MONDAY
-As a sports fan, there's nothing worse than taking a smoke/bathroom/food/sex break only to miss a big play from your favorite team...
So I can understand why you're a little perturbed Manchester City Grandma.
I won't blame ya if you take a piss in the cocoa before you serve it to you grandkids. Ungrateful bastards.
-Paul Pierce before Game 4: "COACH, COACH, COACH...CAN I PLEASE D-UP LEBRON?! I'LL SHUT HIS ASS DOWN! PLEASE BELIEVE ME! PAHHLEESE BAHHLEEVE ME!!!!"
Well...
Paul Pierce after Game 4: "Yo...coach...um, you may wanna put someone else on this motherfucker."
TUESDAY
-Miguel Cabrera hits a go-ahead three-run homer in the top of the ninth against the Orioles. Austin Jackson here is either in total awe of Miggy's greatness...
Or he's just waiting for that fart he laid down to hit Cabrera.
-The high drama of Russell Westbrooks three game-winning free-throws in Game 5 was way too much for the eyes of Kevin Durant...
Bad move my friend....you know the internet's thermometer remains on no chill so I present you with some of the best from the "Kevin Durant Can't Watch" movement!
I watched and I was 12 back then! You're missing history bro!
I don't blame you on this one Durantula!
I mean at least he can still hear the band playing right?
That's one small step for man and one giant no-look for the Slim Reaper!
WEDNESDAY
-Carolina Panthers all-pro defensive end Greg "the Kraken" Hardy stands accused of strangling his girlfriend following an argument at his home and tossing her on a couch covered in assault weapons before threatening to kill her if she went to the media.
Moral of the story? Never look for change in Greg Hardy's couch, all you'll find is .38 or .45...oh and never date a guy who calls Hogwarts his alma mater...
He's probably a fucking lunatic.
-World Cup is next month in Rio and clearly they take shootouts a tad bit too literal down there...
Yeah...and all that was for an amateur game but have fun if you're going! I'm sure you'll have a GREAT time!
THURSDAY
-Montreal Canadiens upset the Boston Bruins in six games to move on to face New York in the NHL's Eastern Conference Finals Wednesday night.
However, the focus Thursday was on Bruins agitator Milan Lucic and what exactly was said to Canadiens winger Dale Weise and blueliner Alexei Emelin during the traditional post-series handshake line...
-Montreal Canadiens upset the Boston Bruins in six games to move on to face New York in the NHL's Eastern Conference Finals Wednesday night.
However, the focus Thursday was on Bruins agitator Milan Lucic and what exactly was said to Canadiens winger Dale Weise and blueliner Alexei Emelin during the traditional post-series handshake line...
Nonsense! I'm sure he was just telling both to hit him up this summer so they can all do the town and bury the hatchet over a couple brews and Poutine.
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Okay maybe not.
But fuck ALLLLLL that shit right now because...
Beyonce...you jagged babe. Just standing there and shit!
I KNOW you weren't drunk in love and don't get it twisted, the man is not irreplaceable...should have checked your punk-ass little sister Bey.
I'm not saying put her in a sleeper hold but you damn sure should of shook the shit outta Solange just to remind her she can't put her hands on your man.
What if the script were flipped and Dame Dash or Memphis Bleek or Beanie Siegel had come out of nowhere and jumped on you without consequences & repercussions from Hov?
Can you imagine that?! The world would call him a bitch for not being a man and defending you!
And I don't give a damn if this nonsense about Rihanna's after-party really is the cause of this whole fiasco, that's strike one for you in my book.
Good talk, hope we don't have to have it again cause you know, you're at the top of your game right now...and really hot.
-John Calipari Cake? John Calipari Cake.
Only problem? When it comes to eating the thing, you're one and done! OHHHHHH!
FRIDAY
-Hey look! Jack Nicholson at the Clippers game! Isn't he a hardcore Lakers fan though?
Either way, he just dissed the shit out of that one kid and it has me all like...
WEEKEND WATCH!
What you should be doing this weekend if you know, you’re not drunk or doing something better…
WATCH THE NBA/NHL CONFERENCE FINALS!
Awesome because with the exception of Canadiens-Bruins, the semifinals in both really blew ass!
SEE GODZILLA!
He's back and he's been fucking up your vacation plans since 1954!
GO FISHING!
Better hurry! The Nets have already beat your to the punch.
Awesome because with the exception of Canadiens-Bruins, the semifinals in both really blew ass!
SEE GODZILLA!
He's back and he's been fucking up your vacation plans since 1954!
GO FISHING!
FRIDAY SHOUT-OUT!
Recognizing whomever the hell I want!
Shout-Out to hero Cat Tara!
As many know, Tara solidified herself as the greatest cat in the history of cats when she rescued her owner's son from a dog attack in Bakersfield, California!
Not that that's so hard since cats are pimps...but assholes.
Her 15 minutes of shine continue as she'll throw out the first pitch for the minor-league Bakersfield Blaze on May 20th.
Don't ask me how a damn cat is going to throw the first pitch.
Wait, I'm not done yet though!
A rare double shout-out for Oakland A's outfield Josh Reddick!
Reddick was already Baseball's World Heayweight Champ of walk-up music as he's known to use WWE wrestling themes but he's now certified gawd-status with his newest selection...
You can never go wrong with that smooth n' sexy sax!!!!!!!
I'm peacin out! Straight smashing some BBQ tonight! Thanks for the support! You eat pieces of shit for breakfast?
-WST
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