Friday, April 10, 2015

FULL CIRCLE FRIDAY-BEAST MODE!


All the stories you know, and ones you don’t, but should. Welcome to FULL CIRCLE FRIDAY.

MONDAY

-Three things are certain in life: death, taxes and Joakim Noah talking shit to LeBron.
These two teams are gonna dance at some point in the Eastern Conference playoffs and four to seven games of Noah being a dick to the Cavs and their fans is a program I can get with.

-Opening night was a disaster for the Cubs as stadium renovations resulted in 45 minute-long bathroom lines and some fans resorted to pissing in empty beer cups.
Which is an improvement when you consider most people around Wrigleyville don't even bother using cups.

TUESDAY

-I kind of feel bad for this schmuck Wisconsin fan...
He would have looked SO cool in that Teletubby costume had the Badgers actually won.

-Suns Forwards (and twins) Marcus and Makieff Morris are under investigation by Phoenix police for allegedly assaulting a man who sexted their mother.
Family over everything!

WEDNESDAY

-Just Prince fielder doing pre-game squats with Rougned Odor on his shoulders...
Could be a lot more awkward...Odor could be facing the other way. 


-Atlanta Hawks guard Thabo Sefolosha suffered a season-ending broken ankle while resisting arrest after he and teammate Petro Antic refused to disperse a New York nightclub following the stabbing of Pacers forward Chris Copeland...

Think ol' Thabo is just lucky they didn't have a taser to planet on him.

THURSDAY

-Wake Forest Cornerback Kevin Johnson received his formal invite to the NFL Draft.  His position coach decided to tweet out the letter the NFL faxed over.
Good Job Kevin!  You can post that on your fridge right next to the Cow you drew in second grade.

But fuck all that shit right now...
We're four months into 2015 and Ohio State, the Patriots and Duke are your champions...is this setting up to be the douchiest year in sports ever?

To answer, let's take a look at the NBA, NHL and MLB teams and fanbases that could further irritate the rest of the nation by winning it all using my WST insfufferability index.

SUFFERABLE
KANSAS CITY ROYALS:  They haven't won shit since the 80's and the way their fans kind of just showed up outta nowhere is a tad bit irritating but hey, it's Kansas City.  There's nothing from that town I'd want outside of some BBQ and Justin Houston.  I could deal with it.

SAN ANTONIO SPURS:  Hating the old-ass Spurs for consistently winning is like getting mad at your usually cool dad after he curses you out as a kid. You're a little upset at first, but you know in the long run it was for the best.

MONTREAL CANADIENS: They've won more Stanley Cups than anyone so that does warrant some disrespect.  On the other hand, they're Canadians, well...FRENCH Canadians but still maple syrup guzzlers and I have a hard time disliking Canadians.

INSUFFERABLE

BOSTON RED SOX: Jesus, remember when people actually had sympathy for Boston fans?  Now I just envision them all as drunk, racist versions of Mark Wahlberg.  Boston is one of the few major cities I've yet to visit and for good reason.  I've seen The Departed way too many times.

GOLDEN STATE WARRIORS:  They've had too perfect of a season and Steph Curry and Klay Thompson haven't had enough adversity in their careers to just be able to lightskin their way into a NBA title. 

There's also this excited little Warriors fan girl...
She doesn't deserve to be that happy.  Warriors win it, she will and I'm not down with that.

PITTSBURGH PENGUINS:  Know what I can't stand about people from Pittsburgh?  They're fucking everywhere.  Every decently-sized city contains a nest of yinzers because everyone born there moves away the fucking second they can operate a vehicle. BTW, Wiz Khalifa's "Black & Yellow" makes me want to wash my mouth out with a bullet.

MOST INSUFFERABLE

ST. LOUIS CARDINALS:  Their fans are basically Ned Flanders...
If Ned Flanders had a self-righteous ego...and didn't like black people.

CLEVELAND CAVALIERS: I could write a whole book on the LeBron hate (who knows, someday I might just) but let's just talk about their fans for a second.  These are people who actually burned $80 dollar replica jerseys when he left town, paid the same amount for his jersey again when he came back last summer and will gleefully boast and talk shit if the Cavs win the finals this year.  I hope the city's water supply gets lead poisoning. 

CHICAGO BLACKHAWKS:  I'm a Blackhawks fan so I can tell you first-hand that we're douchebags.  Few things Chicagoans love more than a winning team and when we got one, EVERYONE latches on.  Six years ago, I couldn't tell you what icing was and today...I still can't but you can bet your ass I'll get drunk and talk shit to a Blues/Predators/Canuck fan the first chance I get like everyone else in this town come postseason.  BTW, the players do things like beat up cab drivers and fuck their teammates wives. 

-Tiger Woods called himself a dumbass after a bad shot in the opening round of the Masters.
If only he had this revelation when he was cheating on his wife with Perkins waitresses. 

FRIDAY

-Steelers SafetyTroy Polamalu announced his retirement after 12 seasons of wrecking every one's shit.  Let's watch this play of him taking Kerry Collins' soul!
Congrats Samoan Samson!  Never cut those locks!

WEEKEND WATCH!
What you should be doing this weekend if you know, you’re not drunk or something better...

GO OUTSIDE!
Shades on.  Sunroof up.  I don't care if it's only 55 and cloudy out.

DRINK A SLURPEE!
Saturday is 7-Eleven's BYO cup day.  I got two buckets ready to ride.

WATCH GAME OF THRONES!
This should go without saying but you have no one to blame but yourself by going on social media before you watch the season premier.

FRIDAY SHOUT-OUT!
Recognizing whomever the hell I want!
Shout-Out to this Florida Bobcat who just dragged a big ass fish right out of the Atlantic Takes a lot of balls to just run up in some one's home and say, "You!  Dinner!  Let's go!"

Florida scares me man.  It's full of alligators and meth heads running around, committing crimes together.

Have a great weekend guys.  "Run you stupid son of a bitch, run!"

-WST
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