MONDAY
-Ze Germans had a pretty nice celebration following their 1-0 World Cup finals victory over Argentina.
Meanwhile it should be noted that Midfielder Mario Gotze, who scored the game-winner, just doesn't come up big on the pitch, but off as well...
Especially around his smokeshow of a model girlfriend. I can't blame him. Little boney for my tastes, but ol' girl is giving me some wood from over a few thousand miles away.
-The new college Football playoff trophy has been revealed. What do ya think?
Personally, I see an oversized pen holder.
Or...
TUESDAY
-I've never paid much attention to NBC's American Ninja Warrior. Just looked like another version of the old American Gladiators/Double Dare programs I was spoon-fed as a kid.
That's all changed thanks to all 5-foot, 100 pounds of Kacy Cantanzaro..
The former Southeast Region Gymnast of the Year from Towson University smashed the show's course, becoming the first woman to do so.
Look at this shit!
-The Derek Jeter slurpfest edition of the 2014 MLB All-Star game was in full effect...
-I've never paid much attention to NBC's American Ninja Warrior. Just looked like another version of the old American Gladiators/Double Dare programs I was spoon-fed as a kid.
That's all changed thanks to all 5-foot, 100 pounds of Kacy Cantanzaro..
The former Southeast Region Gymnast of the Year from Towson University smashed the show's course, becoming the first woman to do so.
Look at this shit!
She's now qualified for the crazy-difficult Mt. Midoriyama course in Vegas and I'll definitely be shooting it peep and she goes for the $500,000 grand prize.
Even if Catanzaro doesn't win, I'm sure the suits at the C.I.A. have a job for her...those skills she's picked up could be used to merc any third-world dictators currently on their shit list.
No beef personally against Jeets, but I find it a little disturbing that not even the slightest bit of love was shown to recently deceased Hall of Famers Tony Gwyn and Don Zimmer...what's up with that shit?
Luckily, FOX and MLB issued a joint statement explaining this decision:
We are deeply saddened by the loss of Hall of Famer Tony Gwynn, an extraordinary individual whose memory we have honored in numerous ways in recent weeks. The Baseball family has sadly lost a number of people this year - including Hall of Famer Ralph Kiner, Frank Cashen, and former All-Stars Jerry Coleman, Jim Fregosi and Don Zimmer - and did not want to slight anyone by singling out one individual.
Interesting...so why was Jeter's name was mentioned 100 times?
WEDNESDAY
-Ladies and Gentleman, Sixers draft pick Joel Embed...
-Ladies and Gentleman, Sixers draft pick Joel Embed...
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I like Joel Embiid's moxie, he's a funny guy.
Let's not ruin this and shame him into behaving on Twitter.
-The Boo-Yah awards were Wednesday night with special-guest host Wheelchair Jimmy!
Other than blowing in crazy-ass Lance Stephenson's ear and of course side pieces, Drake failed to impress the same way he had while hosting Saturday Night Live back in January.
In fact he kind of sucked...even incorporating his well-known lust for Tulsa Shock guard Skylar Diggins into a corny-ass skit.
Scratch that...corny with a side of creepy and a couple packets of friend-zone dipping sauce.
THURSDAY
-Did you really think you'd make it through an entire FCF without a mention that yes, LeBron James is indeed back in Cleveland?
If you did, you can thank the groom and groomsman of what I'm sure was Northeast Ohio's lamest wedding of the year for shitting all over your plans.
But fuck ALL that shit right now....
I was made privy to the fact that New Orleans Saints fans despise Chicago Bears fans last weekend through two separate, yet coincidental circumstances.
The first was Friday when a guy from New Orleans stopped me in the hall and jokingly (least I thought he was) told me he never wanted to see me wearing my old-school Bears cap again.
Laughed it off because football makes people stupid sometimes.
Then Saturday I hosted a BBQ at my fortress of not-so-solitude and a friend of a friend from Nawlins' informed me that the misunderstanding a day earlier most likely stemmed from an incident that occurred during the 2007 NFC Championship game...a 39-14 Chicago victory.
Apparently visiting fans from N.O. were unnecessarily harassed by Bears fans including many jabs at the devastation to their city caused by Hurricane Katrina.
I mean holy shit, I had no clue! I always figured the relationship between Crescent & Windy City was good!
Chicago allowed them to have Ditka...
Okay, that didn't go so well but Chicago native Anthony Davis (and his eyebrows) made up for it right?
Meanwhile, Bears RB Matt Forte is from Lake Charles, Lousiana and went to school at Tulane...
And it would be a pretty laborious task to find someone in Chi-City who doesn't love a lil POPEYES!
"Louisiana Fast" right?
Only no...fuckers take 15 minutes for EVERYTHING...even a cup of water.
I'm the one who should be upset.
So come on state of Louisiana, you gator wrestlin', gumbo slurpin', voodoo practicin' yahoos...let it go!
The guys who gave you a hard-time seven years back probably look like this...
And those people are a waste of life who intelligent fans in this city turn their noses up at.
I speak for all of Chicago when I say we're sorry for their actions, so let's let bygones be bygones and be friends.
Seriously, because Beignets, Street Jazz Bands, Duck Dynasty and Cash Money Records (for the 9-9 and the 2000) are all dope!
-Good thing I droned on there, it's a slow day for sports with nothing going on other than the British Open and NBA Summer League.
Nobody is interested in watching Golf until Sunday when Tiger is atop the leaderboard or they need a nap.
And no one wants to watch bums like Luke Harangody try to earn a 12th man spot for the Wizards.
Instead, enjoy Brooklyn Rapper Action Bronson taking a bathroom break in the middle of his own performance without missing a beat.
Please hurry back sports.
FRIDAY
-The Orlando Predators Arena Football team were sold to a new owner in May, however, former owner David Pearsall had one last" fuck you" for the franchise as he put the team's domain name up for sale separately...
OrlandoPredators.com now redirects fans to a Florida website for tracking sex offenders.
On the bad side, Preds fans will be temporarily unable to get a bio on QB Jason Boltus.
But on the plus side, now they know to keep their kids as far away as possible from ol' man Jones and his house around the corner.
WEEKEND WATCH!
What you should be doing this weekend if you know, you’re not drunk or doing something better…
SEE SEX TAPE!
Cameron Diaz & Jason Segal's amateur exploits go viral. I'm sure somewhere along the line, they realize that love, not sex really matters....blah, blah, blah.
SEE THE PURGE: ANARCHY!
The one night of the year where all crime is legal!
If this really happened, I'd break into and raid Johnnie's Italian Beef then spend the rest of the night
watching movies on the couch waiting for the chaos to end.
This is also my go-to plan for zombie attacks, tornadoes, earthquakes, the apocalypse, astroids hurling towards earth and all major holidays!
CHILL BY THE POOL!
Cameron Diaz & Jason Segal's amateur exploits go viral. I'm sure somewhere along the line, they realize that love, not sex really matters....blah, blah, blah.
The one night of the year where all crime is legal!
watching movies on the couch waiting for the chaos to end.
This is also my go-to plan for zombie attacks, tornadoes, earthquakes, the apocalypse, astroids hurling towards earth and all major holidays!
CHILL BY THE POOL!
Where did the Summer go? Should be a ncie weekend and football will dominate the social scene before you know it.
Toss on those board shorts or bikinis, grab some margarita mix and kick it by the water.
FRIDAY SHOUT-OUT!
Recognizing whomever the hell I want!
Shout-out to Carlos Boozer!
After four seasons, the Chicago Bulls' overpaid whipping boy has been amnestied and shipped off to the Lakers...hi-fives all around!
Okay, maybe not for you Carlos, but I can't even be mad, anyone who had seen Carlos Boozer play in previous stints for Cleveland and Utah knew what he was....
An athletically-limited third-option who can light it up if his shots are falling, but can be dead weight due to his abysmal defensive skills.
Then you add in all of this:
So long Booz Cruise...I don't think I've ever been more annoyed, yet accepting of an athlete on my hometown team.
And so it's come to the end once again...see you next week! Sell me your children!
-WST
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