Friday, January 30, 2015

FULL CIRCLE FRIDAY-B BOY!


All the stories you know, and ones you don’t, but should. Welcome to FULL CIRCLE FRIDAY.

MONDAY
-The Pro Bowl was Sunday, I didn't even bother watching the game so here's this picture of horny mascots chasing cheerleader tail instead...
Gahhhh!  Get a load of the peepers on those birds, I don't even wanna know what they're thinking.

Anyway, Ratings were down for the fourth straight year but too many people are still watching.  STOP that shit now.

-Neil deGrasse Tyson thinks Bill Belichick and Tom Brady are full of shit...
See that Robert Kraft?  Science caught ya slipping bitch! 
TUESDAY
-Super Bowl Media Day!  What pearls of wisdom would players such as Marshawn Lynch and Rob Gronkowski bestow upon all of us?

 Well...
When will the media learn that if you want a soundbite outta Beastmode, you gotta ask him about things he cares about...like his charity or Skittles!
See?!  Put a bowl of molar-wrecking goodness in front of the man and he won't shut up!
-Meanwhile Gronkowski took a moment to read an excerpt from "A Gronking to Remember," a fictitious erotic novel featuring him written by thirsty author Lacey Noonan....

-I guess catching TD passes from Tom Brady won't pay all the bills so here's Julian Edelman shilling for something called Nutri Ninja...
Well that was awkward, they can't even be funny without me hating them. 

WEDNESDAY
-More Gronk and Beast Mode as they sat down to play an advanced copy of Mortal Kombat X with Conan O'Brien.  Hilarity ensued.
These dudes are the bros we all deserve in our inner circle.

-Key and Peele have done the whole funny football name thing a couple times so naturally, the only way to make it better was to add real football players...
I hope A.A. Ron Rodgers is enjoying his off-season.
THURSDAY
-While many of us slept comfortably, Kevin Hart was in Texas for his "What Now?" comedy tour and after spotting Adrian Peterson in the audience and afterwards, decided to challenge purple Jesus to a race in the middle of the street 
That was actually a lot closer than I thought it would be, Hart's got some skills but it's still a good thing he lost, he's small enough that AP may have mistaken him for a kid.

But fuck all that shit right now...

It's Super Bowl weekend and that means halftime shows, over-the-top commercials, booze and of course, Food!  

But what kind of food? What can you bring to insure that people don't hate you the rest of the night?

WST is here with the definitive Super Bowl Party snack ranking:

10. PIZZA
Duh.  Everyone loves pizza!  It's fast and it's easy.  So you're probably wondering why it isn't higher...

There's nothing about it that makes it special, especially for an event like the Super Bowl. 

Sad to say but Pizza is basic as fuck.  Do you really want to look like the uncreative schmuck who just walked in with a couple pies from Dominoes?  

9. FROZEN LITTLE DEBBIES
A childhood favorite!  Now I can only vouch for the Swiss Rolls and Strawberry Shortcakes but they're actually better cold and make a nice halftime treat.  

The rest?  Try at your own discretion.

8. SNYDER'S PRETZEL PIECES
These things are as addictive as crack (not that I know or anything).  Probably the same reason they only sell 'em in small bags.  

Mix and match a couple in a bowl for a flavor orgy.

7. POPEYE'S BISCUITS
They're flaky, soft, portable and taste like heaven.  Did I mention it's only $8 bucks for a dozen?

Anybody gives you shit for walking into the party with these, they're not your friends and more importantly, they may not be American.  Call your local FBI field office immediately. 

6. JOSE OLE TAQUITOS

Who wants pieces of tortilla, meat, and lettuce stuck in-between their couch cushions?

The homie Jose has you taco lovers covered, all of the goodness, none of the mess.  Be warned, they come out of the oven smoking so wait about five minutes before you dig in or you'll be sucking on ice cubes the rest of the first half.

5. CHIPS & GUAC
Why not Chips & Salsa?  Cause even the meanest salsa can't hold a card to Guacamole.  Weather you buy it or make your own, remember not be stingy with the lime juice.  The lime juice sets it all off!!!!

As far as tortilla chips, Go for Tostitos Scoops over generic and deadly triangle shaped ones.  Everyone and their gums will thank you later.

4.  LIL' SMOKIES
All you need is a couple packs of these bad boys, a crock pot, toothpicks and whatever savory sauce your tiny heart desires.

Wrap them in bacon if you want to make it really interesting/possibly die.

3. SUB TRAY
It won't cost more than $30 bones and the variety keeps everyone happy.

Plus there's usually enough to even keep the asshole who shows up and eats everything occupied.

2. HAMBURGER CHEESE DIP
Some call it HCD, some call it  "Dammit Dip" because it's that good. 

Whatever the name, all you need is ground beef, a couple blocks of Velveeta cheese, throw it all in a crock pot and you got yourself some gold delicious.

Best part?  You can smother it on everything with the same tasty result; pita bread, crackers, hot dogs, vegetable sticks...even your fucking hand.

1. WINGS
With over 1.26 Billion consumed over Super Bowl weekend, it's the staple food of the event.

So many different spices and flavors to count and they won't fill you up.  You can grab a few the minute you walk in and (hopefully) one or two right after the confetti falls and the Lombardi Trophy is presented. 

Thank you Chicken, thank you.

-Seattle-based medical marijuana dispensary Solstice has rolled up 12,000 joints to be sold in honor of the Seahawks Super Bowl appearance.
They'll come in twelve-packs and will only be sold to "medical" smokers.

FRIDAY
-Tom Brady's got a couple good friends who would like to make a confession...
Did I just see Bill Simmons?  FUCK!!!!!!!!!!

WEEKEND WATCH!
What you should be doing this weekend if you know, you’re not drunk or doing something better…

WATCH THE GAME
My Prediction: Seahawks 24-Patriots 21

 I've been riding Seattle's dick all post-season  no point in hopping off now, amiright?  Besides, fuck Boston fans, they're the worst. 

WATCH KATY PERRY!
You sly minx you.  Beast Mode would be so proud.

FRIDAY SHOUT-OUT!
Recognizing whomever the hell I want!

Shout-out to Odell Beckham Jr!  Pro Bowl in his rookie year and setting obscure-ass Guinness world-records and shit!

Enjoy the big game this weekend.  If you win some money, share it with me, please? They're friendly!

-WST

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