FULL CIRCLE FRIDAY-MULTIPLY!

All the stories you know, and ones you don’t, but should. Welcome to FULL CIRCLE THURSDAY.

MONDAY
- POP OPEN A MOLSON CANADIAN AND LISTEN TO THE CFL VERSION OF THE RICHARD SHERMAN RANT!!! WOOOOOO!!!!

Wait...who the fuck is Solomon Elimimian?  Playoff time?  Is it?  Does, the announcer even know?  What's the deal with this league?

-Not that it was needed, but now even science has confirmed what we've always known...

That any team that labels it's fans the "best/smartest in baseball" is definitely worthy of your hatred.  To hell with the Cardinals, roll with Orioles or Dodgers this October. 

TUESDAY
-The Chiefs scraped the Patriots late Monday night 41-14.  This Kansas City fan celebrated by faux face-fucking a Patriots fan who I can only assume he mistook for his cousin because Kansas City.

Gotta love the U-S-A chant at the end, the official go-to chant when you don't know what to do next.

-Denver Nuggets mascot Rocky the Mountain Lion is in a little trouble after making an unsanctioned appearance at a Colorado GOP Rally hosted by Mitt Romney (that meeting had to be awkward).

Big-ups to the dumb ass intern who runs their Twitter account for snitching on Rocks...Good to see him alive and kicking...

I totally thought he was totally dead after that one time...

By the way, I was under the impression cougars were the only animals that show up at GOP Rallies.  Must of thought it was an NBA owners meeting.

WEDNESDAY

-Big week for the city of fountains continues as the Royals and A's put on a Wild Card game for the ages ending with a 9-8 Kansas City win in 12 innings.

One question though?

What's my man in the million dollars seats doing sleeping?!  Look the far right...

He must of thought he was at every other Royals game the last 29 years.

-In the latest edition of Floyd Mayweather is a cocksucker, Money Man Floyd got into (scripted?) argument with a woman in London who claimed she didn't know who he was.

The part that sucks the most about all of this?  It's exactly what Floyd wants!

You'll pay to watch his next fight with hopes someone drops him on his ass, it won't happen, he'll collect a payday.  In real life, the bad guys win.

THURSDAY

-Matthew McConaughey showed up in Austin to go full "Matthew McConaughey on the Texas Longhorns.

Insert your own "Dazed and Confused" punchline right here. Something along the lines of... 

"His favorite thing about Austin?  He gets older, the college girls stay the same age."

But fuck all that shit right now...

I knew Thursday night football was going to be bad going in, but holy shit, has it been historically bad! 

let's go over how the slate of games has looked like so far this year...

Week 1: Seahawks-36

              Packers-16

Week 2: Ravens-26

              Steelers-6

Week 3: Falcons-56

             Buccaneers-14

Week 4: Giants-45

D.C. Racist Name Team-14

Week 5: Packers-42

              Vikings-10

That's a lot of bad bro. I mean could I just turn it off? 

 Sure.

Thing is, I have an NFL problem, if there's a game going on, I'm going to watch!  

And apparently so are other folks...last night's Vikings-Packers matchup drew a higher rating than both MLB playoff games combined.

However, this experiment has gone on for too long, the fans sure as hell aren't being entertained outside of the pure struggle by some of these teams...

Did I mention CBS PAID $275 million for the right to broadcast eight of these games?!

Those motherfuckers want a rebate right now.

Then there's players like Vikings QB Teddy Bridgewater, who sat out last night with an ankle injury.

But no, they played on Thursday night and Bridgewater was replaced by this fucking guy...

Did you see Christian Ponder last night?!  

That shit was something else, I haven't seen a pro QB play that bad that in a long time and it was all on National TV for everyone to see.

Right now Christian Ponder's mom is walking into a hair salon and there's someone asking about her kid being a human dumpster fire...

 Guess what?  She's gotta deny all existence of him.

She's out in her backyard right now...burning and burying pictures, family albums and shit.

I'm sure it's tough enough being an attractive female reporter in sports but Samantha Ponder-Steele probably walked into work at ESPN this morning and caught hell from everyone about her husband looking like the second coming of Henry Burris.

Fuck you Thursday Night Football, you did that.  You ripped the Ponder family apart.

-#2 Oregon dropped a heart breaker to Arizona 31-24...

But at least their hair looked fresh.

FRIDAY

-Streaker invades Rugby pitch, incites brawl, runs away.

Some men just want to watch the world burn.

WEEKEND WATCH!

What you should be doing this weekend if you know, you’re not drunk or doing something better…

SEE GONE GIRL!
Ben  Affleck's wife disappears.  Did he murder her?  Did she run away?  Was she kidnapped or was she just in a long line for a Pumpkin Spice Latte at Starbucks?

SEE ANNABELLE!
Some doll is haunted or possessed or some shit and white people won't just get out of the house.

FOOTBALL IN THE PARK!
Tape up the hands, put on the cleats and go lay someone the hell out!  

Just remember the ice packs, band-aids and Icy Hot for your old, washed up ass afterwards!

FRIDAY SHOUT-OUT!

Recognizing whomever the hell I want!

Shout-out to coach Rich Rodriguez and the Arizona Wildcats on their upset of Oregon.

Nothing I enjoy more than chaos in college football!

Thanks for reading, it's good to be back! I don't care!

-WST

FULL CIRCLE FRIDAY-FIGHT MUSIC!

All the stories you know, and ones you don’t, but should. Welcome to FULL CIRCLE THURSDAY.

MONDAY
- Pistol Pete, New Mexico State's Mascot, riding a horse, knocked the shit out of some chick.

In related news, Tony Stewart's new side job has started off rockier than expected.  Guy just can't catch a break.

-The Kansas City Chiefs gave Quarterback Alex Smith a $68 Million dollar contract with $45 Million in guaranteed money.

Because in the NFL, that's the going rate for a staring QB the equivalent to a basic bitch.

TUESDAY
-The New Zealand national team unleashed  the "shock and awe" game plan on the United States in the group stage of the FIBA Basketball World Cup by performing their nation's traditional haka dance.

I guess they got the shock down (for the record, Derrick Rose ALWAYS looks like that) but not much effect otherwise as they were brushed aside by Team USA, 98-71.

-Cleveland Browns rookie Linebacker Christian Kirksey is listed at 6-foot-2 inches. In the latest glitch in the system to Madden 15, he's been shrunk down to just 14 inches.

AND on the Tennessee Titans.    The shrimp has heart though!  Fuck Rudy, fun-sized Christian Kirksey has the determination we all need in life.

WEDNESDAY

-Ummmmmmmmm...no he wasn't.  However, still waiting for confirmation that he was arrested and detained for the entirety of last season's playoffs.

-Don't laugh...this Dodgers fan is living life better than you.

Look at him (or at least try).  He's got his beers, he's got his hot dog, he's soaking up the sun...I mean what more can you ask for?  Gotta enjoy the little things.

THURSDAY

-Joan Rivers passes away, some guy does the "Money Manziel" in the background...

Joan loved money!  Such a touching tribute.  She would have appreciated it.

But fuck all that shit right now...

Last night, I watched the reigning World Champion Seattle Seahawks...the baddest defense in the land...run onto the field to "Bittersweet Symphony" and "Won't get fooled Again." 

This is unacceptable. I got nothing against The Verve or The Who but that doesn't get you charged up.  You can't run onto the field to that!

I know the NFL, like the NBA, doesn't want to perpetuate the "thug stereotype" held by uptight old-people, media pundits, and closet-racists regarding their product, but the days of running out to Van Halen or Ozzy Osbourne are played out. 

NFL teams are units of tough-ass, swagged-out, grown men and it's time the No Fun League let these cats boogie when they run out of that tunnel.

I've done extensive research to compile five tracks that should now be considered when introducing teams.

5. LIL JON & THE EAST SIDE BOYZ-THROW IT UP

WHY?  NFL players come from all walks of life.   Lil Jon gives a S/O to so many cities, towns and municipalities in the first minute, a guy should be able to adequately find and identity his hometown while also recognizing the current fan base.  BTW, good football teams are built on depth,  the "We too deep in this bitch" line pays reference to that.

4. METALLICA-ENTER THE SANDMAN

WHY?  Look at how turnt Virginia Tech is.  You're telling me players and fans in Seattle or Philly or Chicago won't go ape shit over that?  You'll spear your grandfather on a Thanksgiving day game if you play that beforehand.

3. 8BALL & MJG-STRAIGHT CADILLAC PIMPIN

WHY? Fact: The NFL is played on Sunday.  Fact: The league has teams in Carolina, Houston, Atlanta, Tennessee, New Orleans and Jacksonville.  Take 'em all to church!!!!!

2. DMX-X GON GIVE IT TO YA

WHY?  Football game...liquor store robbery...bake sale....you can't have organized chaos without DMX.

1.WIZ KHALIFA-WE DEM BOYZ

It's 2014! This is it!  This is what the Seahawks SHOULD have came out to last night! This track is 3:59 and entrance be damned, it should be played in it's entirety!  Let the players dance the whole way around the field.  Can't you see it? 

Beast Mode and Sherman would be killing it.

Russ Wilson would be nodding his head and playing it cool.  Which IS cool because he's football Jeter.

The lineman would be yucking it up, doing fat guy dances. 

They could even show shots of owner Paul Allen in the luxury boxes counting money and bopping'....MAKE IT HAPPEN GINGER GOODELL!

-Jimmy Kimmel's "Mean Tweets" NFL Edition!

-They're not all mean.  I mean you could question the validity to that one about Clay Matthews but then again...

FRIDAY

-A Florida fisherman caught a horrifying mutant jumbo shrimp.

Part of me is ready to hide underneath my desk in fear, the other half wants to meet this guy up with some breading, a deep fryer and a gallon or two of cocktail and tartar sauce.

WEEKEND WATCH!

What you should be doing this weekend if you know, you’re not drunk or doing something better…

WATCH BOARDWALK EMPIRE
All good things must come to an end.  I just don't know why HBO's bloody prohibition saga just has to be one of them.  Final Season begins Sunday!

GO TO STARBUCKS AND DUNKIN DONUTS!
It's fall, which means it'll be cold soon, which means all good treats are back to warm (and fatten) you up.  You'll need the extra layers anyway.  I hear the winter is set for bitch-mode again.

WATCH THE NFL!
It's HERE!  I feel like Carlton in that episode of the Fresh Prince where Will gave him his Chicktionary.

FRIDAY SHOUT-OUT!

Recognizing whomever the hell I want!

S/O  to Georgia Running Back Todd Gurley!

I like to shit on College Football but I'll say this;

The NFL has the overall better quality of football but College is more fun because of guys that can just flat-out take over a game like Gurley.

Kneel at his cleats or be trampled by them.

Thanks for read, see you next week!  I thought everyone loved you?

-WST

FULL CIRCLE FRIDAY-STILL TIPPIN!

All the stories you know, and ones you don’t, but should. Welcome to FULL CIRCLE THURSDAY.

MONDAY

Beyoncé got everyone like this when she performs Drunk in Love pic.twitter.com/9Zbck535Jd
— Eric LeGrand (@EricLeGrand52) August 25, 2014

-If you're a little confused, Eric LeGrand was parlayed from this play in 2010 and has since regained movement of his shoulders and sensation throughout his body.

I don't even know how to react to THAT ONE.  Good to see he has a sense of humor I guess?

-A little girl interrupted Stephen Strasburg's warmups because cause kids just do the darndest things don't they?

When I was a kid, always hoped I could get lost in a mall and kick it at KB-Toys for hours until mom showed up.  I'm imagine she had a similar feeling of euphoria...except everything smells like sautéed onions and overpriced beer.

TUESDAY
-Are you a big-time College Football prospect?  If so, come to Tennessee!  We'll photoshop you with the hottest celebrities in the industry!

 Recruiting can be a strange thing.  Does that really work?   Isn't that something you'd get at a Knoxville-area mall kiosk?

-Everyone is complaining about this glitch in the new Madden 15.   Seems the designers and engineers over at EA Sports just don't give a shit.  I mean look what they did with NHL 15...

Ryan Reaves went from caramel to charcoal!  Yeah they're fucking up over there.  On the plus side, Donald Sterling approves this game.

WEDNESDAY

-Scenarios where reclining your seat on a plane is frowned upon:

1.The person behind you is really fat.

2. It's snack time and the person behind you still has their tray down.

3. The person behind you is 7-feet tall and plays in the NBA.

Sicers Center Hasheem Thabeet falls into category three. 

This d-bag sure picked the right big man to pull this on on...

Shaq would have eaten him.

-Floyd Mayweather with the real the money gawd  Warren Buffet!  An explanation champ?

"I had a great meeting with the $66.9 billion dollar man, Mr. Warren Buffett. We talked about how we could turn a $100 million of my assets to $1 billion. Mr. Warren Buffett is the original founder of The Money Team, he's just one of my billionaire buddies."

Well that's nice of him!  I'm sure Floyd neglected to mention Warren also dropped these off before he left...

THURSDAY

-Johnny Manziel has a new Snickers commercial because cocaine costs money and Johnny's gotta whore himself out while the hype is healthy.  

He looks like the old Browns Mascot.

But fuck ALL that shit right now....

College Football starts tonight!

YOU READY!?

YOU PUMPED!?

YOU WANNA GET NUTS?!  LET'S GET NUTS!!!

No.  

I'm underwhelmed to be honest.  Know why?  Because watching it as a whole sucks.

College Football is the guy/girl at a house party who's cool, but not really interesting enough to talk to for a long period.  Don't get me wrong, they may get you with a nice story or two (Alabama-Auburn).

But it's all just a trap, they're actually dull as hell (Big Ten) or annoying (late-night  Pac-10).

I didn't grow up in a college ball-crazy state but I've gone to enough games to know watching College Football is only fun when you're really drunk.

Unless of course, you live in SEC country....DAM GUD FUTBAWLL WE GOT DAWNN HARE!!!

Don't tell me some pimp coach masquerading as a deity should be revered.  Alums of schools in power 5 conferences; don't try to tell me all those Saturdays spent subjecting yourself to three hours of horrendous QB play, suspect defense and piss-poor special teams were some of your best college memories.

You just thought so because you had been slamming Natty Lights and shots of Admiral Nelson since dawn and took a couple rips from your buddy's' bowl before kickoff!

Two bums could tussle at the 50-yard line over a chalupa and you'd still be entertained under those conditions. 

The best weekends in College Football consist of the first week because it's awesome to have back and the last because you want to win a grip of cash in the office pick-em pool.

Everything else in-between is a weekly slate of trash with two marquee match ups that rarely live up to expectations.  Try watching and enjoying Ohio State-Rutgers or Alabama-Arkansas sober...you'll be playing Russian-roulette with five bullets in the chambers by halftime.

However, the best part of College Football?  Holy shit some of the struggle faces...

when yo $5 footlong be $8.67 pic.twitter.com/wpqMxiq4Cw
— Reid (@kevinreidm) January 7, 2014

 I've seen ponzi scheme victims with better composure. 

FRIDAY

-Three-time Sprint Cup champ (and noted asshole) Tony Stewart will return to racing this weekend three weeks after he struck and killed racer Kevin Ward Jr. on Aug, 9th during a sprint car race in upstate New York.  

So how's he been spending his down time since this terrible event?

Oh shit...

WEEKEND WATCH!

What you should be doing this weekend if you know, you’re not drunk or doing something better…

SEE THE NOVEMBER MAN
I dunno what the hell it's about, but Pierce Brosnan is in it and I've been down with him ever since that bitch Mrs. Doubtfire scoped him in the dome with a lime.

FANTASY FOOTBALL DRAFTS!
Most cringe-worthy name of 2014: Ray Rice's Elevator Rides.

SPEND TIME WITH LOVED ONES!
Because it's a wrap by next Thursday.

FRIDAY SHOUT-OUT!

Recognizing whomever the hell I want!

S/O  to Chicago Sky Forward Elena Della Donne!

Serial-killer name.  Serious game. 

Delle Donne dropped 17 of her 34 points in the 4th quarter to lead the Sky to the deciding game of WNBA Eastern Conference Semifinals with a 81-80 victory.  Atlanta had 13 points total for the quarter.

Kobe approves of this!

Later guys, see you next week Fuck 'em

-WST

FULL CIRCLE FRIDAY-SIPPIN' ON SOME SYRUP!

All the stories you know, and ones you don’t, but should. Welcome to FULL CIRCLE THURSDAY.

MONDAY

-Hot buttery Popcorn for Clint Dempsey's Jersey? Fair exchange.

Look at the the soccer moms...just loving themselves some Dempsey!

Kid: Mommy why did your lap get so warm?

Mom: Don't worry about it sweetie, mommy just needs a cold shower and a glass of wine. 

-Portland Trailblazers swingman Dorrell Wright got hitched Saturday and his wedding photos are on some next-level shit.

And Lorde said we'll never be Royals...look at the good sir and his lady just stuntin' on em. 

Dorrell Wright: Classier than you!

TUESDAY
-The Detroit Tigers have some problems.  In a 48-hour span, they lost Anibal Sanchez and Joakim Soria to the disabled list while pitching ace Justin Verlander continues to be hampered by shoulder soreness.

Hell, even the bat boy is injured!

Godspeed, bat boy.  I think Detroit can recover but if this lose this guy....

KC Royals will be claiming the AL Central...Pizza...Pizza.

-Following a botched route,Titans WR Justin Hunter has been labled the JAG of training camp.

Or "Just Another Guy" according to Titans head coach Ken "Worldwide Wiz" Whisenhunt.

Whisenhunt says Hunter can have his real name back on his practice jersey when proves himself to the coaching staff.

On the plus side, Hunter is still a better JAG than these guys...

WEDNESDAY

-Daniel Colman won the final table of the The Big One for One Drop poker tournament and walked away with $15 million dollars!

 BTW, he wasn't very enthusiastic about it one fucking bit!

Taxes?  Debt to the Russian mob? A lifelong battle with the disease known as Jay Cutler Face? 

The theories are endless, but one thing is for sure, that man is clearly not happy.  You won $15 million!  You're White!  Smile!

-The Wall Street Journal reports as many as 11 Jets players are on Tinder scheming for ass...I mean...looking for love.

"When I do find somebody, I want it to be real." -Right Tackle Breno Giacomini.

First off, that's the Drake-iest shit I've heard this month Breno. 

Secondly, if that's really what you're looking for, you wouldn't be on Tinder. Cut the shit.

You know you're just trying to invite a few cuties out for that 24-hour vacation so be real my dude. 

THURSDAY

Walking on the beach this morning, doing a little thinking when I saw footprints in the sand. Reminded me of the poem Footprints in the Sand
— John Calipari (@UKCoachCalipari) August 14, 2014

-John Calipari ladies and gentleman...the best coach in College Basketball.

But fuck ALL that shit right now....

Now, I'm not trying to be a hater....

Fuck it, I am trying to be a hater, when the hell did this codeine-addict ass motherfucker become regarded as an authority on Sports?

I mean I know he has an album dropping soon so he's gotta promote the album but...

When it comes to sports, dude doesn't really know anymore than the drunk schmuck next to you at the bar.

To top that off...for all the shit ya boy Aubrey Graham catches for flip-flopping, Weezy likes to do a little dickriding himself. 

He was down with the Lakers, then he was down with the Heat, then he was back with the Lakers after the NBA supposedly banned his monkey ass from Miami's arena.

He had "20 racks on the Colts" in the Super Bowl against his hometown Saints in 2010.

And then he muttered these unspeakable words yesterday....

"Mario Chalmers is a beast."

OH REALLY? Man.........

And this Carter V album better better be sick because you've been trash since 2008 bro.  Would it be too much to ask to for this guy back?

-The ALS Bucket Challenge is sweeping the nation and you know it would only be a matter of time before the crew from NFL Sunday Countdown got up in the action. 

Only problem is Cris Carter misses and nails Chris Berman with 80% of the H20 in his bucket.

I would have enjoyed this GIF a lot more if there were scalding hot water or better yet, coffee in that bucket.  Chris Berman is the fucking worst.

FRIDAY

-The craziest Umpires in Baseball...ever

Amusing, but they got nothing on the gawd, Detective Frank Drebin!

WEEKEND WATCH!

What you should be doing this weekend if you know, you’re not drunk or doing something better…

SEE THE EXPENDABLES 3!
Ready for another round of your favorite washed-up 80's action stars blowing shit up.  If not, prepare with the Terry Crews workout!

SEE LET'S BE COPS!
Two guys decide they'll pretend to be Peace Officers...just like "real" ones!

WATCH ROBIN WILLIAMS MOVIES!
Because let's be honest, we're not over it yet!

RIP Robin.

FRIDAY SHOUT-OUT!

Recognizing whomever the hell I want!

Shout-Out to the Jackie Robinson West Little League squad!  They're out here bringing opposing Pitchers to tears!  I'm not lying either!

Stay smooth suckas!  YOU'RE ALL WELCOME!

-WST

FULL CIRCLE FRIDAY-PINKY RING!

All the stories you know, and ones you don’t, but should. Welcome to FULL CIRCLE THURSDAY.

MONDAY

-Did you have a bad weekend?

Ya know...nothing going on?

No room at the restaurant?

Weather ruin your plans?

Car get a ticket?

Party was lame?

Gym crowded?

Fuck your petty problems, try having Paul George's year!

Millionaire pro Basketball player sounds real rough, right?

In less than a year Paul George has...

1. Had his play consistently questioned by fans and media.

2. Was cat-fished by a dude.

3. Had his mansion broken into and robbed.

4. Knocked up a stripper.

5. Accused of sleeping with Roy Hibbert's fiancee.

And the cherry on top of that shit Sundae?  Friday....

(WARNING: DON'T LOOK!)

(DON'T DO IT!!)

(JUST CLOSE YOUR EYES AND SCROLL PAST!!!!!)

(YOU DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Get the point?  Paul George had a worse weekend than you...I mean I'm sorry you shelled a ton of coin and didn't get to bang your Tinder date but hey, at least you didn't surfer a gruesome leg injury on national television right?  Am I right?

-Somewhere in the world, there is a place...

and in this place, sheep stand peacefully on the side of a road...

Because on this road, these sheep wait...

to show any schmuck who travels down it's path what true speed really looks like...get loose!

Get it an NFL contract!

 Methinks Baltimore's front office could use a short-term replacement for Ray Rice.

BREAKING:  Forget it...Roger Goodell announced that he has just handed Sheep here a FOUR game suspension!  

Seems he likes the "grass" a little too much.

TUESDAY
-The San Antonio Spurs continue to be better at everyone else when it comes to basketball and basketball-type things by hiring WNBA star Becky Hammon to their coaching staff.

 With the move, Hammon will become the NBA's first female assistant coach.  However, someone better let her know to not be offended or take it personally when Boris Diaw asks her to make him a sandwich....

Because he asks EVERYONE to make him sandwich.

-Cubs fans know a little thing or two about disappointment...but the future offers promise as North Side capo Theo Epstein has spent the last couple of seasons assembling a treasure trove of young talent.

One of those potential gems made his debut Tuesday in uber-prospect Javier Baez and for one night, he did not disappoint...

Whoooooooooo!  Holy Cow!  Cubs! Wrigelyvillle! Ronnie Woo-Woo!  Frat Bros!  World Series 2016!

Shit, my bad....I meant 2061.

WEDNESDAY

-Former Lions QB Scott Mitchell has gotten huge (366 pounds) and will appear on the Biggest Loser this Fall.

He spent five years in the Lions organization...I don't know if he'll win but he's definitely worthy of the title.

-Death by musical chairs.  Just watch....

That guy is dead right?  I'm not kidding, he very well may not be alive.  He got smoked!

Shoulders square, head-up, follows all the way through with the hit.  

That, my friends, is a blonde-haired cruise missile.

THURSDAY

-Someone at ESPN has stick up their ass as Highly Questionable host Dan Le Batard was given a two-day staycation (four day weekend!) for trolling LeBron James with this billboard in James' hometown of Akron, Ohio.

I don't really see anything wrong, but the sign would be more accurate if it read,"You're welcome, Miami fans. Love, Lebron."

But fuck ALL that shit right now....

Man....FUCK this movie!  Fuck everything about it!

Fuck the writers!

The cameramen!

The sound guy!

The actors!

The commercials!

The merchandise!

All of 'em and I'm not done!

Fuck the soundtrack!

Wiz Khalifa and Juicy J are the dudes, but fuck them and their arrogance for thinking they could create a TMNT track in the same stratosphere of Ninja Rap.

Fuck Michael Bay!

I don't care if you're not the director and only got a producer's credit (fuck you too Jonathan Liebesman for directing).

I wouldn't care if you executive-produced it, wrote it, did production assistant work or just showed up on set one day with a stick of dynamite in your pocket because you couldn't help yourself and thought the movie could use just ONE explosion scene.

The fact that you're involved in this movie only guarantees this movie will be awful.

Fuck you Paramount pictures!

That studio made a mint taking the memories of older Millennials and flat-out raping our childhood no Vaseline.

You lured us all in with Transformers in 2007, then followed up with THREE shit-can sequels.  

Then just for the hell of it, you casted Magic Mike and the Ringo Starr of the Wayans family for lead roles in G.I. Joe!

And now you're back for the Turtles?  No, fuck you.  I'm not allowing it...

Fuck the new TMNT as a movie, a franchise and a motherfucking crew and unless you're taking your five-year-old to see it, fuck you too!

This weekend, instead of wasting your time watching that bastard of a reboot, save yourself $15, order some Dominoes, grab some couch and watch this classic eye orgasm at home instead 

Trust me, you're better off.

By the way, fuck Megan Fox too, even though she supposedly no longer has the time.

-Do my eyes deceive me or am I seeing two, yes two Justin Verlanders?

I think it's safe to say everyone would prefer the Kate Upton version of this better.

FRIDAY

-Rutgers Football players like to cool off and get a little wild at "Club Tub" after practice.

It's important that they're having fun now because they won't be won't be doing much partying this season.  A lot of people picked them to finish dead last in their Big Ten debut season. 

WEEKEND WATCH!

What you should be doing this weekend if you know, you’re not drunk or doing something better…

SEE GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY!
I was at Lollapalooza watching Outkast and shaking my well-aged fist at youngsters last weekend.  This is a must for me. 

Oh yeah, Chris Pratt is the patron saint of fat-schlubs who take no gym days off and get ripped. 

SEE INTO THE STORM!
Unless of course, you've seen Twister...than don't bother.  That one had better actors...and a cow.

WATCH PRESEASON FOOTBALL!
Starters get to chill and most of the guys getting tick will be working a desk at Enterprise Rent-A-Car before August is up...

But who gives a damn?!  It's Football!  Celebrate!

FRIDAY SHOUT-OUT!

Recognizing whomever the hell I want!

Shout-out to that drunk Brit!

Because let's be honest, you either knew or were that someone who attempted the Shaggy voice back in 2000.

Chuck up the deuce!  It's last call!  You just got your asses whipped by a bunch of god-damn nerds!

-WST