The 100 Best Movie Threats of all time.

I usually do a rant today but I came across this last night.  I don't know why I didn't find it sooner.  I don't know HOW I didn't find it sooner but I now possess it.

 I feel like Indiana Jones when he found that holy grail...

Goosebumps.  Thank you Harry Hanrahan.  Whoever you are

-WST

TWO THUMBS UP, FOUR THUMBS DOWN TUESDAY

Every Tuesday, I’ll be sharing the little life’s pleasures that make me jump for joy and the terrible, awful things I want to spit on.

Two Things that earned my love:

1. Ole Miss Guard Marshal Henderson: The Rebels trailed Georgia by eight with 3:37 left to go in the game.  He would go on to score all 14 of the regulation points after that and finished the game with 25 points, 14 coming on free throws.  When informed that the press wanted to speak to him, Marshall took two steps into the media room and shouted: “ITS ALL THE SAME, IT”S SATURDAY NIGHT. I’M OUT!”
2.  NFL Combine:

College kids are turned to livestock as NFL coaches and personnel watch them run, jump, hop and lift their way to a higher draft position and potentially millions more dollars. It’s like an episode of Double-Dare for grown ups.  Except the contestants can cripple you.

Four things that earned my scorn:

1. Jerry Buss Passing Away:  One of the coolest owners in all of Pro Sports…

RIP

2. Not doing Background checks:  The Belfast Giants of the United Kingdom’s EIHL were recently bought by Floridian, Christopher Knight.  Then they learned of his 2003 conviction for “Lewd or Lasvious Battery,” entailing “sexual activity with a person 12 years of age or older but less than 16 years of age.”  The sale had already been completed and it looked like this fucking scumbag would have a Pro Hockey team.

Thank god the company that owns and manages the arena came to the rescue by forming a new company and signing all the players to the new team.

3. Da‘Quan Bowers:

Every few months or so, we come across an athlete who is dumb enough to think they can sneak a gun through an Airport.  Yesterday, Bowers, a Defensive End with the Tampa Bay Bucs, became that athlete when  he was arrested for carrying a loaded .40 caliber gun in his luggage at LaGuardia Airport in NEW YORK.

You know, the same city that gave Plaxico Burress a two-year bid for CARRYING A GUN AND SHOOTING HIMSELF!

4. Oscar Pistorius:

Worst Comic Strip Ever.  Please don’t put that next to Dick Tracy or Peanuts.  Why Little Tink Tink? Why?

-WST

THE LAST BALLAD OF AN OLD GUNFIGHTER: MY RETIREMENT

Over the weekend, I found myself in the area of Chicago known as Pilsen slugging down craft brews at Simone’s-A trendy bar & lounge where the neighborhood’s suddenly growing hipster population rub elbows with the 20-something sons and daughters of the elders that have long made up this predominately Latin side of town.

Simone’s is a hip-hop addict’s dream.  A place where the house DJ’s spins classics such as De La Soul's “Me, Myself and I” one minute and today’s hits such as “Pop That” by French Montana the next.  It was this song playing overhead when her and I made eye contact...

5’7,dark hair, black leather jacket, gray jeans, red pump heels, the wide-frame black hipster glasses that everyone rocks these days as well as very nice, well, um, “assets.”  My two associates had just went to the bathroom and I stood solo as strutted right up to me with a half smile and asked the question I knew she had on her mind the minute we noticed each other...

“You got moves! Wanna dance-off?"

I looked at her, thought about it, and flashed a smile before I calmly put my hands up and said, “It’s cool, you got it, I don’t even want any trouble tonight!”

That night, or rather morning, as I crawled into my bed, I realized my time had come to an end.

So today, with great sadness but excitement, I officially announce my departure from all competitive dance-offs.

Will I miss it? Sure. Don't fret, I won't leave dancing all together, I'll still get down with a pretty girl or at a wedding.  However, I feel I have accomplished all there is in the domain of dance battles. 

My dancing will go down in history books and I’ve inspired movies. yes. MOVIES.  

Save the Last Dance, Step Up, You Got Served? All me.

First of all, I’d like to thank my parents, Lee & Eleanor. They’ve always been great and motivated me every day. Mom’s Belizean bloodlines also surely helped. Like her, I was naturally born with rhythm.

I’d like to thank the organizers of the Oak Park Park District Jr. High Dances.  It was HERE that I discovered my gift to the beat of songs like The Luniz’s “I got 5 on it” and Lil Troy’s “Wanna Be A Baller”

To Oak Park-River Forest High School: your monthly MORPS (PROM spelled backward) provided me with countless opportunities for competition that would ultimately hone my skills for the next level.

Sioux City, Iowa, Briar Cliff University and the now-closed Rosie’s Bar will always remain special places in my heart.  At one point, I’m almost certain Rosie himself told me he would be naming the dance floor in my honor (maybe I was drunk). 

As for BCU, I look forward to being invited back in a few years for the ceremony honoring me as the greatest dancer to ever grace campus.  I’m sure I can dig up a few old pairs of shoes for their Hall of Fame.

Thanks to Duffy’s, Red Ivy, McGee’s, John Barleycorn, Moe’s Cantina, Kirkwood’s, The Underground, Lumen, Rebel, The Mid, Spy Bar, Le Passage, Soundbar, The Pony, Dore', Bull & Bear, Public House, V-Live, Crocodile, Houndstooth Saloon as well as any other Chicago establishment that were graced with my majestic feet on multiple occasions.

 I look forward to seeing my picture hanging proudly each time I walk through your doors.

As for the future, it looks bright!

 I plan to take my free time to work with the youth as well as open a series of centers all over the Chicagoland area for the rhythmically challenged. 

There are other philanthropic endeavors I have planned as well but they’re not ready to see the light of day yet.

Finally, to all my fans and admirers, I say thank you for recognizing my greatness.  It’s been a fun ride and the honor of watching me move has been all yours.

Life is good. Dancing is better.

-WST

FULL CIRLCE FRIDAY: FUNKY FOR YOU

All the stories you know and ones you don’t, but should. Welcome to FULL CIRCLE

MONDAY

- In a week where we celebrated the power of love, we start in the city of Brotherly Love as the Philadelphia Eagles announced that it had restructured Quarterback Michael Vick’s contract for one year.  Vick will head into next season with the task of spearheading the same fast-paced spread-offense that new Coach Chip Kelly ran during his tenure at the University of Oregon.

Over/Under of games Vick starts before being knocked out for the season opens at seven.

Seriously Chip is going to get this guy killed. They know it too as they just signed former Oregon dual-threat QB Dennis Dixon to back him up once Vick goes down. He’ll more than likely get blown up as well and the Eagles will probably throw in LeSean McCoy (they love misusing him, why not?) and THEN ask him to drop back and pass the ball 60 times just so they can fuck up my fantasy team.

-Also Monday, Golden State Warriors unveiled their new alternate jerseys. It’s a concept Warriors owner Peter Gruber calls “Revolutionary” as key changes include a lighter fabric and sleeves.

So what you’re saying is that Basketball teams of the future will just wear Under-Armour shirts instead of jerseys?

TUESDAY

-Grapplers young and old cried foul as the International Olympic Committee (IOC) announced that it would be discontinuing Wrestling for the 2020 Olympic games.  Wrestling has been a part of the Olympics since 1896 and was chosen out of 26 core Olympic sports. 

Bullshit. You cut this…

But you keep modern Pentathlon?

            -Also on Tuesday, four University of Alabama Players were suspended indefinitely from the team after being arrested for robbery and assault.  

Three of the players confessed to attacking a pair of men Monday night and stealing a wallet, computer and a debit card that was later used to purchase SNACKS from a campus vending machine…

The victims managed to identify their attackers easily as they wore their jerseys with the name and number on the back.

Ok, that part is a joke but seriously, why are you robbing people in a town where everyone knows who you are? I’m not saying it’s ok to be a criminal but if you’re going to do it, be a SMART CRIMINAL.

WEDNESDAY

            -Meet Daniela Holmqvist, A 24 year-old Swedish rookie on the Ladies Golf European Tour.  On the fourth hole for the Women’s Australian Open in Yarralumla, Australia Homqvist noticed a Black Widow Spider on her ankle.

GAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! STOP. HOLD THE PHONE. FUCK, AND THAT SHIT. I HATE SPIDERS!!!!  TERRIFIED OF THEM! I WOULD HAVE SCREAMED LIKE A LITTLE GIRL!!!

Holmqvist swatted it away and almost immediately fell over in pain as the as the vile creature had bitten her.  After being informed that a Black Widow bite could kill a child within 30 minutes, she quickly grabbed the only thing available, her GOLF TEE and used it to cut open the wound and squeeze the venom out.

That’s some Crocodile Dundee shit dude.  I think I have my first nominee for the WST Badass of the year award.  In fact, she may be the winner.

            -Meet Leonard Cooper, he’s a boss as well. While he didn't dig arachnid venom out of his lower body with golf equipment, I think if you watch this, you'll agree he's got skills.

Now THAT is Swag.

THURSDAY

- OSCAR PISTORIUS (a.k.a. Little Tink Tink)...OSCAR, OSCAR, OSCAR, OSCAR. You shot & killed your girlfriend thinking she was a burglar (or at least you say you thought), she was a beautiful model AND she was sneaking in your place to give YOU your Valentine’s Day gift…

That’s a triple fail in my book.

UPDATE: Screw that Burglar story; word out of Johannesburg is that prosecutors are not buying it.   It’s now being reported police were called to the house hours before the shooting as neighbors complained of a loud argument between the two. Later when they returned, the girlfriend, Reeva Steenkamp, was found shot through a bathroom door.

Yeah, you’re going to prison Tink Tink.

            -Steelers Linebacker and 2008 Defensive Player of the year James Harrison has announced that he will be joining a Dodge ball Team known as the Ball Busters for the off-season. 

Jesus James, this is why people think black men don’t like to smile.  Do you really have to look hard in EVERY photo? How would you feel walking into a gym against this team and seeing Brick Shithouse here warming up to toss something serious at your noggin? RINGER!!!

FRIDAY

            -A meteorite exploded over the Russian City of Chelyabinsk early this morning, damaging several buildings including the home of the KHL’s (Russian Hockey League) Traktor Chelyabinsk.

The arena obviously will be shut down and puts a playoff game the team had scheduled for next Thursday in serious question.

Why is this the only thing I could think of once I heard a Meteor had fallen?

WEEKEND WATCH!

What you should be doing this weekend if you know, you’re not drunk or doing something better.

SEE A GOOD DAY TO DIE HARD!

            -Dudes did their Valentine’s Day duty, the least ladies can do is sit through an hour, 45 minutes of this epicness.

NBA ALL-STAR GAME!

            -Entertainers along with ballers past and present, descend upon Houston for a weekend of parties, networking and hordes of gold-diggers.  It culminates Sunday with an exhibition game featuring no defense.  Should be fun regardless.

NBA SLAM DUNK CONTEST!

            -Last year's sucked. Can we get Blake Griffith to dunk over a car again? Afterwards, can someone run him over with it?

He’s kind of a dick to himself in those KIA commercials. 

That’s it for this guy.  I gotta go through the rest of the day with a hangover.  This is why I don't go out in the middle of the week anymore.

Have a great weekend and be safe!

-WST

           

The 5 most overrated rivalries in sports.

5. TEXAS-OKLAHOMA

It’s a big deal down in that region but I honestly can’t remember the last time a game featuring these two really had me on the edge of my seat. 

The hype machine always starts cranking though since it’s in TEJAS! YEE-HAW! EVERYTHANG IS BIGGER DAWN ERE SON! SHIT DEM BOYS IS HAVIN DA TIMES OF DEY LIEEEVES OUT DERE!!!!

In the last 12 years, six of these meetings were blowouts while 2007-2009 provided the best string of games (28-21 Sooners, 45-35 Longhorns, 16-13 Longhorns).

4. CHICAGO BEARS-GREEN BAY PACKERS

 A battle so old that you’re grandparents would wake up and go check it out after a long night of kicking it in the club with Duke Ellington and Louie Armstrong.

  However, just because these two NFC North foes have been playing longer than the life span of C. Montgomery Burns does not mean it’s a good one (NFL’s best is Steelers-Ravens).  The Bears dominated the decades from the 20’s through the 80’s while the Packers have come on as of late by taking the 90’s through 10’s. 

Rarely have both team been good at the same time in recent years. Except for that NFC Championship game in 2010 that haunts me when I sleep. I don’t want to talk about it…

3. MICHIGAN-OHIO STATE

We get it. You’ve been playing even longer than the rivalry mentioned above and you really don’t like each other.  No one else gives a shit. 

You know why? Because while it used to be kind of interesting, Ohio State has just bitch-slapped Michigan in the last decade like it owes them money.  

The Buckeyes have taken eight out of the last ten from their neighbors to the north and with notorious recruiting pimp/coach Urban Meyer now flying up fleet-footed criminals from the south, it’s probably not going to change anytime soon.

2. NORTH CAROLINA-DUKE

 Ooooooohhhhh you’re ten miles apart?! You play in a basketball-obsessed state?! Congrats.

 Every time these two square off, I gotta hear Dick Vitale’s voice; IT’S WILLIAMS, IT’S COACH K, THE TAR-HEELS, THE DUKIES, IT'S THE BATTLE OF TOBACCO ROAD BAAAAABY!!!!!!! Please.  This rivalry sucks. You hear me? Sucks. 

It's just two snobby ass schools flicking their boogers at the rest of College Basketball. In fact, Vitale should have something in his contract with ESPN that states he’s only obligated to do play-by-play for the two match-ups. 

That way everyone wins; he gets to keep that boner he clearly has for both at full mast all season and the rest of us will only have to listen to him twice a year.

1. YANKEES-RED SOX

 Fuck you ESPN AND FOX sports. No seriously, fuck you for making America suffer by televising every damn game these two teams play.  THEY PLAY EACH OTHER 18 TIMES!!! You make me want to quit watching Baseball some days.

 Fuck Babe Ruth. Fuck Lou Gehrig. Fuck Ted Williams. Fuck Bucky Fucking Dent. Fuck Pedro Martinez. Fuck Roger Clemens. Fuck Manny Ramirez. Fuck Wade Boggs. Fuck Don Mattingly. Fuck A-Rod. Fuck Jeter. Fuck Joe Torre. Fuck Curt Schilling. Fuck Jason Giambi. Fuck Hideki Matsui. Fuck Mickey Mantle. Fuck Don Zimmer. Fuck Reggie Jackson. Fuck Carl Yastrzemski. Fuck George Steinbrenner!

David Ortiz, Carlton Fisk and Mariano Rivera are cool though!

-WST

WEDNESDAY RANT: VALENTINE'S DAY OR A GOOD DAY TO SEE A MOVIE.

In the next 48 hours, you’re going to read or at least glance at a dozen articles on where you should go, buy, see, and do for Valentine’s day if you're married, engaged, dating, single or just hate it and blah blah blah blah blah.

Honestly I'll just be chilling.

Tomorrow, I won’t be wining or dining some pretty girl at some trendy restaurant.  I’m not angry about it either, because that’s on me. 

I KNOW in the past year, there have been women who liked me but I passed up the chance for whatever reason.  Maybe I didn’t put myself out there because I wasn’t 100 percent certain or maybe I just over-thought the whole situation.   Both are very likely.

I also won’t be barricading myself into my condo Christopher Dorner style with no intention of coming out until Friday.  I love everyone 364 other days of the year; I’m not going to stop for one day because I don’t have a female of my own.

I’m just going to treat tomorrow for just what it is: Thursday. 

I’m going to go about my daily routine, hit the gym and then maybe see ‘A Good Day to Die Hard’ (I really wish they had gone with a shorter title).    Maybe I’ll call up a buddy to see it with me or I may see it solo.  Not because I’m lonely, but because sometimes I just like to see movies alone as it allows me to clear my mind for a few hours.

I’ll probably even throw on a slow jam on the way home and sing it out loud because slow jams are AWESOME!  If you’re a dude, it’s only cool to sing Slow James alone in the car or shower unless the song is by an R&B group. In that event, you need three other gentlemen with similar thinking to croon it along with you.

I think what annoys single-people so much about Valentine’s Day is that it’s definitely become one big dick-measuring contest with the emergence of Social Media.

 Technically, every day on Facebook and Twitter these days is about one-upping each other, but February 14^th does tend to take it up a notch because it involves the word “LOVE.”

You don’t hate Valentine’s day as much as you hate other people consistently reminding you that it is and you’re not celebrating it with anyone.

There’s going to plenty of pictures of your girlfriends showing off their flowers, candy or oversized teddy bears or even engagement rings since proposing to a girl on Valentine’s Day isn’t cliché at all. But to each their own.

There’s going to be a few pictures of your homeboys, rocking that collared shirt you’re positive you puked on during the last bachelor party complete with their wife or girlfriend under their arms and with the caption; “Getting ready to take babe out!”

And there’s going to be plenty of “cute” messages that couples send to each other over Facebook.

No one can stand those messages, you want to dodge them on your FB news feed but they keep coming like a Zombie horde on Valentine’s Day.

It’s one thing if you see those messages and the couple is in a long distance relationship, it’s a little annoying if they live in the same city but it’s ABSOLUTELY DETESTABLE IF YOU HAPPEN TO LIVE TOGETHER! YOU SEE EACH OTHER EVERY DAY! JUST TELL EACH OTHER HOW YOU FEEL WHEN YOU GET HOME! LOVE IS AN ENIGMA THAT EVERYONE FROM THE OUTSIDE SHOULD WONDER ABOUT!

Now just because I point out why most single people dislike Valentine’s day doesn’t mean they have a right to vocalize their displeasure for it either. 

Those people would most likely be on the same nonsense if they were with someone and WILL do it once they do find that person. So take it easy with all the hate. Sooner or later you’ll be guilty too. Even I know that, except the cute message part, fuck that noise.

Tomorrow, lovers, go do your thing and love each other.  Just go easy and keep it between you two.

Haters and lonely people, stop.  While your time is not here yet, you know damn well you have plenty of people in your life who love you and if you don't think so, you're an idiot.

Die Hard Fans, YIPPIE-KI-YAY MOTHERFUCKERS! IT’S FINALLY HERE!

-WST

TWO THUMBS UP, FOUR THUMBS DOWN TUESDAY!

Every Tuesday, I’ll be sharing the little life’s pleasures that make me jump for joy and the terrible, awful things I want to spit on.

Two that earned my love:

1. The Iron Sheik: To older readers, the Iron Sheik was a former Olympian, bodyguard to the Shah of Iran and THE villain when it comes to 80’s pro wrestling.  Sheikie Baby is now 69 and younger reader know him as the most hilarious and insane son of a bitch to ever create a Twitter account.  Whether it’s Chris Brown, Jose Canseco, or Claire Huxtable from the Cosby Show. No one is safe from being humbled “old country way” by the Sheik. Follow him @the_ironsheik
2.  This Guy:

LIKABLE LEBRON STRIKES AGAIN!  If you don’t think this is hasn’t been carefully planned and schemed by Bron’s Public Relations team, you’re nuts.  I’ll give them credit too; it’s starting to work on people.

Four that earned my scorn:

1. Christopher Dorner: If you haven’t read about him yet, you need to pay attention to this guy’s story because I GURRANTEE there’s going to be a movie coming out over the next 5 years.  Dorner is a schizophrenic ex-LAPD cop who killed the daughter of a retired LAPD police captain, her fiancée and a Riverside, California police officer last week.  He is now the target of a nationwide manhunt with a $1 million dollar reward being offered for his capture.  The slaying of the daughter was done as retaliation for Dorner being terminated from the department in 2008 and he has released an online manifesto declaring war on the LAPD and their families.  Dorner is still on the run, stands 6 foot, 270 and has brothers in L.A. wearing shirts like the one above so the cops don’t put two to their domes.

2. “Snitching” Jay Williams:  The New York Times published a profile on former Duke Basketball star Jay Williams and among the things he revealed was that during his only season with the Chicago Bulls (second overall pick, 2002), his teammates would smoke weed before games and then play big-money dice games on the plane following losses.  First of all, Jay, quit telling on people, Fred Hoiberg is going to have you smothered while you sleep. They don’t call him the “Mayor” for no reason.  Secondly, you know what’s worse than smoking weed or playing dice games? Violating the “no motorcycles” clause in your contract and driving one with no helmet or a license. Even worse is wrapping yourself around a light pole, destroying your ACL and never playing another NBA game. Nice work.
3.  Mardi Gras: Nothing worse than being a single twenty-something and going through the most awful day of the week knowing that down south in the land of Voodoo and Gumbo, people are raging right now. I want in before I turn 30 and things get real serious…

  4.  Ridgeland Commons being demolished: Growing up a pre-teen in Oak Park, you had three options on Friday Night: Watch T.G.I.F. on ABC, go to a Park District dance and get down to some Jock Jams and Brian McKnight or kick it with friends at Ridgeland Commons ice rink.  You either skate or hang out and try to spit what little game a 13-year old dude has (zero for me) to girls.  I just found out there’s one last public skate happening this Saturday as the facility will be closing it doors in March and be demolished to make way for construction of a new one. I’ll be there Saturday and if you're from the area, you should come by too. 

Yes I can skate.  It’s a little known fact, but I was skate instructor to all the black kids in the Mighty Ducks movies.

-WST