MONDAY
-To promote their upcoming friendly match against the New York Red Bulls, members of the Arsenal Futbol Club decided to give the whole big apple accent thing a go.
I'm going to play this clip any time friends complain about my drunken attempts at a British accent.
-Spurs 12th man/sandwich enthusiast/human victory cigar Matt Bonner hit his hometown of Concord, New Hampshire with the Larry O'Brien trophy.
Look at the Red Mamba...just kicking it on the park bench...so satisfied with the life he's living. Forest Gump did it better though.
Just Saying.
TUESDAY
-NFL training camps are just getting started but the Seahawks and 49ers are once again at each other's throats in what's become the hottest rivalry in pro football...
-NFL training camps are just getting started but the Seahawks and 49ers are once again at each other's throats in what's become the hottest rivalry in pro football...
What. The. Fuck?!
DAMNNNNNN!!!! WORLDSTAR!!!!! Pair of ankles, extra cripsy! See 49ers guy bounce?! Is he dead? I'm sure he screamed "We still got Five rings, five rings!!!" after he went down just to make himself feel better.
-Jack White looks like an aging hipster who's just been informed he'll have search a couple concession stands if he wants an Old Style!
And he's gonna be REALLY pissed when finds out it costs $8.50!
WEDNESDAY
-Stud Cardinals catcher Yadier Molina left a nice little snack for his brother, Rays catcher Jose.
Hope Jose remembered to take them out before he sits down later. Nobody wants a crack full of crackers.
-America's favorite jerk-faced QB Jay Cutler reported to Bears training camp in a big-ass conversion van.
The van is far cry from the whips Cutty used to roll into Bourbonnais, Illinois in. However, Jay is a daddy these days and I'm sure he'd like to chauffeur his un-vaccinated children around while keeping as far away from them as possible.
THURSDAY
-Frank Caliendo isn't really funny but I'll give him credit, when it comes to impressions, few do it better!
I realize by posting this, I'm only prolonging Caliendo's 15 minutes of fame but then again, that shit should have ended 15 years ago and he's still going. Guy is like a cockroach!
But fuck ALL that shit right now....
I had the worst sleep in a minute Tuesday night...which sucked cause it got chilly and that's when I do my best sleeping!
Tossed, turned. face up, face down, blanket, no blanket, nothing!
Around four in the morning, I realized it was the first time in about two years I had tried to go to bed without the TV on!
Using the TV to put you to sleep is legit as it comes...takes your mind off all the other shit.
Work, family, money, drama, bills, meetings, etc...you can have fucking night terrors thinking about all that when you're trying to catch some zs.
But you turn the TV on? All you need is 5 to 10 good minutes and you're snug tight, eating pillow and having that dream where YOU'RE rocking the mic doing B. Rabbit's freestyle in 8 Mile!
Good dreamin' right there son!
Now I will admit it is a process, you need the right kind of show/movie. I recommend either a TV show that you don't give a shit about (6th rerun of Sportscenter, anything on Vh1).
Or a movie that you've already seen 20 times...let's say Navy Seals!
Yeah, I'm normally counting sheep by the time that scene ends. You're a wild man Hawkins!
-The early morning line for Vikings single-game tickets is crazy!
Crazy sad that is.
Then again, who wants to wake up at the crack of dawn and drop $150 on nosebleed bleacher seats? For a mediocre team?
Playing outside in zero-degree temps?
At a college stadium the next two years?
You know this guy is pissed...probably thinking he could have gotten two morning fap sessions in and still walked right up to the door for those tix!
FRIDAY
-Former Twins star second baseman Chuck Knoblauch was scheduled to be inducted into the Team's Hall of Fame on August 26th.
I say "was" because that won't be happening anymore...
Knoblauch was arrested in Houston for beating on his ex-wife and will not be inducted after all as the Twins have canceled the ceremony altogether.
Chuckie probably wishes he had played pro football instead right now.
WEEKEND WATCH!
What you should be doing this weekend if you know, you’re not drunk or doing something better…
DON'T SEE HERCULES!
The hell are you doing Rock? Don't you know there's only one true Hercules and his name is Kevin Sorbo?!!!!
SEE LUCY!
Scarlett Johannson is exposed to a narcotic that allows access to more than the normal 10% of her brain's capacity. Scientist Morgan Freeman (real one, not Caliendo) teases in the trainer that if she reaches 100%, he doesn't know what will happen."
My guess? She'll travel back in time and make sure the movie Her never happens!
WATCH THE BASEBALL HOF INDUCTION CEREMONY!
2014 enshrinees include Frank Thomas, Tom Glavine, Greg Maddux, Bobby Cox, Joe Torre and what I'm positive will be a very drunk Tony La Russa!
The hell are you doing Rock? Don't you know there's only one true Hercules and his name is Kevin Sorbo?!!!!
Legendary Journeys sucka! Better ask somebody!
Scarlett Johannson is exposed to a narcotic that allows access to more than the normal 10% of her brain's capacity. Scientist Morgan Freeman (real one, not Caliendo) teases in the trainer that if she reaches 100%, he doesn't know what will happen."
My guess? She'll travel back in time and make sure the movie Her never happens!
WATCH THE BASEBALL HOF INDUCTION CEREMONY!
2014 enshrinees include Frank Thomas, Tom Glavine, Greg Maddux, Bobby Cox, Joe Torre and what I'm positive will be a very drunk Tony La Russa!
FRIDAY SHOUT-OUT!
Recognizing whomever the hell I want!
Shout-out to Frank Thomas! Happy for Glavine and Maddux but I am JACKED for my all-time favorite player, my guy, the gawd Big Hurt!
Let's Boogie!
No PED's necessary, he was born a monster!
All said and done, it's been real, and it's been fun...til' next week! Men do not cry. Men do not pout. Men jack you in the fuckin' jaw and say...thanks for coming out!
-WST
