oh yes...

Baylor & TCU...did you each lose a in-conference game?  Yes.

Ohio State didn't.  And I HATE Ohio State.  Everyone does.

Baylor & TCU...did either of you beat the #1 team in the nation?  No.

Alabama did.  Nick Saban obviously has made a pact with Satan but they did.

Baylor & TCU...did you go undefeated?  No.

Florida State did...two straight seasons in fact! Even with a walking mugshot at QB.

Baylor & TCU...did either of you win your conference championship game?

OHHHHH YOUR CONFERENCE DOESN'T HAVE A CONFERENCE CHAMPIONSHIP GAME?????  I'M SOWWYWYYY!!!!

Guess who does though?  Oregon, and they DOMINATED theirs.  They were probably all high as hell by halftime.

So Baylor and TCU fans, enjoy your jabroni-ass New Years Eve/Day games, eat a Whataburger and better luck next year, you fucking yokels.

-Someone isn't too pleased with his new uniform...

Again, we gotta think about the youth out here man.  Don't do this to them.

FRIDAY

-The 4-20 Knicks took to Instagram as part of a campaign to drum up votes for anyone named Carmelo Anthony as they'll be hosting the 2015 All-Star game in February.  

The fan response was exactly what you'd expect for a 4-20 team that apparently hates each other.

Isn't "rebuilding" fun Phil Jackson?!

WEEKEND WATCH!

What you should be doing this weekend if you know, you’re not drunk or doing something better…

SEE EXODUS: GODS AND KINGS!
Hey it's Batman...and that guy from Great Gatsby playing Moses and Ramses!  So you know it'll be awful.

SEE TOP FIVE!
I happen to be a sort of Chris Rock disciple.  That means I'll see almost anything the dude cranks out, plus the the movie is loaded with my favorite comedians.  Throw in the fact Rosario Dawson does it for me and I'm sold.

WATCH THE U PART 2!
The Miami Hurricanes are back! Director Billy Corgan documents the team's rise and fall in the late 90's and early 2000's including the 2001 National Championship team loaded with future pro players.

FRIDAY SHOUT-OUT!

Recognizing whomever the hell I want!

Shout-out to Pro Football's new favorite little asshole Johnny Manziel (sorry Jay Cutler).

#15 on Drake's best friend list celebrated his 23rd Birthday last weekend with a $600 "Moneybags" cake.  

As for his birthday beats or punches?  

He'll be getting plenty of those this Sunday with his first NFL career start against the Bengals.  A team with a number of large men who wouldn't mind sitting on Johnny Football's head.  Enjoy!

I'm out. You got any plastic wrap man?

-WST

FULL CIRLCE FRIDAY-OH MY DARLING DON'T CRY!

All the stories you know, and ones you don’t, but should. Welcome to FULL CIRCLE FRIDAY.

MONDAY
-State title games for High Schools all over the country last weekend and what do you do when a you're 17, full of testosterone and a camera gets put in your face?

Wrestling Promos!  Allow Detroit-area powerhouse Warren De La Salle to demonstrate.

I don't know how to tell the last guy this, but no bro, you didn't get your swagger back.  Not sure if you ever had it to be honest.  Perfectly good promo and you fucked it all up.

De La Salle won by the way 44-8.  Anyone care about that?  I didn't think so.

-I know how you feel Travis Kelce...

I thought Horrible Bosses 2 was pretty whack myself.

TUESDAY
-Check out the Looney Tunes type shit these two guys guy pull courtesy of Philly-based Wrestling Promotion CHIKARA.

These guys do kids birthday parties too?  Vegas Lounge acts?  There's an opportunity for more money here!

-Cardinals Defensive Tackle Darnell Dockett decided to live-tweet his Jury Duty...

The guy facing 15-20 yrs.... And what's crazy i see both sides. His and the law. If I tell yall what he "supposely" did yall be like DAMN.
— DARNELL DOCKETT (@ddockett) December 2, 2014

I wonder if they know I'm tweeting? Oh well, they shouldn't have selected me. They brung in this big ass police officer like gone scare me😂
— DARNELL DOCKETT (@ddockett) December 2, 2014

They have no idea Im am double parked in a handicap spot out side this court house in a 450k car with a registered pistol. Who am I to judge
— DARNELL DOCKETT (@ddockett) December 2, 2014

Technically Dockett he could get into SERIOUS trouble for doing this but he's well known and therefore better than you. 

WEDNESDAY

-Steph Curry's lovely wife Ayesha likes to cook. Likes Drake. Likes to Shmoney dance and she loves her man.  So why not combine all four?

Steph Curry is WINNING!  On the court and off!  That's what a REAL Basketball Wife looks like.

-The world of Fantasy Football is cruel and merciless.  

Just ask me, I went 0-14 this year.

Ahem...as I was saying...Fantasy Football is the worst.  Just ask this guy who lost a bet and had to recreate Sia's "Chandelier" 

Disturbing, but pretty entertaining!

THURSDAY

-Nebraska Defensive End Jack Gangwish took a selfie with a Raccoon he saw chilling on the side of a road...

Immediately after the picture, the little guy bit him because would YOU like some  6 foot 2, 260 pound dude just picking you up like they know you for their Instagram account?

Gangwish, knowing the Raccoon would now have to die and be tested for Rabies, decided to make it's death quick and bludgeoned it with a wrench.

Clearly he's forgotten the teachings of recently-outsed Head coach Bo Pelini...a true friend to animals...

Who the hell picks up a Raccoon anyway?  They're little bandits!  Not to be trusted

But fuck all that shit right now...

There's this one guy at my Gym who everyone hates.  I mean EVERYONE.  From patrons to trainers to the ladies running the tan area.

He's not the yoked-out loud guy who grunts when he lifts.  

He's not the old-dude trying to run with the young bucks on the basketball court.

He rarely says much, when he does, he's pretty polite...in fact, my wallet fell out of my gym bag once and he chased me down to give them back.

I HATED him even more after that.  I would have preferred him to just let it lie until some master con-man finds it and performs identity-theft.

Why you ask?  

This d-bag comes in every Monday and starts his day off with 30 minutes on the elliptical right near the locker room so you HAVE pass him...

Rocking a Packers hoodie and hat.

With, I shit you not, THIS EXACT SMUG FUCKING LOOK ON HIS FACE.

Passersby and this guy are both thinking he same thing:

Bears Fans: Look at THIS jerk right here...

Packers hoodie guy:  Lick my balls!  You can't say shit!

I know being a fan of a team while residing in a rival city can't be easy.  

Normal people should know better to give someone a rough time because do they something as harmless as support a different Pro Sports team.

Well I'm not normal and human beings are anything but rational, I want to drop a dumbbell on this guys foot the next time he lifts.  Make it look like an accident.

Get fucked Monday Packers hoodie guy!

FRIDAY

-Nope.

Yeah it's probably a good idea to cancel that one.  

And it's in Arizona too?  Nope, nope and nope.  Get shot and deported all at once.

WEEKEND WATCH!

What you should be doing this weekend if you know, you’re not drunk or doing something better…

WORKOUT & REST!
Look, you just put on 3-5 pounds thanks to Thanksgiving, blew a half a stack on Black Friday/Cyber Monday and you'll be up to your neck in Christmas cookies and fudge by this time next week.  

Lace up the cross-trainers and keep your ass on the couch when you come back.

WATCH CONFERENCE CHAMPIONSHIP GAMES!
Alabama vs. Missouri COULD be good, but it probably won't because Bama is loaded.  

Wisconsin vs. Ohio St. COULD be good too.  But it won't because it's the Big Ten.  

Oregon vs. Arizona tonight wins by default!  Arizona beat them once already this season but the game COULD still suck too since the Ducks are probably pissed.

FRIDAY SHOUT-OUT!

Recognizing whomever the hell I want!

Shout-out to former world number one Luke Donald being smart enough to just say "you got it bruh" and getting out of that Baboon's way!  That thing will rip your face off! 

Thanks for the read, let's do lunch sometime.  On you of course.  Pardon my French...

-WST