Nothing game-changing or any shit like that.
When I get upset, I wait until the next morning, if it doesn’t bother me, wasn’t worth my time to begin with.
If it does, then we have a problem that has to be dealt with in some manner…
Well it’s almost four in the morning right now and the Chicago Bears are a fucking problem.
In the Chicago sports landscape, this town is a different place...
By different, I mean we can’t get along on shit.
The city is divided like 6th grade algebra son.
Baseball: Are you down with the Cubs or the White Sox?
Basketball: You a Bulls fans or just a Michael Jordan fan? And don't even get me started on the D-Rose plays vs. D-Rose sits debate.
Hockey: These dudes have won two championships in five years and old-school fans still can’t break bread with new fans.
However, there is one shining beacon of light to bring us all together in the form of a burnt orange C: the Chicago Bears.
I don’t care if you’re from the city or the burbs, what the color of your skin is or what your political affiliations are.
If you’re from Chicago, you agree that this is, and always will be, a Bears town.
Sure, a championship would be great, but all people in this city really want when it comes to pro football is a competitive team that wins on a consistent basis.
However, last night, for the first time in my life, I was ashamed to call myself a fan of this team.
But not because they lost to the Packers....Green Bay is a good team, well a good enough team because they're quarterbacked by one of the all-time greats in Aaron Rodgers and if you think I’m bullshitting, check the numbers sometime.
Truth is I knew with the way the 2014-15 Chicago Bears have played this season, it would take an act of god (or a Rodgers injury) to leave Lambeau field with a W.
I was ready for a loss. I was mentally prepared for a loss. I fully expected a loss.
And yet, what I saw last night in their 55-14 defeat to the Packers made me want to jump out of a window.
The Chicago Bears had two weeks to prepare, showed up to a nationally televised contest and just played like they didn’t give a fuck.
They had already clocked out.
The Bears were already resigned to their fate.
There was an opportunity to turn the entire season around and they came out like they knew it was a wrap.
Last night wasn't a 28-14 defeat. It wasn't a 38-10 blowout. It was a jailhouse rape. No vaseline.
And Green Bay did it laughing at the Bears without even a bit of seriousness.
This city deserves better. Fuck the Bears for that.
Fuck you Brandon Marshall, you selfish, bi-polar cocksucker.
It only took two and half seasons for your “newly changed and aware” persona to revert back to the same ass-boil that wore out his welcome in Denver and Miami.
Oh and quit trying to make the NFL analyst thing happen. A $1000 suit can’t cover up awful.
Fuck you Shea McClellin.
It’s not your fault a first-round pick was wasted on your ass.
Even when I first looked you up back in 2012, your college highlights left me feeling like you could be good but it's more likely that you were going to blow ass.
I'm sure you’re a cool dude, but if you got injured and never put on a Bears uniform again, no one would miss you.
Fuck you Lance Briggs, you baby-back ribs loving prick.
“Wahhhhhh! they fired my dad Lovie Smith!”
“Wahhhhhh! They wouldn’t re-sign my best friend Brian Urlacher!”
“Wahhhhh this is probably my last year with the team so I’m going to pout and eat every bag of Pepperoni Combos from the Halas Hall vending machine!”
Never mind the team renegotiated your contract twice and had your back when your drunk ass crashed and stashed your Lambo on the Edens expressway.
If you really wanted Papa Lovie to stick around, winning more games would have been a good route to go. Words really cannot express my disdain for you.
Fuck you Mel Tucker. You look like a casting-call reject for the dad role on every black family sitcom ever created.
you were garbage in Jacksonville, but every thing in Jacksonville is garbage. It’s Jacksonville a.k.a. Hammond, Ind. with palm trees.
But I gave you the benefit of the doubt last season because half the starters on the defense were dead and the team signed a few bums off the street to play for grilled cheese sandwiches and bowls of tomato soup.
Way to reward my judgement bro, I don’t know how you’ve lasted in the league for 11 years but you need to quit.
You look like you could be the graveyard shift manager at a Wendy’s drive-thru, you should try that.
Fuck you Brian Urlacher, you cue-ball headed rube.
You’re one of the biggest tools this town has ever seen but people will always overlook it because you’re white, made a bunch of Pro Bowls and have no neck.
Talking shit every time a mic is put in your face because the team wouldn’t give you $10 million to be old and slow for a extra two years.
I hope you go bungee jumping into Paris Hilton’s snatch and the cord snaps.
Fuck you Marc Trestman, you look like a high school biology teacher who secretly murders his students and hides their bodies in the cafeteria freezer.
You’re a really intelligent guy. I knew that when you were hired but I’d like you a whole lot better if you weren’t just a coordinator playing Head Coach.
When it comes to leading a football team, you’re softer than a pillow fight on a tempur-pedic mattress at a sorority house.
Your offense consists of Cutler chucking deep balls and hoping for a pass-interference call because that somehow won you two championships in Montreal.
Holy shit, we did grab your ass from Montreal didn't we? I should have known this wasn't going to work out from jump street.
Montreal is good for a lot of things...architecture, hockey, poutine...football coaches should not be one of them.
By the way, did you catch Matt Forte fucking your wife one night?
Because you clearly hate your Running Back despite the fact he’s cold as shit and looks like Common.
THOUGHT I'D NEVER SAY IT BUT FUCK YOU JAY CUTLER!
Not that you'd ever give a shit cause….
But I fought battles defending you dog!
You’re my favorite QB simply because you tell everyone to kiss your ass but JESUS Jay.
For six years years, I’ve argued for the organization to just give you an O-Line…
They gave you one.
To give you some receivers…
They gave you three.
Give you a offensive-mind coach…
He's kind of bad...but they gave you one.
AND JAY YOU HAVE FAILED ME DUDE! YOU COULD HAVE OWNED THIS TOWN AND YOU BLEW IT!!!!!!
Now I gotta be a dick, I can't cut you anymore slack, you have all the tools to be a great QB but at the end of the day, you're just a mediocre one and that hurts.
Now when some drunk inbred spouts off about how you're a ho, I gotta slowly nod my head and agree.
Now when some drunk inbred spouts off about how you're a ho, I gotta slowly nod my head and agree.
Oh, and fuck all you other Bears fans too!
-For supporting the mediocrity, obsessing over the '85 Bears and allowing the human tumor known as Mike Ditka to pass for a demigod in this city.
-For believing there’s a such thing as "bear weather."
"Hey guys, the Lake Michigan wind will make teams not want to come to Soldier Field!"
You know who else plays in cold weather? Half the teams in the damn league!
-For overvaluing Devin Hester. Am I the only person who understands that if the most exciting player on a team over the last 10 years is a kick/punt-returner, that team blows?
-For blaming every defensive miscue on Chris Conte. You try slowing down Eddie Lacey or Adrian Peterson or Fred Jackson at full speed after they've gashed your front-seven.
Conte definitely isn't best player but that dude has played his ass off all season and if you can’t see that, just never open your mouth during another football game.
-For your history of crushes on back-up QBs. Yeah, Kyle Orton and Josh McCown can get a team closer to a championship then what is currently in place…
Fuck out of here.
Lastly, fuck me because despite this entire debacle, I’m still dumb enough to tune in next week.
What can I say? I like disaster movies. See you Sunday vs. Minnesota.
Help us all.
Help us all.
-WST
