FULL CIRCLE FRIDAY-SOCK IT TO ME!

All the stories you know and ones you don’t, but should. Welcome to FULL CIRCLE

MONDAY

            -So you play for Borussia Dortmund and have just lost the Champions League Final 2-1 to your German rival FC Bayern Munich…

You’re headed to the airport for a depressing trip back home…what’s the last thing you’d probably want to see or hear?

Look at those faces.  Not the worst idea Puma, just not the best timing.

            -Adrian Beltre is known for kind of freaking out when someone touches his head…

I’m actually the same way when someone touches my neck.  Shits irritating, but understandably hilarious.

TUESDAY

            -Joey Votto strikes out…Joey Votto gets MAD!

That’s the same reaction everyone had when they woke up Tuesday and realized they had to go back to work.

            -Even the pros are pissed.  I mean Roy Hibbert looks like he wants to bite the mic off!

He forgot to add “mixtape already in the streets, album dropping soon!” at the end.

WEDNESDAY

            -So I’m not sure if a lot of Football fans realize that no matter the level, lineman are usually the funniest guys on the team.  The latest example is Panthers Offensive Tackle Jordan Gross…

            -I was so busy being a jackass following Brent Seabrook’s OT goal to win the Blackhawks game 7 against the Red Wings, that I failed to notice one thing…

HE SCORED ON A KNUCKLEPUCK!!!  RUSS TYLER WOULD BE SO PROUD RIGHT NOW!

THURSDAY

      -So Lebron decided to quit dicking around and just took over the third quarter of Game 5 last night with 16 points.

I thought it was the Cleveland (where’s Larry Hughes?) days all over again.  Dude woke up with back problems this morning after carrying the team.

            -The grammar All-Star Game (Scripps Spelling Bee) was last night and call me sick, but I crack up every time these children cry like their lives are over when they misspell a word.  It’s cool, you’re still really smart guys!

Look at this kid CRUSH “Knaidel” though!

Enjoy Med School dude.

FRIDAY

            -If there are Bears or Monkeys involved, you know it’s either Russia or China... 

Today Full Circle brings you this Russian Bear getting hit by a car.

Holy shit, it looked like he was breakdancing!  But do you see how that bastard just dusts himself off and goes about his business?  That’s pretty inspirational.  THAT BEAR HAS HEART!!!

WEEKEND WATCH!

What you should be doing this weekend if you know, you’re not drunk or doing something better…

SEE AFTER EARTH!

            -Big Willie Style needs to stop making Sci-Fi movies.  Especially ones where he’s really just there to put asses in seats and his son is the real star.  Can he do me a favor and make another Bad Boys flick before he hits 50?   Martin Lawrence is probably lonely.

SEE NOW YOU SEE ME!

            -Want to see a movie about magicians who double as thieves pulling high profile heists? No?  Neither did I.

STREET FEST!

            -First street festival of the year is tomorrow near my neighborhood.  Looking to get a little music in, maybe eat a grilled cheese sandwich, and then watch Game 1 of the NHL’s Western Conference Finals with a brew or 50 since everyone who stopped by my place Monday left theirs

FRIDAY SHOUT-OUT!

Recognizing whomever the hell I want!

Happy Birthday to my homegirl Tegan!  She’ll be celebrating her 26^th birthday this weekend and we know each other from the days of red solo cups and cases of Keystone. 

She’s pretty funny, knows her sports and talks shit like a grown man.  So obviously we get along pretty well.

I’ll see you Monday! Same WST time, same WST place.

-WST

THE FRIENDZONE HALL OF FAME! (INAUGURAL CLASS)

            Welcome to the Friendzone Hall of Fame where we honor a special breed of men; the underdogs. 

These guys come from a variety of different backgrounds but all share the same trait in that they’re ready to ride or die in the pursuit of love from that one special lady but will probably never be more than a hug and shoulder to cry on over the one she’s really into.

Maybe it’s not their time, maybe they’re out of their league, maybe they have no game, or maybe they’re just insane, they can't win. 

Don’t fret gentleman because today, you are more than just a friend…you’re a legend.

Join me in welcoming the inaugural class and please hold all applause until the end of the ceremony even though no one ever does.

BANE! (THE DARK KNIGHT RISES)

Bane looks like a boss but he’s really just a lovesick puppy doing the bidding of Talia al Ghul; a woman that he helped escape prison resulting in the oxygen mask he’s permanently stuck wearing.  Also the same girl that he loves so much, her father expelled him from the League of Shadows, which I imagine is like a Fantasy League for genocidal maniacs.

Just saying Banesy, YOU COULD HAVE ANY OTHER GIRL YOU WANT!  You're frighteningly intelligent (emphasis on the frightening part), a pretty big baller in Gotham City thanks to that nuclear bomb on wheels you’ve got running around town and you’re in fantastic shape! My man doesn’t have ANY cheat days in his diet!

CYPHER! (THE MATRIX)

            All Cypher wanted to do was take Trinity on a nice date in the Matrix.  You know…shoot an agent or two, dodge some bullets, maybe a glass of wine and a steak, that isn’t really a steak, but your mind tells you it is anyway.

Then that motherfucker Neo just had to show-up…then Morpheus had to be a cock-block and put the idea in her head that he’s “The One” and all that shit…

Do you really blame him for shouting Agent Smith a holler and making a deal to betray the group?

PHIL “DUCKIE” DALE (PRETTY IN PINK)

Duckie is the ORIGINAL Friendzoner and certainly knows how to make an entrance…

He doesn’t get THE girl in the end, but he does a get a pretty decent one.

Plus now he’s making bank on that show with Charlie Sheen, Ashton Kutcher, and the kid who kind of looked like Jay Cutler when he was younger.

RICKY LIPMAN! (NOT ANOTHER TEEN MOVIE)

He’s clearly just a spoof of Ducky, but Ricky does serve as a cautionary tale of what the friendzone could potentially turn a dude into…

JORAH MORMONT! (GAME OF THRONES)

You’d think putting your life on the line and stopping assassination attempts would score you a few points but…nope! I thought Knights were supposed to be pimps? 

That said it’s not easy for ANY man to gain the affection of a woman who owns three fucking Dragons…that’s literally a different breed of competition right there.

SAMUEL “SCREECH” POWERS! (SAVED BY THE BELL)

            Lisa Turtle’s fashion loving ass can get bent; never letting my guy Screech have the time of day.  I wanted to backhand that broad after the episode where she kisses Zack and Screech found out.  You could literally hear his heart ripping into two.  She wasn’t that bad anyway!!!!  Okay, maybe I’m lying on that one!

SETH! (SUPERBAD!)

            It’s a hilarious movie but do you realize the plot is really all about a guy trying to get some booze just so his dream girl will like him?! Then you don’t even really know if he got her or not at the end?!

MILHOUSE VAN HOUTEN! (THE SIMPSONS)

            “EVERYTHING IS COMING UP MILHOUSE!”

Only it’s not…Milhouse loves Lisa but is so damn sorry.  His induction today is pretty much the highlight of his life.

STEVEN URKEL! (FAMILY MATTERS)

            FINALLY! An inductee who can be respected!  I’ve said it before; Urkel put in eight seasons worth of effort and even made a sophisticated clone of himself in his attempts to snag Laura Winslow.  In the end, she ended up loving him for him during season nine.

Hard Work Pays off!

Congrats to you Steven and all other inductees.  Enjoy the replica trophies of your balls in a glass case that have already been mailed to your homes!

Everyone else, have a safe drive home!

-WST

WEDNESDAY RANT-101 FACTS ABOUT THE WST! (50-1)

50. When I play Flag Football, I play dirty.

49. I don't drink Coffee.

48. Hates John Starks (he knows why)

47. Big fan of the Steppenwolf and Chicago Shakespeare Theatre.

46. Mistaken for security at almost every bar or club.

45. Always felt that kid from “Captain Planet” with the heart ring got a raw deal.

44. Thinks you should be able to shoot that punk-ass dog in “Duck Hunt.”

43. Watched Grey’s Anatomy for two seasons and I want those hours of life back.

42. Favorite Wrestler: Ric Flair

41. Once took a road trip and only played T.I.’s “KING” album both ways.

40. Watched every second of that awful “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Slayer” flick, fell asleep during “Lincoln”.

39. I still have all of my old Starter Jackets.

38. Thinks Helen Miren can probably still get it.

37. Can croon Billy Joel’s “For the Longest Time” on request.

36. Awful Basketball Player.

35. Head-Butted (intentionally this time) my opponent during a High School wrestling tournament after he laughed at an injured teammate. Won my match too.

34. My snoring was once confused for choking in sleep.

33. Love that Canada Dry Ginger Ale.

32. Read Max Brooks’ “Zombie Survival Guide” cover to cover several times just in case…

31. Still hoping the Fugees get back together and record another album some day.

30. Favorite International City: Paris

29. Favorite U.S. City (outside of Chicago): D.C. (Portland is gaining though)

28. Beer Snob (Craft, Corona or Modelo)

27. Almost bitten by a big ass snake when I was 12 only to be saved by my Machete-wielding Grandmother.

26.  Visited all major Chicago Museums and both Zoos at least 10 times each.

25.  Favorite Book: “The Sun Also Rises” by Ernest Hemingway.

24. I have an Allograft. Translation: I have a tendon from a cadaver in my knee.

23. Favorite Concert: Up In Smoke (Dr. Dre, Eminem, Ice Cube, Nate Dogg, Warren G, Xzibit, West Side Connection, Kurupt, Snoop Dogg)

22.  I go cross-eyed when I lift weights.

21. Lifetime record of 0-5 against Captain Morgan’s Rum.  Nothing good ever happens…

20. Jokingly convinced a girl my buddy and I were cousins…for two years.  Got slapped when she found out.

19. Favorite Baseball Player: Frank Thomas

18. I’m making my wife sign a prenuptial just so she can’t get her hands on my Basketball and Baseball cards.  I’m just kidding…maybe.

17. Believes Flaming Hot Cheetos are a great way to clear the sinuses.

16. Once grabbed a beer can and chugged it thinking it was mine, was a spitter instead, and threw up.

15. Favorite Basketball Player: Charles Barkley

14. Most Embarrassing Moment: Drunk crawling across the casino floor and lobby of the Wynn Las Vegas & Encore Resort and then falling in the bushes outside.

13. Want to see me flustered? Give me a compliment.

12. I was a pretty shy kid until about 16.

11. Favorite Horror Movie: “Halloween.”  Jamie-Lee Curtis Halloween, not that Rob Zombie bullshit.

10. I’m a sucker for a woman with a sense of humor.

 9. Favorite Football Player: Ray Lewis

8. Favorite Song: “History” by Jay-Z.

7. Favorite Food: Italian and Indian.

6. My sister is the exact opposite of me and I love it.

5. I’m capable of adapting and interacting with any group of people.

4. If I can be half the person my folks are, I will be all right in the world

3. I’m a lover of nonsense.

2. My group of friends is cooler than yours, just saying.

1. I dream with my eyes wide open.

-WST

WEDNESDAY RANT-101 FACTS ABOUT THE WST! (101-51)

So I wasn’t even paying attention but yesterday I hit 100 posts.  It’s not really a feat that says stop everything, but I wanted to try something different today for the Wednesday Rant…

So for Post 101, I decided to do 101 facts that you may or may not know about my crazy ass.  Let’s get into it!

101. Played Pumba in a summer camp production of the Lion King.

100. Half Belizean (Mom’s side)

 99. Gave roses to a few girls (no ugly ones) on “Carnation Fridays” in High School.

98. Accidentally head-butted a chick once while dancing to “Lean wit it, rock with it”

97. Dressed up as the Hamburgular one Halloween and traded McDoubles for pints.

96. Crowd-surfed during a rock concert while doing stadium security in college.

95. Co-hosted a campus radio show by the name of the “Roc Boyz” with my best friend.

94. Flipped a four-wheeler 45 seconds after getting on it.

93. Met my best friend in the first grade when I sat on him.

92. Fallen face-first into a party.

91. Swiped a fire extinguisher and used it at a house party.

90. Given a stripper a lap dance.

89. Confident, not arrogant, but it sometimes looks like arrogance.

88. Once performed at a Baseball game in an inflatable Mascot Costume for a non-profit.

87. Purchased multiple Burritos and sold them to people who didn't want to wait in line for double the price at an Iowa City Pancheros.

86. Slept through college roommate having sex on multiple occasions.

85. Deathly afraid of spiders.

84. Missed a pop fly and hit me in the head during the League Championship…

83. Witnessed a fistfight in the House of Representatives.

82. Has an autographed Football and picture taken with Brett Farve. I was seven and at a charity event, clearly I didn't know better. I don't know why the folks let that fly.

81. First Concert: Family Values 1999.

80. Once smoked a 13 year-old couple on a first date with a water balloon. <DICK MOVE!

79. Owned a pair of Horace Grant/James Worthy style Rec-Specs.

78. Hid a Subway sandwich under a teammates’ mattress. He found it a month later.

77. Crip-Walked two days out of reconstructive knee surgery.  Not smart.

76. Jokingly convinced this girl I was Charles Barkley’s nephew…for a month.

75. Got a neck cramp that lasted three days.  Head was literally stuck on my left side.

74. Addicted to White Cheddar Cheez-Its

73. Enjoys the crispy tentacle part of fried Calamari.

72. Once part of the “Hammer Hit of the Day” club; a group of upperclassmen that would throw shoulders into freshman coming out of lunch. <DICK MOVE PART 2

71. Forever known south of the border as “El Guapo”

70.  Not fond of the Randy Jackson, Cee-Lo, Carl Winslow comparisons.

69.Tried to throw a piece of pizza out of a window, window was closed.

68. Did a skit in drag for a Law class video project in H.S.

67. Gone a whole calendar year without losing at Madden.

66. Can name every player on the Chicago Bulls roster from 1996-98.

65. Still has the first “Jock Jams” CD.

64. Attempted and scored a goal with the “knuckle puck” (Floor Hockey).

63. Can Crip Walk, Harlem Shake, A-Town stomp, Two-step, Walk It Out, Dougie and Running-Man.

62. I used to put kids in the Boston Crab, Sharpshooter and the Figure-Four leg lock on the playground. Look em up if you don't know what they are.

61. Kicked in the nuts once, threw up right away.

60. My buddies and I used to pull up to youth group blasting “Kanye’s Workout Plan."

59. Participated in the FUBU, Girbaud Overalls, Bucket hat, and Jersey fashion trends…

58. Convinced a woman I was the heir to the Fruit Roll-Up empire and my friend was Kirk Hinrich’s little brother.

57. Somewhere out there, there’s tape of me going downhill and flipping over the handlebars while mountain biking in Michigan.

56. Slept my entire freshman year of college on a futon because I didn’t feel like climbing into my loft.

55. Developed a taste for Deer and Elk in Iowa/Nebraska.

54. Was once given a B+ in African-American history and I was the only black guy in the class (that includes the teacher).

53. Puts Slushies into the big Fountain Drink cups.

52. Occasionally known to toss on a Zorro hat and mask and perform R. Kelly’s “Happy People.”

51. Dated Green Bay Packers fans on two separate occasions.

Second half on its way say…10ish?

-WST

WATCHING WITH THE ENEMY!

You see that shit last night right?  Of course you did,

That 4-3 Chicago Blackhawks win over the Detroit Red Wings last night was pretty nice.  To my limited Hockey knowledge, the first playoffs win at Joe Louis Arena in 20 years.

That’s already in the past though, there’s still a game seven looming tomorrow, and the only thing more important than the game itself is where you’re watching it and who you’re watching it with.

Rest assured, if the Hawks finish off this comeback, you’re going to want to celebrate, work on Thursday morning be damned.  And if they do somehow lose, you at least want to say you had a good time where you were.

So where am I watching the game tomorrow night? 

The same damn place I was Monday night: Beer Garden with great food and drink, outdoor patio with heat lamps to keep people toasty if it’s a little breezy out…couch seating if you’re smart enough to show up early? Heaven.

I don’t know why I hadn’t heard of this spot sooner because I love checking out new bars, maybe I missed the Metromix or RedEye feature on it, they’re good at that sort of thing.

My friends and I WERE supposed to be stopping at another establishment for the second and third period, but after realizing what kind of digs we were working with, we kind of decided it would be in our best interest to stand pat.

I enjoyed myself so much, I’ve already told people to join us Wednesday and I’ve gotten the same uneasy cock-eyed stare each time.   Not really sure why either…oh, did I mention it’s a Detroit Bar?

Yes that's right, Diag Bar & Grill over on Southport & Wolfram is technically a University of Michigan/Detroit bar and I could give a shit less about it and I DETEST the city as well as all it’s teams.

The only three things about Detroit I enjoy: Barry Sanders, 80’s cop movies, and the occasional Kid Rock track when I lift.

So what’s the most common response to my invite?

 “What if a fight breaks out?”

 That shit is so strange to me…

First of all, if someone talks shit to you about your favorite team, either be an adult and ignore it or if you have some wit, hit em with a little wise-ass remark right back.

Secondly, and I keep saying this, if you are a 20+ year-old man (or woman) really ready to punch someone in the face over the love of a professional sports franchise, you have some serious issues in your life and get zero respect.

I get it though; you want to be around your own kind for a big game, especially one of this magnitude.

The logical response is to mention that you probably wouldn’t catch me in a Green Bay Bar if the Packers and Bears were playing each other and at this time last year you would be right…

But that was before last September, when I sat at Bears dominated bar right before a nationally televised game between the two teams and witnessed two female Packers fans casually stroll in (foam cheese heads and all) and grab a seat right without much harassment other than a playful jab about wearing the wrong colors.

That was also before I caught a game at Will’s Northwoods Inn; marketed as Chicago’s only Green Bay bar for a playoff game between the Vikings and Pack and I can promise you, I didn’t really make my affiliation a secret nor will I when I go back this fall.

And that was before I decided that potentially celebrating an epic 3-1 series comeback against a hated rival in one of their bars is an oddly satisfying feeling in my Chicago-sick mind.

So come through and join us tomorrow night, you’re not going to catch shit; no one is going to try to start a fight with you, and who knows? You just may end up like me and want to catch EVERY game there.

We’ll leave a seat open for you.

-WST

FULL CIRCLE FRIDAY: PUMP UP THE JAM!

All the stories you know and ones you don’t, but should. Welcome to FULL CIRCLE

MONDAY

            -Let’s take a look at Metta World Peace’s weather forecast:

He also forgot to mention there’s a chance of batshit crazy for the whole week.

         -This guy just smashed the record for consecutive backflips on a pogo stick...

I wonder what his statue will look like someday?

TUESDAY

            Andre Ethier: “SOMEONE GET ME BRO!  I WILL STARE THE SHIT OUT OF THIS UMP ALL DAY IF SOMEONE DOESN’T GET ME!

            -Cavaliers’ owner Dan Gilbert’s son Nick represented the Cavs in the NBA lottery…AGAIN.

The Cavs won the #1 overall pick…AGAIN.

They’ll still be shitty next year…AGAIN.

WEDNESDAY

            -15 years from now, a kid by the name of Jacob Parton will be sitting in a South Carolina bar drunk as he looks blankly into space.  Here’s why…

Damn that’s rough.  you know what else is rough? Taking out your 7’2 rim protector in basketball when you KNOW the ball is clearly going to the best player on the planet...

            -Ravens WR Jacoby Jones took third in Dancing with the Stars…

How did he not win that shit?  He just gave Karina Smirnoff the Miguel leg drop but HELD IT!!!

THURSDAY

-I played Soccer (or Futbol) for about six years as a kid and only managed to score two goals in my life. 

Naturally I was pretty excited, just not this pumped…

Yellow Card though?

-Andrew Garfield shoots hoops in his Spider-Man costume?  Andrew Garfield shoots hoops in his Spider-Man costume.

 Amazing Spider-Man 2 better be dope since you got this free time.

FRIDAY

            -Chris Kreider had this nice OT goal for the Rangers last night to avoid a sweep from Boston in the Eastern Conference Semifinals…

New York will have you believe an epic comeback is on the horizon.  Everyone outside of Big Apple knows they’re still done son.

WEEKEND WATCH!

What you should be doing this weekend if you know, you’re not drunk or doing something better…

SEE FAST SIX!

            -Saw it last night and I took two things away from this movie:

1. I owe Gina Carano an apology for not taking the time to appreciate her badness sooner.  Skylar Diggins better watch out; she just picked up some competition in the race for my heart.
2. It’s only a matter of time before Ludacris and Tyrese come out with a buddy-cop movie.

SEE THE HANGOVER III!

            -This will either best the best or the fucking worst one of them all.

BBQ!

            -You grilling up?  Then hit me up!  I promise I’ll bring good meat and hot beats.

FRIDAY SHOUT-OUT!

Recognizing whomever the hell I want!

Congrats to my home girl Karina!  She’ll be graduating this weekend and her brother brought me in to DJ her graduation Saturday Evening.  Did I mention I haven't done this in five years?  So what I’m saying is... IT”S STILL ABOUT TO GO DOWN!!!!

Memorial Day is Monday and I want to say thank you to all the families of Men and Women who have perished while proudly serving in the United States Armed Forces. 

I’ll see you Monday!  *Screams sexual chocolate, drops mic, walks off stage.

-WST

WEDNESDAY RANT-SO WHY ARE WE FIGHTING AGAIN?

So I almost got into a fight Saturday.  Actually, you know what? I’m not even going to make this shit that dramatic, let me rephrase that…

If I had to call it something, I’d say I was involved in the “Show Of Strength” portion of a potential conflict.

The S.O.S is when two guys start a disagreement that COULD lead to a fight but first, friends from each side need to creep up from behind and size one another up for a few un-easy minutes. 

This situation was especially weak because I backing up a buddy who was backing up his co-worker.  Not too many worse things than possibly getting punched over a guy you barely know…

 Broken down, it’s a show of allegiance while letting the other guy at the central of the conflict know what the numbers game looks like.

Or…it just looks like a bunch of jackasses posturing at a bar because no one actually wants to throw blows.

You stare-down, shit gets resolved and then you go back in your group gassed up and acting as if you really wanted some shit to go down.

Like you would have transformed into Steven Seagal with a little side of Dalton from Road House mixed in if it had.

Not me man, fighting is for the fucking birds.

Don’t get me wrong, if someone puts their hands on me, or anyone I associate with, we got a problem, but the whole idea of men getting physical gets dumber as we get older.

Take Saturday’s situation…say we actually had fought; It would be more a pushing and shoving match than actual fistfight.  Maybe a couple punches get thrown before security runs in, D-BO’s everyone out of the place, and either bans us or calls the cops. 

Why?  Because some bro made a drunken smartass comment to another.

If something happens, it happens, however, this situation still wasn’t worth getting banned from a place that I frequent on a consistent basis and definitely not worth looking like a jagoff in front of the reason we’re all there…

Women.

I think some dudes have this fantasy that if they act like a tough guy, Women will swoon at the sight of it.  I can assure you the shit doesn’t work like that.

Unless of course, you’re defending HER honor, then you may be on to something.

When we were kids, the whole cause for fighting was actually noble…

You fight someone because they’re picking on you, or for a friend or family member who can’t really fight back. 

On the mean streets of the burbs, even if there was a scenario where someone was talking shit to you and the decision was made to fight, the rules remained the same: it’s one on one and if anyone tries to jump in, THEY get their ass kicked.

Then college came along and the cause for fighting got silly due to everyone being drunk.  Fights in college are the WORST.  They’re everything I just described from last weekend, only they happen every Wednesday-Sunday night.

With the exception of one situation, no altercation, actual or potential, that I've participated in between ages 19 and 25 made any damn sense.

You know, the ones where you know your buddy is the one in the wrong and his fault you're in another man's face.  But you go ahead and back him regardless.

So why are guys who have nothing to do with a situation so quick to jump in a fight? 

It’s simple, we have to because we’re men and that loyalty to each other runs deep doesn’t it?

 When guys go out, they’re a unit, a team, a clique, a pack and whatever the hell else you want to call it.  You mess with one of us, you mess with all of us, it’s a pride thing and nothing fucks with your mind like pride.

I’m just saying battles should be selected more carefully and sometimes a d-bag who isn’t going to remember shit in the morning just isn’t worth it.

It's so damn cliche but no one really does ever win a fight.

-WST