FULL CIRCLE FRIDAY-B BOY!

All the stories you know, and ones you don’t, but should. Welcome to FULL CIRCLE FRIDAY.

MONDAY
-The Pro Bowl was Sunday, I didn't even bother watching the game so here's this picture of horny mascots chasing cheerleader tail instead...

Gahhhh!  Get a load of the peepers on those birds, I don't even wanna know what they're thinking.

Anyway, Ratings were down for the fourth straight year but too many people are still watching.  STOP that shit now.

-Neil deGrasse Tyson thinks Bill Belichick and Tom Brady are full of shit...

For the Patriots to blame a change in temperature for 15% lower-pressures, requires balls to be inflated with 125-degree air.
— Neil deGrasse Tyson (@neiltyson) January 26, 2015

See that Robert Kraft?  Science caught ya slipping bitch! 

TUESDAY
-Super Bowl Media Day!  What pearls of wisdom would players such as Marshawn Lynch and Rob Gronkowski bestow upon all of us?

Well...

When will the media learn that if you want a soundbite outta Beastmode, you gotta ask him about things he cares about...like his charity or Skittles!

See?!  Put a bowl of molar-wrecking goodness in front of the man and he won't shut up!

-Meanwhile Gronkowski took a moment to read an excerpt from "A Gronking to Remember," a fictitious erotic novel featuring him written by thirsty author Lacey Noonan....

-I guess catching TD passes from Tom Brady won't pay all the bills so here's Julian Edelman shilling for something called Nutri Ninja...

Well that was awkward, they can't even be funny without me hating them. 

WEDNESDAY

-More Gronk and Beast Mode as they sat down to play an advanced copy of Mortal Kombat X with Conan O'Brien.  Hilarity ensued.

These dudes are the bros we all deserve in our inner circle.

-Key and Peele have done the whole funny football name thing a couple times so naturally, the only way to make it better was to add real football players...

I hope A.A. Ron Rodgers is enjoying his off-season.

THURSDAY

-While many of us slept comfortably, Kevin Hart was in Texas for his "What Now?" comedy tour and after spotting Adrian Peterson in the audience and afterwards, decided to challenge purple Jesus to a race in the middle of the street 

That was actually a lot closer than I thought it would be, Hart's got some skills but it's still a good thing he lost, he's small enough that AP may have mistaken him for a kid.

But fuck all that shit right now...

It's Super Bowl weekend and that means halftime shows, over-the-top commercials, booze and of course, Food!  

But what kind of food? What can you bring to insure that people don't hate you the rest of the night?

WST is here with the definitive Super Bowl Party snack ranking:

10. PIZZA

Duh.  Everyone loves pizza!  It's fast and it's easy.  So you're probably wondering why it isn't higher...

There's nothing about it that makes it special, especially for an event like the Super Bowl. 

Sad to say but Pizza is basic as fuck.  Do you really want to look like the uncreative schmuck who just walked in with a couple pies from Dominoes?  

9. FROZEN LITTLE DEBBIES

A childhood favorite!  Now I can only vouch for the Swiss Rolls and Strawberry Shortcakes but they're actually better cold and make a nice halftime treat.  

The rest?  Try at your own discretion.

8. SNYDER'S PRETZEL PIECES

These things are as addictive as crack (not that I know or anything).  Probably the same reason they only sell 'em in small bags.  

Mix and match a couple in a bowl for a flavor orgy.

7. POPEYE'S BISCUITS

They're flaky, soft, portable and taste like heaven.  Did I mention it's only $8 bucks for a dozen?

Anybody gives you shit for walking into the party with these, they're not your friends and more importantly, they may not be American.  Call your local FBI field office immediately. 

6. JOSE OLE TAQUITOS

Who wants pieces of tortilla, meat, and lettuce stuck in-between their couch cushions?

The homie Jose has you taco lovers covered, all of the goodness, none of the mess.  Be warned, they come out of the oven smoking so wait about five minutes before you dig in or you'll be sucking on ice cubes the rest of the first half.

5. CHIPS & GUAC

Why not Chips & Salsa?  Cause even the meanest salsa can't hold a card to Guacamole.  Weather you buy it or make your own, remember not be stingy with the lime juice.  The lime juice sets it all off!!!!

As far as tortilla chips, Go for Tostitos Scoops over generic and deadly triangle shaped ones.  Everyone and their gums will thank you later.

4.  LIL' SMOKIES

All you need is a couple packs of these bad boys, a crock pot, toothpicks and whatever savory sauce your tiny heart desires.

Wrap them in bacon if you want to make it really interesting/possibly die.

3. SUB TRAY

It won't cost more than $30 bones and the variety keeps everyone happy.

Plus there's usually enough to even keep the asshole who shows up and eats everything occupied.

2. HAMBURGER CHEESE DIP

Some call it HCD, some call it  "Dammit Dip" because it's that good. 

Whatever the name, all you need is ground beef, a couple blocks of Velveeta cheese, throw it all in a crock pot and you got yourself some gold delicious.

Best part?  You can smother it on everything with the same tasty result; pita bread, crackers, hot dogs, vegetable sticks...even your fucking hand.

1. WINGS

With over 1.26 Billion consumed over Super Bowl weekend, it's the staple food of the event.

So many different spices and flavors to count and they won't fill you up.  You can grab a few the minute you walk in and (hopefully) one or two right after the confetti falls and the Lombardi Trophy is presented. 

Thank you Chicken, thank you.

-Seattle-based medical marijuana dispensary Solstice has rolled up 12,000 joints to be sold in honor of the Seahawks Super Bowl appearance.

They'll come in twelve-packs and will only be sold to "medical" smokers.

FRIDAY

-Tom Brady's got a couple good friends who would like to make a confession...

Did I just see Bill Simmons?  FUCK!!!!!!!!!!

WEEKEND WATCH!

What you should be doing this weekend if you know, you’re not drunk or doing something better…

WATCH THE GAME
My Prediction: Seahawks 24-Patriots 21

I've been riding Seattle's dick all post-season  no point in hopping off now, amiright?  Besides, fuck Boston fans, they're the worst. 

WATCH KATY PERRY!

You sly minx you.  Beast Mode would be so proud.

FRIDAY SHOUT-OUT!

Recognizing whomever the hell I want!

Shout-out to Odell Beckham Jr!  Pro Bowl in his rookie year and setting obscure-ass Guinness world-records and shit!

Enjoy the big game this weekend.  If you win some money, share it with me, please? They're friendly!

-WST

HATE ME NOW: THE SEATTLE SEAHAWKS AND WHY IT'S STILL GOOD TO BE BAD

I'm in Old Town...  

A place where boutique shops, yoga studios and high-priced condos occupy what was once the hood in the eighties and nineties.

Before that, the center of the city's hippie movement in the sixties.

The bar is crowded, yet silent...minus the three dozen or so high-def TVs adorning it's walls and of course, me.

I'm gassed up.  There's a look in my eye...half excitement, half defiant.  People are staring, some in shock, some smiling, many scowling, some curious as to why this dude has been reserved all afternoon only to suddenly lose his shit.

The reason? 

 Beast Mode is standing in the end zone with a message to the Packers, their fans, the media, his own fans who walked out early trying to beat traffic and people like me, who prematurely posted about his team's demise this afternoon...

For the last three hours, I've been surrounded by happy faces clad in green and gold.  Up until this point, I had been in hell.  This is still Chicago but tons of transplants from up north call the city home for no major reason other then the fact that one is Chicago and the other is well...Wisconsin. 

I'm here because a friend, a Saints fan from Chicago with New England ties of all things asked if I wanted to join. 

She's been going for Green Bay too because she finds the Seahawks to be "vicious," a comment I can only respond to with a nod and a smile..

40 minutes earlier it seemed this day belonged to the Packers and their fans.  Better yet, this day belongs to basic, normal, America.

After all, Aaron Rodgers vs. Tom Brady is what they wanted...well the Patriots wouldn't play until later but seriously, did anyone who watched the Colts this season really think they had a chance?

Never mind Brady is 37 making hall of fame hand offs and Rodgers hasn't been himself in weeks thanks to a gimpy leg.  Hell, I'll admit it would have been a semi-interesting matchup.  Those names have star-power, ratings, publicity. 

The game was wrapped up.  it was over. Green Bay was heading to the Super Bowl. 

But then they got too comfortable...

And then it happened...after being mediocre all afternoon Russell Wilson and Marshawn Lynch suddenly morphed into fucking Wyatt Earp & Co. in Tombstone...

15 points.  44 seconds.  Green Bay follows with a field goal to tie, but the damage is done. It's over, you can see it every Packer fans eyes.

Two plays into overtime and it actually is a wrap.  

All hell has broken loose at CenturyLink Field; Wilson is sobbing, Michael Bennett is riding a police bike around the field like Debo from Friday,  Doug Baldwin is clowning NFL Network Analyst Deion Sanders for calling him an average, mediocre receiver (never mind that Deion is right).

Beast Mode is somewhere...probably ghost riding a golf cart because that's what Beast Mode does... 

Meanwhile, I'm strutting out of Old Town Pour House with my fist in the air.  

Instead of the match up people wanted, the stage is set for the heavyweight title fight the game of football deserves and the big, bad, evil, Seahawks have once again dropped in and fucked your whole plans up. 

The 70's had the Oakland Raiders and Philadelphia Flyers.

 The 80's had the Miami Hurricanes, New York Mets and Detroit Pistons.

 The 90's had the NWO and Dennis Rodman...

The Seattle Seahawks aren't anything new.  There's always been player or team that's played the role of villain.  As far as the game itself goes, they're the personification of violence.  A throwback to how the NFL used to be played with a grind you into the dust run game and as my friend earlier commented, a vicious, swarming, take your head off defense.

They have an edge, a chip on their shoulder that they play with.  More importantly, they seem to relish the us-against-the world mentality.

I can't really put my finger on what about this team makes them so loathsome to many others...

Maybe it's because they boast, or are truculent with the media.

But in an age of brands, PR-laced soundbites and efforts to suppress individualism, they're a breath of fresh air and there's nothing people hate more than a breath of fresh air.

They're spitting in the face of authority and having a good time in the process...

They're going to date Instagram models who just go by name "Snowphat"

They're going to keep cutting WWE-style promos when you put cameras in their faces...

And in a couple weeks they may just wreck one of your favorite QBs for the second Super Bowl in a row...

Seahawks are here.  Get down or lay down.

-WST

FULL CIRCLE FRIDAY-RED NATION

All the stories you know, and ones you don’t, but should. Welcome to FULL CIRCLE FRIDAY.

MONDAY
-The talk of the day was the National Championship game as Ohio State (fuck) throttled Oregon 42-20 in Arlington, Texas.

The loss didn't stop Ducks mascot Puddles from displaying the most offensive thing Oregon had going all night...

Duck breasts?  Who finds that sexy...I don't now any-

Oh....never mind.

-Meanwhile, in Columbus, students flooded the streets of Ohio State's campus only to have the celebrations broken up camouflage-clad police with tear gas and pepper spray because who doesn't want to gas Buckeye fans?

Guess it didn't have the desired effect on everyone.   This bro looks like he's ready for another hit of the dank shit.

TUESDAY
-The Denver Broncos and Coach John Fox mutually parted ways (fired) and afterwards, team vice-president/GM John Elway took the opportunity to thank himself...

"YEAH, I WANNA TAKE A MOMENT TO THANK MYSELF BECAUSE I PUT THIS SHIT TOGETHER!  ME!  NOT JOHN FOX!  ME!  IN FACT, CALL ME MOZILLA BECAUSE I JUST HAD TO FIRE FOX!  YOU SEE DEMARCUS WARE THIS YEAR?!  I DID THAT! JOHN ELWAY GOT BALLS LIKE AN EQUIPMENT CLOSET BABY!

-Mitchell Skiba is a defenseman for the Midwest Junior Hockey League's Apena Flyers.  Following an ejection for spearing an opponent, he decided to try to keep it a little too real on his way out and paid dearly for it...

Checked himself.  Wrecked himself.

WEDNESDAY

-The hell is wrong with Fish sticks?

I had no idea they had a negative connotation. I haven't had any since I was a kid but still!  Fish sticks are a staple of the American nine year-old's diet!  This slander is unacceptable.

-NASCAR or Tricycle, Jeff Gordon shows no mercy.

I think I got a challenger who will dust his ass though...

THURSDAY

-Kobe and LeBron took a night off from hating everyone and everything about their current teams to have fun playing Basketball and being old...

Twitter had some fun with it, fucking savages that they are...

But fuck all that shit right now...

But wait, there's more...

I love conference championship weekend man.  It's my last chance of the season to give a damn about  Football.

All I want to do Sunday is watch these games comfortably and yell at my TV while giving it the finger anytime a Papa John's commercial comes on.

Or when they show some enthusiastic fan geeked because their team is going to big game.  Fuck your happiness. 

Besides, the Super Bowl blows.

That's right, I said it, Super Bowl Sunday is awful.  It's a sideshow.

It's as much as about what's on the giant party sub you're buying as it is the game.

It's as much about critiquing Katy Perry's halftime performance outfit as it is Russell Wilson's passer rating.

It's as much about wishing you were home watching the game solo instead of cramped on a couch with 20 jagoffs as it is the final score.

I'm looking forward to all of it.

FRIDAY

-The NHL is breaking out these jerseys for their All-Star game in Columbus, Ohio next weekend...

Seriously, you gotta wonder if commissioner Gary Bettman  really wants people to watch his product?  Your all-star game is in fucking Ohio and now this?

WEEKEND WATCH!

What you should be doing this weekend if you know, you’re not drunk or doing something better…

WATCH THE CONFERENCE CHAMPIONSHIPS!
Seahawks-Patriots is going to happen.  It is written.  Don't try to fight it.

SEE AMERICAN SNIPER!
Chris Kyle is probably a fraud (yeah get angry) but hey, the movie should be good!

SEE BLACKHAT!
In a matter of weeks, this movie starting Thor went from slick, dramatic Michael Mann-directed thriller to action flick with a hip-hop laced trailer. Boo to them on that!

FRIDAY SHOUT-OUT!

Recognizing whomever the hell I want!

\

Shout-out to Orlando Magic Center Nikola Vucevic!  You can't do that to Pau Gasol man!  He's a legend!  Put him on the ground and shit.

Enjoy the games this weekend, eat some brunch or something.  Brunch is good!  My mama wanted people to show me some respect.

-WST

FULL CIRCLE FRIDAY-RAP MONUMENT

All the stories you know, and ones you don’t, but should. Welcome to FULL CIRCLE FRIDAY.

MONDAY
-Memphis Grizzlies Guard (and certifiable lunatic) Tony Allen would like you to know his son puked on him.

Interesting...seems his son only plays well in spurts just like his old man!

TUESDAY
-Sabres Winger Patrick Kaleta decided he wasn't getting his ass whipped enough in a fight so he decided to help out...

Maybe he's just checking to make sure his haymakers are working.

I can hear Hockey fans now....

"DUHHHHHHHHH PRIMADONNA LEBRON NEEDS OTHER THUGS TO PUNCH HIM! SELFISH!  IN HOCKEY, IF THE TEAM NEEDS YOU TO WHIP YOUR OWN ASS, YOU SAY HOW MANY SWINGS COACH?!"

WEDNESDAY

-HAPPY NEW YEARS!!!!! HERE'S PITBULL DOING HIS BEST JOHNNY MANZIEL IMPRESSION....

DALE!

THURSDAY

-Ladies and gentleman, meet Shawn Oakman...6'8 280 pounds of pissed off human being.

This guy looks like a boss at the end of a video game!  In fact...

I'VE SEEN THIS GUY BEFORE!

The Super Shredder survived and had a fucking family!

-There really is no other way to describe how Ohio State and their fans are feeling towards the country right now...

Outside of that though, nobody won. This was a true Stalin vs. Hitler match-up.

Big Ten fans are giddy that the Buckeyes stuck it the SEC's top dog but deep down inside, they know they hate Ohio State more than they love their own children.

FRIDAY

-IT'S TIME....FUCK ALL THIS SHIT RIGHT NOW!

IT'S THE WST'S NFL PLAYOFF HATE PRIMER!

As usual, my favorite time isn't in it (they can go eat a dick) so it's time to break down this years participants and remind you why none of them are worthy of hoisting the Lombardi trophy a month from now.

So let's cut the bullshit and get into it:

6. Baltimore Ravens

Record: 11-5

How they got here: With no help from fucking Ray Rice.  The Chiefs and Chargers pissing playoff berths down their legs.

Why you should like them: RB Justin Forsett, who as far as I know, doesn't beat up women in elevators. Steve Smith will talk shit to anyone...

Why you should hate them:  These people...

5. Cincinnati Bengals

Record: 10-5-1

Seed: 5th

How they got here: RB's Jeremy Hill and Giovanni Bernard playing keep away from Andy Dalton.

Why you should like them: Those GEICO commercials featuring former Bengals All-Pro Ickey Woods...

Why you should hate them:  Cincinnati is home to Skyline Chilli...  

You know your town is a piece of shit when the landmark food is a plate of noodles topped with diarrhea and cheddar.  

You know what I call that?  Being broke with one thing in the fridge and two in the pantry.

It's almost guaranteed Andy Dalton is going to fumble the ball twice and throw a pick-six.  If I were AJ Green, I'd spend every morning taking a shit on his doorstep.

4. Indianapolis Colts

Record: 11-5

How they got here: By default...outside of JJ Watt, the AFC South blows. 

Why you should like them:  Andrew "Shrek Jr" Luck led the league with 40 touchdown passes and is the future. T.Y. Hilton's emotions...

Why you should hate them: Trent Richardson is still on the team.  They're owned by this guy...

3. Pittsburgh Steelers

Record: 11-5

How they got here: Le'Veon Bell doing everything: running, catching, selling popcorn, taking tickets, doing pat-downs at the security gate and doing the postgame designated driving for their drunk, overweight fan base.

Why you should like them: Bell...duh.  Antonio Brown's occasional need to kick a bitch-ass punter in the face...

Why you should hate them: By far the second most obnoxious fan base in the NFL (I'll get to the first later).  They're everywhere since their city sucks and has no jobs.

While they're just second best in the dipshit fan department.  They stand alone when it comes to awful team fight songs...

Oh don't forget, you can't spell "rape" without Ben Roethlisberger.

2. Denver Broncos

Record: 12-4

How they got here: Manning and his forehead

Why you should like them:   Von Miller is that dude.  If you want to pop a molly and party, Wes Welker is your man...

Why you should hate them: Am I the only person on earth who thinks Manning's commercials are atrocious or do people just act like they are funny because he's a star?

Who the FUCK makes their own Chicken Parmesan sandwich?  They're actually selling these t-shirts before the game and I promise Bronco fans will wear them pridefully. Wish I could tell you it's because they're all blazed as fuck but that's not a good enough excuse.

1. New England Patriots

Record: 12-4

How they got here: That dreamy Tom Brady and the defensive genius of Bill Belichick, pictured here...

Why you should like them:  Brady swears like a drunk uncle on Thanksgiving and Rob Gronkowski has the mind of a toddler but the man knows how to have a good time...

Why you should hate them:  Boston-area fans have gone from the type you could feel sympathy for to downright whiny and arrogant in the last 10 years.  Anything you have ever wondered about Boston women can learned by watching TED...

Fuck all these teams. Now to the NFC...

6. Detroit Lions

Record: 11-5

How they got here: A top-three defense less prone to stupid shit and the calming (if you can call not saying anything ever) influence of Head Coach Jim Caldwell.

Why you should like them: Tight end Joseph Fauria is a dance gawd.  DeAndre Leavy has quietly turned into one of the best linebackers in football, grows a quality beard and likes standing in dimly-lit rooms for the dramatic loner effect...

Why you should hate them: Exhibit A...

And exhibit B...

5. Arizona Cardinals

Record: 11-5 (Still wondering how they pulled that off)

How they got here: God.  How else can you explain that record despite losing your two top linebackers (before the season), best RB, starting and backup QBs?  

Why you should like them:  You have no soul if you don't like Larry Fitzgerald. Bruce Arians is a damn good coach and dresses like that limo driver who took you to Senior Prom...

Why you should hate them:  Rooting for them isn't realistic.  They've been a good story but thinking they actually have a shot with Ryan Lindley taking the snaps is a waste of your time and frankly, theirs. 

The Cards play in Glendale, Arizona which is lorded over by forever-evil Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio...

4. Carolina Panthers

Record: 7-8-1

How they got there:  The ineptitude of Drew Brees and Matt Ryan.

Why you should like them:  Cam Newton almost DIED, came back a few weeks later and led his team to an NFC South title-clinching victory.  Luke Kuechly is tackling goblin with a little bit of Brian Urlacher in him...that is if Brian Urlacher had actually been likable as a person. 

Why you should hate them:  They're 7-8-1, in the postseason and get to host a damn playoff game.  I'm not feeling that shit one bit.  Did you forget the their best defensive lineman, Greg Hardy is on suspension for threatening and tossing his girlfriend on the world's least comfortable mattress...

I didn't.

3. Dallas Cowboys

Record: 12-4

How they got here: The running of DeMarco "Spray Tan" Murray.  Who yes indeed, will FUCK your wife.  Also, the greatness of Dez Bryant, who can make even Tony Romo look elite in December!

Why you should like them: Murray, Bryant and blue-chip offensive-linemen Travis Frederick, Zack Martin and Tyron Smith.  Those dudes would maul your sister if a game plan called for it.  

D-coordinator Rod Marinelli has done a hell of a job with a defense basically consisting of criminal Rolando McClain...

and 10 rolls of charmin extra-soft.

Why you should hate them:  If you live outside of Texas, why wouldn't you hate them?  There are seriously so many reasons to dislike this team and fan base, I won't even go too in-depth.  Romo pretty much had an error-free season so you know it's about that time for this guy to show up...

2. Green Bay Packers

Record: 12-4

How they got here: Aaron "Snozzy McSmugfuck" Rodgers is the only reason but frankly, that's also the only one that matters.

Why you should like them: The NFL's MVP award is basically just the pro-Heisman but McSmugfuck deserves it.  He's also banging Olivia Munn so respect on that.  Eddie Lacy will die soon, but he's a bowling ball with legs so enjoy that while you can.  Jordy Nelson is a "grinder" who "works hard" and does all the shit white people cream their pants over...

Why you should hate them:  Every fan base has their share of drunks, racists, know-it-alls and morons but I can't think of a more spoiled and pretentious group of people than Packer fans. 

The worst part is they're lame as fuck... 

These people get strokes from excitement anytime Rodgers does some basic-bitch shit like drink a grape pop or photobomb someone.  

These people still get hyped whenever their stadium plays 1983's greatest hits...

These people are so used to winning, when they lose, they freak and probably ponder if they should try to sell the worthless pieces of paper the team suckers them into buying by calling it stock.

Their way to saying fuck you to their oldest rivals is a fucking polka song and they think it's cool!

I'd like to go to a Packers bar during one postseason with a pot, wait for every moment Clay Matthews blows his assignment on a read-option play, and use their tears as a base for some stew.

Speaking of which, I once watched a Vikings-Packers game with some Green Bay fans and one of them corrected me when I ordered cheese balls rather than cheese curds....I wanted to jump over the table and snap his fucking neck.

1. Seattle Seahawks

Record: 12-4

How they got here: Being a nastier, more complete team than everyone else.

Why you should like them:  Richard Sherman irritating America with his WWE-style interviews.  Marshawn Lynch being a dick to the media and getting away with it.  Pete Carroll's over-enthusiasm  any time there's a score.  Russell Wilson just out-smarting defenders,  Michael Bennett's "Ravishing" Rick Rude sack dance...

Why you should hate them: They totally ripped off that "12h man" thing from Texas A&M and they know it!  Another title only means they're one step closer to being a dynasty and you need look no further than Pats fans to know how that usually ends up.  They don't want to pay Beast Mode and he's the real key to to their success.

Their fans think the fact they don't jaywalk during a championship celebration makes them hip...

Fuck all these teams too!  Enjoy the postseason everyone!

WEEKEND WATCH!

What you should be doing this weekend if you know, you’re not drunk or doing something better…

WATCH THE NFL PLAYOFFS!
What? You think I just wrote all that shit just to tell you all to go see a movie?

WATCH UFC: JONES VS. CORMIER!
Wanna know a secret?  They really don't like each other!

FRIDAY SHOUT-OUT!

Recognizing whomever the hell I want!

Shout-Out to the Oregon Ducks!  Why?  Jameis Winston knows why!  Two days in and we may already have the troll of 2015.

#200 over with and I'm going to keep rolling.  Let's do big things in 2015 all!  What is the problem with Michael Jackson?

-WST